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Mom Wants To Ban SIL From Baby Shower After She Announced Pregnancy At Daughter’s Funeral

Pregnant woman
Tassii/Getty Images

Content Warning: Child Loss, Mourning, Childhood Cancer

When we have a special day coming up, like a significant birthday or anniversary, it’s reasonable for us to be excited about the party and to even expect to be the center of attention.

It’s unbelievably frustrating, and often hurtful, when someone steals the spotlight by trying to one-up the party, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.

The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was still hurt by her sister-in-law’s behavior, who decided to announce that she was expecting… at the Redditor’s toddler daughter’s funeral.

When the Original Poster (OP) got pregnant again, she planned early on to not invite her sister-in-law to the baby shower to avoid the same thing inevitably happening again.

She asked the sub:

“WIBTAH (Would I Be the A**hole) for not inviting my SIL (Sister-in-Law) to my baby shower after she announced her pregnancy at my daughter’s funeral?”

The OP had to organize a memorial for her two-year-old daughter.

“In 2020, I (28 Fenake) gave birth to my daughter. In 2022, she passed away after a fight with childhood cancer.”

“It was the hardest time of both my and my husband’s entire lives. Since then, it’s been a struggle every day and I miss her more than I ever thought I could miss someone. It’s like a part of me was lost with her.”

“Shortly after she passed away, we had a memorial service for her.”

One of the OP’s sisters-in-law (SIL) did something appalling at the memorial.

“My SIL decided the memorial was the time to tell people that she was expecting. She was not showing at all, five weeks pregnant at the most, and nobody had asked her or expected anything.”

“She didn’t make a big announcement, but more than 10 people at the service ‘heard’ and it quickly became what everyone was talking about.”

“To understate it, I was livid. And she knows I was furious.”

“It’s the only time in my whole life where I saw my baby sister get violent. (Not really but she threw her out, and that’s very out of character.)”

“My SIL tried to call my husband after, crying, apologizing, the whole nine yards, but since that happened, he just hasn’t spoken to her. Neither have I.”

“She’s had her baby, a boy, and named it the same name that her own sister had wanted for years.”

The OP didn’t want to give her SIL the opportunity to ever do something like that ever again.

“A few months ago, I found out I was pregnant again.”

“My own sister really wanted to plan my baby shower. I said okay and I’ve been working on who I want to invite.”

“I really don’t want my SIL there. Besides what she did, she’s a vindictive and mean person and I cannot stand her.”

“She’s also the golden child who can do no wrong. It’s sort of why her siblings have indifference or outright dislike towards her anyway. They are a ‘come from money’ family, and my husband, BIL (Brother-in-Law), and other SIL all got really high-paying, affluent jobs. She lives off a trust fund.”

“I don’t want her there. I would still be inviting my other two SILs (my husband’s other sister and my husband’s brother’s wife). This SIL would be the only one not invited.”

“I mentioned it to my husband and he says he could care less whether she’s there or not.”

“But for the sake of saving face, I want opinions before I do this.”

“WIBTAH for not inviting her?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some were appalled by what the OP’s sister-in-law (SIL) had done.

“First off OP, I am so sorry for you and your husband’s loss. I would be an absolute mess if I lost one of my children so young. I was an absolute mess when my cousin came down with meningitis and was taken off life support (he was only five, and it hit me really hard because I babysat him a LOT).”

“Your SIL is a piece of something for doing that at your child’s memorial. TOTALLY classless. I wish you all the best with this pregnancy and any other pregnancies you may have.”

“I was going to say do something like that during something that was important to her, but you don’t want to be labeled like her.”

“Hugs.” – WhiteSheDevil81

“I had just found out I was pregnant for the first time when a friend’s son died suddenly. My pregnancy announcement waited nearly six months (until I really couldn’t hide it easily) to give her time to mourn without having to pretend to be happy.”

“I cannot imagine the sheer audacity of announcing it at another child’s funeral. At a grandparent’s funeral, maybe (the legacy continues; I hope they get Grandma’s sweetness), but no one else’s. No one under 70, and that also depends on the family’s perspectives.” – lennieandthejetssss

“NTA and I am so sorry for your loss.”

“We were going to announce my pregnancy to our group of friends, but one of our friends turned it into a birthday celebration for our friends who were having a birthday the day after, so we just didn’t announce it because we didn’t want to take away from the birthday celebration.”

“I could not imagine announcing my pregnancy at my niece’s memorial.”

“You’re better than me because I would have gone no contact after that stunt. Hold your boundaries, people that get mad about your boundaries were the ones that benefitted the most from you not having them.” – katbug09

“People who announce things at other people’s weddings are AHs. Announcing, however quietly, ANYTHING at a memorial is just… I have no words.”

“You are a far better person than me for restraining yourself. And please don’t invite her to anything ever again, starting with your baby shower.” – Beth21286

“It’s so sad, but worse, one of the worst days of OP’s life. It’s f**king heartbreaking that her SIL did that! I mean, what the f**k? I would never have spoken to her again in my life.”

“And I couldn’t have beaten her a** right then, it would have to wait until after she gave birth! But then all bets would have been off!” – Doyoulikeithere

“That level of Main Character Syndrome is scary. I cannot imagine the hell you’ve been through with your child’s illness and death. Cannot express enough sympathy.”

“And I’m impressed you didn’t beat the crap out of her at the funeral. I know violence is bad, but there are some people that need to be bitch slapped to learn a lesson.”

“Cut that nutjob out of your life and move forward. She’ll take over the baby shower or try to force you to talk about your older child until you break down (then try and be the ‘hero’ comforting you).” – Sugar_Mama76

Others supported the OP’s decision not to invite her SIL to her baby shower.

“‘NCIS’ said it best: When you lose a spouse, you are a widow. When you lose your parents, you are an orphan. But to lose a child? It’s so horrible, there is no name. It’s a club no one wants to be in.”

“I’m sorry for the loss of your sweet little girl. I’m sorry your SIL is such garbage. Definitely do NOT invite her.”

“Super Congrats in your new little one! I hope the pregnancy is going smoothly for you.”

“NTA. At all.” – LiteUpThatSkye

“Some people have said what the SIL did was insane behavior, but it’s not insane. It’s 100% selfish, a**hat behavior. She knows she behaved badly, but all the attention was then on her, wasn’t it?”

“The thing to do with this type of person is not to give them any attention. No negative or positive attention.”


“If asked why she wasn’t invited, simply state, ‘You do not know how to behave in an appropriate manner in this type of setting.'” – Danivelle

“NTA. She will try and one-up every event, be it the upcoming birth of your new baby, wedding anniversaries, or birthdays, and she will delight in kicking you when you’re down as you’ve already experienced.”

“Her kid will always be better than yours, and she will pick holes in your parenting and your child’s progress and looks. Any anomalies or illnesses along the way will give her pleasure.”

“Your little one does not need a b***h auntie like that. She’d be dead to me.” – Vyvyansmum

“I totally support you in not inviting her, OP, NTA.”

“Be sure to tell your other SILs (just before invitations go out) that she won’t be getting one.”

“Don’t go into specifics but say, ‘There’s history that means I’ve decided not to invite her. If she tries to engage in speculation or gossip, please ask her to contact me directly to discuss.’ Don’t feed the beast.” – Procrastinator_Mum

“She definitely won’t be missed by anyone from the sounds of it.”

“I got some great advice from my speech therapist: if someone doesn’t follow social roles, then you don’t have to, either. Don’t worry about what other people think; she crossed a line and deserves no consideration. Anyone who advocates for her should receive the same.” – evilslothofdoom

“I’m stunned you aren’t no contact with her yet. Because if you were, this wouldn’t even be a question. You’re no contact, so of course she’s not invited.” – buttercupcake23

The subReddit was appalled by the sister-in-law’s behavior and shocked that the OP was still in contact with her and anyone who supported her, let alone worrying about whether or not to invite her to an important life event.

But at the end of the day, the sister-in-law had attempted to ruin the OP’s memorial for her late daughter. She didn’t deserve a chance to try to ruin the OP’s baby shower for her future child, too.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.