Choosing a wedding date is never as easy as anyone wants it to be.
While many couples have a very specific date in mind to commemorate another special occasion, their dream venue might not be available.
Forcing them to compromise and decide which is more important, venue or date.
Some couples also might choose a date that some of their nearest and dearest simply won't be able to make.
Leading them to question how important their presence is at their wedding.
The sister of Redditor No-Stay8551 was soon to be married,
Unfortunately, her first choice venue wasn't available in the desired month she wanted to get married.
Leading her to choose a date that would make the original poster (OP)'s attending challenging to the point of impossible.
Having guilt about the possibility of missing the wedding, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For not attending my own sister’s wedding?"
The OP explained why she likely would not be attending her sister's wedding:
"Back in November, my husband and I found out that we are expecting our first baby."
"My sister got engaged in February of this year."
"I knew that my sister didn’t want a very long engagement, and I was nervous that she was going to pick a date around my due date."
"We told my family immediately that we were expecting at the end of July."
"Once my sister got into planning mode for the wedding, I asked her what month she was thinking about getting married."
"She told me they were thinking about getting married in August."
"A few days later though, my sister decided she wanted to get married in October."
"When they finally reached out to the venue, the month of October was completely booked."
"The alternatives were either August 8th or the 15th, or the entire month of September or November was open as well."
"I had a feeling my sister was going to choose August 8th."
"When she told me she was leaning towards choosing that date, I told her that I would not be able to attend her wedding because it was a week and a half after my due date."
"On the phone, she seemed very understanding, but I heard from other family members that her fiancé was upset and didn’t understand why I couldn’t just bring the newborn baby to their wedding."
"I directly told them that I did not feel comfortable bringing a week and a half old to a wedding, and being newly postpartum, I wanted to prioritize my recovery after birth."
"Since then, a lot of friends and family who have been invited have been asking me at social events and such if I’m attending the wedding."
"When I tell them no, literally everyone’s jaw will drop."
"I also spoke on the phone with my other sister who told me that my sister who is getting married is hoping that I’ll still be able to go to the wedding and that she was in fact a little upset deep down about me not going."
"This sister on the phone also told me that “it’s crazy” that I’m not going to the wedding."
"I know it sounds bad that I’m not going to my own sister’s wedding, but AMIA here?"
"I don’t want to sound selfish, but do people not understand that going through birth and postpartum isn’t just an instant comeback?"
"I feel like if my sister really wanted me at her wedding, she should’ve chose a later date."
"I understand that it’s her wedding and they are going to choose the date that they want, but I feel like it’s not fair that people are acting as if I’m making some sorry excuse to not go."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for skipping her sister's wedding.
Everyone agreed that one way or the other, the OP would likely not be able to attend the wedding and was right in prioritizing her baby's and her own health:
"NTA."
"Also, for what it’s worth, you could still be in the hospital on the day of the wedding."
"A due date isn’t a guarantee."
"I went a week past my due date, followed by a few days in the hospital."- AppropriatePart6497
"The last place a one week old newborn with an undeveloped immune system should be is a huge family gathering where everyone and their dog will insist on slobbering all over them."
"NTA."- Stan__Wright
'NTA in. The. Least."
"First off, that's your due date."
"Odds of your baby coming on your due date are very slim."
"Could be early, in which case you'll still have on a diaper for the massive amounts of bleeding, maybe you have stitches in your perineum from vagina to anus."
"Or you have a c section, where they had to cut through 7 layers of tissue and stitch them back up again."
"Perfect for getting down on the dance floor.
"Your baby could be late, in which case you risk going into labor at your sister's wedding."
"I'll bet your sister, who is so selfish she's asking a week postpartum mom to attend her expensive party that could have been on another day, would LOVE if you took all the attention from her with your water breaking in the middle of the dance floor."
"Or maybe you'll have contractions in the middle of her vows!"
"What fun!"
"What's the saying?"
"Your poor planning is not my emergency?"
"Tell your family to kick rocks."- HibiscusPoeppigii
"NTA."
"People who haven’t had babies have no idea how hard the weeks after giving birth are."
"A week or so postpartum you’ll be lucky if you manage to get your clothes on right side out."
"Travel is unnecessarily risky for a newborn."
"She chose her date after yours was on the books."
"Her unfortunate choice of date means you simply can’t come, period."- CarpenterMom
"Have none of these people reproduced or know anyone who has?"
"10 days after your due date, you're still waddling everywhere, hoping you don't bleed through whatever you've got strapped to you."
"Zero sleep, hormones raging, brand new human to keep alive."
"And that's the best case scenario where the baby doesn't need to go to the NICU and you don't need an extended hospital stay."
"These family members are not being considerate."
"NTA."
"But you would be if you go to that wedding."
"Don't put yourself at risk of injury or sickness when you'll have a baby to care for."- TheeQuestionWitch
"NTA."
"First of all a due date is an estimate."
"You could go into labour at any point between 38-42 weeks."
"Secondly, if baby comes exactly when expected and without complications for you or them, you will be adjusting to having a baby for a good three months."
"Thirdly, week old babies do not have an immune system yet!"
'You can't be taking them around a weddings worth of people of unknown health status!"
"Like, I'd go to a wedding with a head cold, I would not visit a newborn."- Anxious_Reporter_601
"NTA she knowingly (intentionally??) chose a date where she knew you wouldn’t be able to come."
"This is on her. If I were you, I’d be telling people 'oh I really wanted to go but unfortunately she decided to book it a week after my due date so I won’t be able to, I’m very disappointed but wish them well'.”
"You are likely still going to be bleeding and barely beginning to heal from childbirth at that point (and that’s if everything goes well!) so even if you could leave your newborn at home, it would be a miserable experience for you, if even physically possible."-yourlittlebirdi
"If I was in your family, I'd be more aghast at your sister booking so soon after you're due!"
"NTA!"- Myrddyn_
"NTA, childbirth is a valid reason not to attend a wedding or other major events."
"I believe your sister and her fiancé should not be 'speaking negatively' of you like this."
"I am appalled by the lack of empathy from others aw well."
"Pregnancy, giving birth and the post-partum recovery is challenging and every mother has a unique experience."- ProgrammerWarm8388
"NTA."
"You gave sister your due date, you told her you would not attend if she picked the August date, but she did so anyways. In doing that, that's basically accepting that you would not be there."
"Her fiancé not getting why you wouldn't bring a newborn is laughable; very naive take."
"Stick with your plan and don't let anyone make you feel like an AH for it."- Stranger0nReddit
The OP's sister has every right to be disappointed by the fact that her sister won't be at her wedding.
If this was that important to the OP's sister, however, then she probably should have picked another date, if not another venue for her wedding. One of those sad situations where the OP's sister has no one to blame for her unhappiness but herself.
