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Woman Tells Sister Her Baby Born Using IVF Isn’t ‘Real’ After Jab About Her Lab-Grown Diamond

Toddler crying
Thanasis Zovoilis/GettyImages

When we’re under verbal attack, our natural instinct is to either ignore the comment or retaliate.

But when the person with whom you’re having beef with is a family member, the things you say in response can be misinterpreted, and therefore, exacerbate the problem.

A woman experienced this with her sister, and it started with initial good news that went south quickly.

After causing drama, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.

There, Redditor Empty-Button-6511 asked:

“AITA for telling my sister her baby isn’t a real baby”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (26 F[female]) got engaged to my fiance on January 1st. I was very excited to share with my family of course, and everyone congratulated me and my fiance.”

“I sent a picture of my ring to my family group chat as well as my Instagram and everyone has been commenting on the fact I got a very big diamond. My diamond is a lab grown diamond that is just under 5ct.

“I specifically asked for a lab diamond as I believe they’re more ethical, as you never know if a mined diamond is a blood diamond.”

“My sister (31 F[female]) was very excited for me but as soon as I showed her my ring her mood changed and she was telling me that it was too flashy and that its not practicical and that it’s too trendy and ‘not timeless.’ “

The OP continued:

“My ring is a pear shaped solitare ring with a marquis band and I LOVE it. My sister then told me that there was no way that my fiance could afford my ring (true if it was a mined diamond it would be 10x the price and my fiance is a second year resident) and that I should test to see if it’s a real diamond.”

“I replied that since it’s a lab diamond it was a lot less expensive. She then proceeded to tell me how lab diamonds aren’t real diamonds and since they’re made in a lab it doesn’t hold the same sentimental value. My sister’s ring is a small 1ct mined diamond and it’s beautiful, I never said anything bad about her ring and it suits her.”

“I tried to laugh it off and I told her that I asked for a lab diamond and that I don’t want a mined diamond. When I said that she started yelling at me that it wasn’t even a real diamond in the first place and that it was grown in a lab not the ground.”

What followed was the conflict that brought here here.

“That’s when said by her logic, my niece wasn’t a real baby then because she was an IVF baby and grown in a lab too. My sister and her husband had a lot of issues conceiving as my sister had some complications with endometriosis.”

“Their IVF journey was really tough and they had multiple rounds and attempts, and one miscarriage but finally got lucky and had my very healthy neice last year.”

“I know my sister had a hard time conceiving, that was kind of the point I was making, my niece started in a lab but she has beautiful meaning behind her life too. When I made the comment that my niece wasn’t a real baby because she was an IVF baby my sister started crying over the phone.”

“Her husband then called me and berated me and told me I was insensitive and couldn’t understand the depths of her emotional turmoil and that I shouldn’t have started a fight over a ring. He even said I was ableist??? I have endometriosis too.”

“My mom says it’s not a big deal but I should let my sister cool off. I usually babysit my niece pretty often but my sister hasn’t been answering my calls for a week. My fiance says although I probably shouldn’t have said that, I was justified. I didn’t mean it seriously, I know my neice is a real baby and I adore her and spoil her all the time. Am I the a**hole?”

The OP updated the post with the following edit:

“As of this morning my sister has called me asking for a babysitter. I suspected that this would be why she would call me as I have been babysitting for free when no one else in our family or BIL family will.”

“She apologized that her husband called me and cussed me out but she didn’t apologize for her comments, I apologized for what I said as it was insensitive but explained to her that she misunderstood what I meant.”

“And to everyone who is confused, I do not think IVF babies are not real babies. Obviously. I was so taken aback that some of you guys read my post and thought that.”

“I said by my SISTER’S OWN LOGIC she thinks her baby isn’t a real baby because apparently things can’t be real if they’re grown in a lab to her. The point I was making was my diamond is real just like her baby is real.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors had mixed thoughts, but a good majority thought she was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

“ESH but I think OP’s point in using this illustration is that both the diamond and the niece are very real. Sister is probably extra sensitive about this issue because of the trauma of IVF and everything they’ve been through. But OP is saying I would never use your logic that something from a lab isn’t real because I would never say your child isn’t real.”

“She had to know the comparison was not going to go over successfully. But if we were robots, it holds up logically. Now everyone go to your separate corners until you cool off and feel ready to apologize.” – OneOfTheLocals

“Mhm. I think the important thing here is that you made a point to take your sister’s reasoning (aka something grown in a lab isn’t real) and applied it to something else that you both know of. You didn’t bring it up out of nothing and it also doesn’t represent your actual thoughts, it’s just a far extension of your sister’s argument.”

“Your sister started a stupid fight, I think because she is jealous of your ring and felt the need to put you down. You hit her where it hurts, not going to lie, but she set herself up for it.”

“I wanna say justified a-hole, but as there isn’t such an option, I’m gonna go with NTA because hey. Your niece did start in a lab. There is nothing wrong with that, and if your sister isn’t ready to admit that perhaps she shouldn’t talk shit about things being “from a lab”.”

“Congrats on the engagement and ring, I’m sure it’s beautiful.” – katbelleinthedark

“Her mom’s response tells me everything I need to know about the sisters’ dynamics. Sister is emotionally driven, and OP is logical. NTA, and while it would have been kind to walk away, sometimes unhinged behavior needs a proper shutdown. The sister has probably treated OP this way all their lives, and OP shouldn’t always be the one who shows kindness and compassion and walks away.” – Planty_Plants474

“NTA — you didn’t really tell your sister that her baby is not a real baby, you used the comparison as a way to show her how idiotic her arguments were. And you are right.” – Campyloobster

“NTA..however, your sister is the AH. Who the F cares if your ring is lab-grown or a blood diamond? You are extremely happy with it & that’s all that should matter. What doesn’t matter is her opinion. I understand your reasoning to equate that your diamond is not real vs her baby wasn’t conceived the natural way, just like your diamond.”

“She will never see it that way, & will never have the emotional capacity to equate the two in the terms of how both, baby & diamond were created.”

“Best way forward is to apologize to your sister for stating her baby wasn’t a real baby. Your BIL, deal with him at a later date. I would like to express to your sister how hurtful her comment was & going on & on about your diamond not holding a sentimental value. She insulted you & she should hear about it & let her know she is the only one that has a problem with your diamond, not you.” – AbjectMagazine9826

“NTA I am going against everyone else. They keep saying that you did something wrong by comparing her statement to a previous real life scenario.”

“Thats how having a conversation/discussion works. You never said your niece was lesser than you; your sister is just now caught in a space she can’t get out of because what you said was right. If your sister insists that lab grown anything = not real or not valuable. Then she is saying her own lab grown child is that. But she doesn’t have a reason why that’s not true by her own logic, so instead, she melted down and threw a hissy fit.”

“She wanted to be right; she wanted to demean and belittle both of you; she wanted to live in her envy and jealousy. Now she gets to sit there and not be able to come back from what an awful thing she said truly was. She either has to admit your ring is valid, or she ignores you and hopes other people join in on her pity party.”

“If she wasn’t willing to have that conversation/discussion, she shouldn’t have thrown the glove.” – WhisperingWillowWisp

Overall, Redditors thought the OP was unfairly drawing a conclusion based on logic, while the sister initiated the drama by minimizing the value of the lab-grown diamond.

Redditors could understand both points of view but ultimately believed the siblings should take some time out for themselves to cool off before things unravel further.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo