I’ve owned cats all my life, but would never imagine bringing them with me everywhere, despite their compact, portable size.
So why do some people insist on doing that with their dogs?
Some places are pet-friendly and dogs are welcome, but forcing your dog into spaces not designed for them or into other people’s homes is just rude and potentially dangerous.
A parent dealing with their mother-in-law’s aggressive dog turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after banning the dog from their home.
Negative_Appeal_5928 asked:
“AITA for telling my mother-in-law that she can’t bring her dog to our home?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife and I live in a small condo with a 1-year-old son and 2 cats. My mother-in-law has a small Maltese dog which is very loud, always barking.”
“This dog has growled at our son multiple times and even tried to bite him in the past. On top of that, our 2 cats get very upset whenever she brings the dog over to our place. They will hide under the bed and hiss.”
“My mother-in-law has noticed this and has apologized that the cats are uncomfortable. While we let her bring her dog in the past, the last time we decided that the dog wasn’t safe for our son, and that the cats shouldn’t have to deal with seeing this dog if it makes them uncomfortable.”
“I decided that I didn’t want her dog to visit anymore with her. My wife has said multiple times she doesn’t want the dog over either, but she’s afraid to offend her mother.”
“Her mother will bring the dog to restaurants and shopping malls under the guise that the dog is a ‘service’ animal and even attempted to bring her into the hospital when our son was born, before she was told no.”
“The other day, we invited her over, and I told her that when she comes, not to bring her dog. She got really angry and started yelling on the phone, saying she won’t bother coming, only her husband will come.”
“It’s been almost 2 weeks. My wife tried to call her twice, and she hasn’t picked up. My father-in-law said she’s offended because she brought the dog in the past.”
“I told him that we decided after the last time the dog came and our son’s safety was at risk as well as the fact that the cats were upset meant that we decided going forward that other than our two cats, no pets are allowed at our home anymore.”
“I explained that it’s not a direct attack, but if anyone else wanted to bring a pet, we would also say they could not.”
“Apparently, my mother-in-law expects us to contact her even though we did twice and she didn’t answer. I have decided I’m not contacting her, and she can contact me/my wife if she wants to talk after she ignored my wife’s two calls.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I didn’t let my mother-in-law bring her dog, because she brought her dog in the past.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“How unyieldingly childish is this woman? Yeah, she brought the dog last time. That was the problem. NTA.” ~ ironchef8000
“The fact that she takes her dog to restaurants and even the hospital by pretending that it is a service animal tells you that she is childish, and also self-centered. Let her have her little hissy fit and not come over until she decides to act the way she should. I wouldn’t bother trying to contact her, leave it up to her to do the right thing.” ~ Infamous-Purple-3131
“Was coming to say this. Your MIL is a major AH for faking a service dog and putting real service dogs and their handlers at risk. She is also a major AH for letting her dog snap at your child.”
“Hold firm on your boundaries, OP. Also, as someone with a toxic MIL, 2 things that helped me – couples counseling and the book ‘Toxic In-Laws’ by Dr. Susan Forward.” ~ BluffCityTatter
“The dog may be an emotional support animal, but unless it is trained to perform a specific task, it is not a service animal. She needs to be set straight. Service animals are allowed everywhere; spoiled people’s pocket pets are not.”
“Moreover, the fact that the dog snapped at your child, who is at the same level and could be seriously injured, tells everyone it is not a service animal. She is the a**hole, not you. However, your wife needs more steel. This is her child!” ~ InevitableJury7510
“The dog growled at the baby, snapped at him, and almost bit him. The dog cannot come. If MIL makes that her hill to die on, make sure to get her a nice headstone. MIL cares more about the dog than her grandchild.”
“Your child’s safety is more important than her dog. NTA.” ~ Karamist623
“NTA, but now your wife knows the dog is more important than she and her family is. Hang in there.” ~ Mathamagician77
“MIL also doesn’t seem to care for the dog’s comfort either, since the dog is clearly unhappy when visiting. She cares about herself.” ~ calling_water
“I was thinking earlier today about whether narcissists in particular tend to have poorly behaved dogs, because they think of the dog as an extension of themselves, and therefore they can never be told no.”
“Just random musings totally unrelated to anything at all here.” ~ FeuerroteZora
“Ever notice that some people like having untrained and unpleasant pets? It’s like their sneaky, passive-aggressive ways of messing with people when they haven’t got the spine to be up front with their anger.” ~ Athingwithfeathers2
“So your MIL is essentially saying she chooses her own comfort of bringing her animal to your house over the safety of her grandchild? Her inability to properly train her dog is on her. NTA and good on you for putting your family’s NEEDS over your mil’s WANTS.” ~ slackerchic
“This is my thought too. OP is NTA, but their entitled MIL sure is when she puts her dog before the safety of her grandchild! This is absolutely disgusting.” ~ Public_Reaction2129
“NTA. Service dog handler here, I don’t even take my guy when I go to someone else’s house (unless we are traveling and it’s okay with the owner of the house, I do my best to make sure my guy isn’t a burden) but I’ve had two close friends have babies in the last two months and I left my guy home when I went to meet the babies.”
“They did not ask me to leave him at home. I decided it was best, and they appreciated it.”
“The growling and barking at your baby will only escalate as your child grows up. The toddler stage is going to be even worse. I would seriously worry that the child could be harmed by the dog. If it has attempted to bite your kid now, it probably will end up nipping or biting your child as they get even more mobile.”
“Something about the way babies move and toddlers move that freaks some dogs out, and it seems this dog needs training and separation from your child. The relationship might change as your child grows up (like kindergarten age) or it may not.”
‘Protect your child, if it hurts your MIL and she decides to not have a relationship with your child then that’s on her. Sorry, you and your wife are dealing with this OP.” ~ Temporary_Fee_1448
“I hate how entitled dog owners and ‘ESA’s’ have made it hard for real service dog owners. I’m not even a dog person. I don’t like dogs.”
“But service dogs are medical equipment, and everyone trying to pass off their dog as a fake service dog is making it so hard for service dog owners. Like now, when someone says this is a service dog, nobody believes them because of people like this MIL.” ~ MoirasCheese
“NTA. My guess is that if the dog behaved itself around your son, more so than the cats, this wouldn’t be an issue. Your MIL doesn’t seem like a reasonable person, and it seems her dog is a higher priority than her own family. While she won’t see past her own selfishness, the ball is in her court to come to you.” ~ Pappy579
“NTA. You sound like very sweet people. I would like to be friends with folks like you. Now get a backbone!”
“This is an easy one, an ‘oh hell no you don’t bring Fido Berserko into this home with our baby’ one.”
“Future efforts to protect your child won’t always be so obvious. So practice saying No for future scenarios, by saying it now, steadily and unwaveringly, and without guilt and without hiding the truth or making up excuses, just the straight truth, to your entitled and reckless MIL.” ~ Expert_Slip7543
“NTA. It’s just rude to bring your dog to somebody’s house. And your MIL sounds beyond entitled and rude.” ~ whynotbecause88
“What is it with people seemingly being incapable of being separated from their dogs? This is a relatively recent thing, and it pisses me off. It shows a lack of maturity and emotional development.”
“And many people are allergic to or afraid of dogs. Your desire to have your dog with you 24/7 doesn’t outweigh their comfort. NTA. Your MIL is.” ~ ReversedFrog
“It’s not even good for the dogs either. It’s too much stimulation, too much activity, and it’s unsafe for many reasons. People who love their dogs leave them at home because it’s best for them.” ~ Viola-Swamp
Safety first, and it sounds like this isn’t a safe situation for the baby, the cats, or the dog.
If the mother-in-law can’t see that, banning her dog is these parents’ only option.