The art of conversation is a gift not everyone possesses.
Some people simply live for a conversation with absolutely anyone, while exchanging even a few words might seem like a trial to others.
Even the most gifted conversationalists, however, might have a day here and there where they simply might not be in the mood to converse.
Redditor GuiltyAstronomer398 and their boyfriend lived with his parents.
On a recent afternoon, the original poster (OP)'s boyfriend needed to make a quick stop at his home.
While the OP's boyfriend wanted them to come in and say hello, the OP refused.
A decision that did not sit well with the OP's boyfriend one bit.
Wondering if they were out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not wanting to say hi to my boyfriend's family during quick visits?"
The OP explained why they didn't feel up for a "quick hello" with their boyfriend's parents:
"My boyfriend lives with his parents."
"Every time I go over, even if it's just to pick something up or drop something off, I'm expected to hug his parents, say hi, and have a conversation."
"I get that this is normal when we're staying for a while, but sometimes it's just a 5-minute stop."
"Recently, we stopped by their house for something, and I told him I just wanted to stay in the car and not say hi."
"I was feeling irritable and wasn't having a great day."
"He scoffed, sighed, and said I needed to 'get over it and figure it out'."
"I feel like he's dismissing my feelings I'm not rude to his family, I just don't have the energy to perform this 'social"dance' for every single visit."
"He lives with his parents."
"I meet them almost daily and say hi to them every day."
"Today I was just not feeling up to it.
"They didn't know I was there, they didn't know I was coming."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to go in and say hello to their boyfriend's parents.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP should not be expected to have a full-fledged conversation with their boyfriend's parents every time they visit, and everyone is also entitled to a little alone time when they are having a bad day:
"NTA."
"Im clearly the outlier here."
"My wife is the exact same with her family."
"She couldn't stop for 2 mins without it turning into 20 mins of hugging and talking."
"I stay in the car if she is 'just dropping' something off."
"Its unnecessary in my opinion."
"Just hello, here is the thing, goodbye."- jpthelad
"I sometimes sit in the car when my partner is dropping items off or picking something up."
"I love his family, they are wonderful people but his Mom is a talker."
"She enjoys chatting and telling stories, and most of the time I don't mind and have time but not always."
"When we are in a hurry, I stay out in the car."
"You are NTA."- Basic-Bullfrog4115
"Absolutely shocking seeing how many people think you're the a**hole for this."
"I cannot imagine being that neurotic and divorced from reality to arrive at that conclusion."
"This is the one time you've done it."
"It's okay to be affected emotionally by things in life."
"If I'm feeling like sh*t, I don't go out with my friends."
"I wouldn't want my friends to go out if they felt like sh*t, too."
"Same applies to family."
"But again, with this, he was going in to grab something."
"That's it."
"Even if you felt fine, you're still justified because that's just a f*cking normal thing to do."
"NTA."- FlyBright1930
"NTA."
"Reading these comments has me feeling like I'm losing my mind."
"OP is not talking about going into the house and not speaking to his parents, that would of course be rude as hell."
"She is talking about waiting in the car while he either drops off or picks up something."
"That is not rude."
"Especially when she probably already visited with them at least three other times that same week."-Exciting-Chicken-945
"I'm not sure everyone read the whole thing, she sees them every day."
"So to me, NTA."
"It seems occasionally you could wait in the car if it's a quick stop."
"I'm also an introvert though, so small talk convos like that can be."- Theodora1976
"NTA."
"He is lol."
"You're allowed to stay in the car, if he's just running in for a minute?"
"He's being ridiculous."
"You don't need to run in with him EVERY TIME and make an ordeal out of it."
"That would drain me so fast, haha."
"As long as you say hi when u do go in, I see no issue, but I draw the line at hugging, I don't even hug my own parents, let alone my bf's lmaoooo."
"Ur feelings are valid."
"Ur bf is TA."
"My man understands when I feel this way, doesn't complain either, we spoke in detail!"
"Just to put that into perspective."
"He's the AH just from his response to you saying 'I just don't have the energy today' basically."
"Foul."- Few-Extension-5973
"NTA."
"I feel like something that people are skimming past is that OP mentioned being expected to give hugs as well as say hi."
"And that they always do, but this one single instance, they were in a bad mood and decided not to come inside for a quick 5-minute stop by to pick something up."
"People here are saying it's rude, but I feel like it's not only reasonable, but actually polite to not come inside and give them hugs and chit chat when you're clearly not in a good mood and out of social battery to pretend to be."
"It would be much ruder to go in with a grumpy face, when you know you don't have the enthusiasm to make the interaction nice for everyone involved."
"I wouldn't want to hug someone who doesn't want to?"
"And for everyone saying to just be nice and put on a smile, this is the one instance where OP is recognizing that they won't be able to, they are in a bad mood, they are being reasonable, and when they feel better they can just explain and communicate like adults that, 'Hey, sorry I didn't stop in like usual, I wasn't feeling great and didn't want my grumpy mood to rub off on anyone'. Thanks for understanding that I'm not always in a hugging mood'."
"Or something."
"It's not a big deal, geez."- QuittingAlive
"My in-laws are exhausting and talk your ear off."
"It's never quick."
"We are never there for 2 minutes, it is always at minimum 40 minutes, and some days, I just don't have the energy, or we have other plans, and frequently end up late because of it."
"Nothing wrong with wanting to just go home."
"NTA."- No_Box2690
"NTA."
"I get insanely pissed off when I'm trying to do something quickly, and it ends up turning into an hour ordeal because of bullshit like this."- tinyalienperson
"NTA."
"His expectations are too high, and to make you feel like shit rather than have a conversation about different social energy levels is a**holish on his part."
"If he can't express his feelings without scoffing, you're better off without him, and I mean that seriously."- mohksinatsi
"NTA."
"If I'm reading this right."
"He lives with them, so if you and he stop by for 5 min, I'm assuming he forgot something and needs to grab it, or wants to drop something off, and then you both will continue with whatever you were doing."
"There is nothing wrong with or rude about waiting in the car while he runs in for a couple of minutes."
"He kinda sounds like a d*ck though."- Jobotica
"NTA."
"People have different social batteries."
"If they can't understand one time you didn't go see them, then they're weird."
"It's not like you went into the house, and you'd already seen them that day."- toobasic2care
"NTA."
"In general, I agree that it's nice to say hi to his family when you stop by, and that it's something you should make an effort to do most of the time, even if it's a quick stop."
"I have no real reason for that, I just think it's nice if you plan to be with someone long term."
"HOWEVER, you are so totally allowed to want to stay in the car from time to time when you don't feel like socializing!"
"I don't like that your partner reacted so negatively."
"If I had to guess, he just doesn't feel like explaining to his parents why you didn't come in, but that's a problem he should be willing to deal with from time to time."
"How hard would it be to say 'She's on the phone with her mom, I'm just going to grab xyz so we can head back out. She says hi!' if the truth is too hard to manage?
"There's got to be a middle ground here where you make his family mostly happy without feeling like you have to put on a song and dance every time, it's just a question of if he's interested in finding that solution with you."- Remarkable-Banana512
If the OP was refusing to meet the OP's parents or wanted to cut ties with them in any way, this would be an entirely different story.
As the OP, instead, just didn't feel up to speaking with them on a day they weren't really in the mood to speak with anyone.
Leading one to feel that it was the OP's boyfriend, not the OP, who needed to "get over it"...
