Most of us can agree that pranks are only funny if everyone ends up genuinely laughing.
But there are some kids, and even their parents, who refuse to see it that way, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Small-Raspberry-6561 was well aware that her son liked to prank people and that he sometimes took it too far, but his most recent prank against his sister was inexcusable.
But when her husband called her a bad parent after punishing their son for the prank, the Original Poster (OP) began to wonder whose side her husband was actually on.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for making my son clean up after his sister in the bathroom?"
The OP's almost-teenage son loved to pull pranks on people.
"I (40s Female) have two children, 'Dax' (12 Male) and 'Mia' (14 Female)."
"My kids don't get along super well. Dax thinks 'pranks' are really funny, I guess like every 12-year-old boy, and he annoys Mia with them a lot."
"It's something my husband and I have been working on as it's the source of many fights between them."
"Dax gets a lot of prank ideas from YouTube and TikTok and will often recreate what he sees. Most of them are harmless (something like a fake spider in her food, etc.), but this time, I think he went too far."
The OP found her son's latest prank to be inexcusable.
"Dax thought it would be funny to put Saran Wrap over the toilet before my daughter went to the bathroom. He says he got the idea online."
"I don't know if this is a thing, but it's a terrible prank. Basically, he put plastic wrap under the toilet seat, so if someone sits on it, well, it pretty much makes a mess all over the toilet bowl and floor instead of going in the bowl. Yeah I know, ew."
"So he set this up right before Mia went in the bathroom to pee. When she got in there, she sat on the seat like normal, peed, and since there was plastic wrap over the hole, her pee collected on it and got everywhere, all around the ground on the toilet, and on her."
"She came to me crying. She was embarrassed because she's a teenage girl and this is... disgusting."
"I told Mia to shower and not worry about the mess."
The OP punished her son for the bathroom prank.
"Here's where I might be the AH... I went to my son and yelled at him for what he did. I told him that's not an appropriate prank and he's old enough to know that's not okay."
"And then I made him clean it up."
"He started crying, saying it was unfair I make him clean his sister's pee."
"'It's gross and I'm going to be sick,' he said, and 'It's from her body so she should clean it.'"
"But it was all his fault and literally his mess to deal with. I don't know why I should humiliate my daughter further or why I should have to clean it."
"And the biggest thing, he needed to learn."
"I told him the mess was his fault and he should think about the repercussions of his actions next time, because this is what his prank caused. And then I stood in the doorway and watched as I made him clean all of the urine off the floor and toilet."
"I think it was an appropriate punishment considering it's really just the natural consequence of what he did, and it doubles as a general lesson in how to clean a toilet, which he has to learn at some point anyway."
The OP's husband did not see it that way.
"Well, my husband disagreed. This all happened while he was at work, and after he got home, Dax complained to him."
"He told me I was overly harsh on our son and 'put him in danger' by exposing him to germs."
"But I gave him the same gloves I use when I have to wash the toilet and it's not like he was unsupervised."
"But my husband is mad at me and told me I want 'too far' and that's 'bad parenting.'"
"Of course, my son is mad at me too. But my daughter is on my side."
"AITA? Am I a bad Mom?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the punishment did not make her a "bad mom."
"So your daughter should have been exposed to germs instead and had to clean up a mess she in no way had a hand in making? What is that?"
"NTA. Cleaning the toilet isn't torture or harsh punishment. It's a household chore someone has to do. He just made it dirtier for himself by pranking his sister. Maybe he'll knock it off finally and poor Mia will get some peace." - Weekend_Breakfast
"NTA."
"First off, way to parent!"
"12 years old isn't too young to learn about accountability, and your husband should know that. It's not like your daughter 'missed the toilet' and got urine all over the place, and you forced your son to clean up her mess."
"Of course your son is mad. It's disgusting and he didn't think about the repercussions of a 'prank.'"
"Think your husband would have found it funny if he were the victim?" - mr_stuffins08
"NTA, but your husband is, and you can see why Dax thinks it's okay to pull this s**t on his sister."
"What the f**k is your husband on about 'you put him in danger by exposing him to germs'? He cleaned a toilet, for f**k's sake. We all do it. In fact, lots of 12-year-olds do it as part of their chores!"
"You should ask your husband if he'd prefer it if he left Dax's messes for him to clean up when he finishes work in the future." - Slight_Nail_5869
"You were right. There wouldn't have been pee on the floor if he hadn't played his stupid prank. Your husband should back you up. He isn't doing Dax any good."
"I am tempted to advocate for his internet access to be restricted, because he has shown he isn't using it responsibly."
"By the way, what did your husband think was suitable punishment? NTA." - Accomplished_Two1611
"You should nip that s**t in the bud. The fact that your son thought his sister p**sing onto herself is a funny joke portends bad things for his future. He isn't eight or five; he's 12 and should have developed some empathy, a sense of boundaries, and propriety by now."
"You got yourself a husband problem. The fact that your daughter's father doesn't see that he should be standing up and showing her he won't stand for his daughter to be humiliated like that... that it's okay for her to be humiliated and abused, but it isn't okay for her brother to be humiliated or held responsible or to face consequences for his actions... is setting an awful example for her future relationships and expectations of the men in her life."
"If you read nothing I said, please read this: Her dad's treatment of her will set the example and resonate for the rest of her life, and in this case, he is failing HARD."
"That's his true failing here. He is being a boy-dad and forgetting he's a girl-dad, too."
"NTA." - DenizenKay
But others didn't think the OP was the AH for the punishment, but rather, for TikTok.
"YTA for still allowing him to watch YouTube and TikTok."
"But you were right to make him clean up the mess he made with his plastic wrap."
"Your husband an a**hole and an idi*t. Maybe y'all should separate. You take your daughter, he takes your son. Boom, you've removed the toxicity from you and your daughter's lives." - everlyafterhappy
"So your husband doesn't believe in deleting TikTok (the main source of these bullying, unfunny, and potentially dangerous pranks), and you don't make him remove the videos from the app? Where he gets his reactions/positive reinforcement, likes, and clout?"
"You're not AH for trying to hold him accountable but YTA for allowing your daughter to be pranked against her wishes, displayed to the world for her brother's amusement and clout, and removing her sense of safety and security in her own home."
"If your husband is sooooo concerned with his son's well-being, why is he completely discounting his daughter's?" - AriesProductions
"NTA. The kid caused a mess, so the kid cleans up the mess."
"Your husband is an idi*t. Your daughter's pee won't threaten your son's life (massive eyeroll). Did he never change diapers when your kids were small?"
"Additional YTA for not regulating the garbage your kid is watching on TikTok. Delete and block that garbage from his devices." - FritosRule
"YTA."
"You should do the same thing my brother did with his son... go on, erase his prank videos, and ban him off the internet for a few months."
"My nephew was acting like he was some sort of internet star and ended up pranking someone badly and damaging stuff. He was about 11 at the time. My brother erased everything he put online, took him off the internet, and didn't let him go online unless supervised."
"My nephew is much better behaved now." - MissCrabucket
Some challenged the OP to be a better advocate for her daughter, who was being bullied.
"Frankly, YTA for allowing your son to bully your daughter. It's only a prank if it leaves both parties laughing. Otherwise, it's just abuse. If you think it's fine for him to play these 'pranks,' then let him play them on you, but your daughter should be able to opt-out."
"You are not providing a safe, secure home for your young daughter, and you are teaching her she must accept abuse from boys for their entertainment. You're also teaching your son he can treat girls however he wants, no matter what they say or how they feel."
"Ask your daughter if she's okay with being your son's target. If she's not, you are morally obligated to make this stop, whatever it takes."
"Take his phone. Change the WiFi password. Take every privilege he has away from him, one by one, until you have taught your son to respect a woman's 'no.' You are raising a bad son and not protecting your daughter. YTA." - IHQ_Throwaway
"For the punishment, NTA at all."
"I'm sorry to say, but YTA for making your already-sensitive teenage daughter live with an in-house bully. Which is awful. She can`t even feel relaxed and safe in her own home."
"Restrict your annoying son to pranking only his father. With no other casualties."
"I wonder how harmless your husband will find it then." - Sad-Card-1030
"These pranks are not harmless. Your daughter doesn't think they're funny. No one does except the inconsiderate brat you're raising. No, not all 12-year-old boys think hurting and scaring people is funny. He made a 14-year-old girl cry, and it's 'the source of many fights between them.'"
"YTA for letting it get this far. I'm sorry your husband isn't helping you, but YOU need to stand up for your daughter. Her brother is BULLYING her. He's TRAUMATISING her, and you're LETTING him with your ineffective 'punishments.' YTA." - the_siren_song
"YTA for allowing your son to terrorize his sister and for allowing your son to grow into a bully. Most 12-year-old boys do not bully people disguised as pranks."
"No wonder your kids don't get along. Your son should only be allowed to prank his dad, who is also probably a bully."
"Everyone but your daughter sucks." - RUKiddingMoi
The subReddit didn't see an issue with the punishment the OP had chosen, but there were far greater issues at home than the punishment for one of many pranks.
Rather than taking issue with the punishment, they were far more concerned about how the OP's daughter was treated and how her mental health eventually would be if her brother didn't stop bullying her and if her father didn't start equally advocating for her.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.