Quality childcare is something many parents struggle to find. Once they find someone they trust, most will follow any rules their daycare provider has to keep their spot.
But sometimes the provider is a family member and the client decides rules don’t apply to them.
A daycare provider dealing with a rule breaking relative turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Beneficial-Pea-13 asked:
“AITA for not taking my niece at daycare because my sister-in-law (SIL) didn’t follow the policy?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (31, female) am a home daycare provider. My SIL ‘Jenny’ (29, female) recently enrolled my infant niece ‘Pearl’ in my daycare. I love having Pearl here and being a part of her development.”
“I have a policy with diapers—I notify the parents when there’s 20 or less diapers in their kid’s supply. I communicate this verbally at pickup, and through email/text reminders.”
“If they get down to 5 left at the start of a day, and the parent still hasn’t brought any, their little one isn’t allowed to come until they’ve brought some.”
“Jenny was told multiple times recently that Pearl’s supply was getting low, and her response was always ‘Oops, I’ll bring more tomorrow’ but then she wouldn’t do it. On Monday night, I sent her a text reminding her to bring diapers, and that I wouldn’t be able to have Pearl here if she didn’t have them.”
“Naturally, Jenny shows up on Tuesday morning empty handed. Again with the ‘I forgot’.”
“I reminded her of the policy, no diapers no daycare. She got all mad about how Pearl is my niece and I can’t ‘just turn her away’, can’t I break the rules just this once, and that I have no idea how busy her life is and that moms forget things sometimes.”
“I told Jenny that she needs to follow the same rules as everyone else, and she said that I should ‘find room in my heart for exceptions’.”
“AITA for not taking my niece at daycare because my SIL didn’t follow the policy?”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I could be the a**hole because she is kind of right the whole Mom brain thing and that it’s easy to make mistakes/forget things sometimes when you’ve got a baby to look after.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Bend on this rule, next will be about payment.” ~ throwaway2117000
“And then she’ll expect to be able to drop her off when she’s sick, or stay late without consequences.”
“Holding family to rules is worse than strangers.” ~ ImLittleNana
“The policy is the policy for a reason. Giving special treatment to family is the fastest way to undermine your entire business.” ~ FunQuantity6074
“Yeah, this is 100% a ‘give an inch, take a mile’ scenario here. SIL is testing the waters to see what she can get away with.”
“Good on OP to nip this nonsense in the bud right away.” ~ HoldFastO2
“Jenny will absolutely try to get away with anything and everything that she can, family and all that. NTA.”
“Where does Jenny think OP is going to get the diapers to change Pearl for the day? Does Jenny think that because OP is running a daycare that she keeps an endless supply of diapers of all sizes in her home somewhere?”
“Borrow from another child’s supply? There is a policy for a reason.” ~ PartyCustard3125
“This isn’t about whether OP should have compassion for their SIL or working moms. This isn’t about whether OP should be flexible and forgiving.”
“This is about how if you do not have diapers for a child, you cannot uphold the standard of care that (1) you’re probably legally required to hold and (2) will maintain your business’ reputation with your other families.”
“In other words, if it gets out that you have kids sitting in dirty diapers because you can’t change them, you can get in trouble with regulators or lose customers. Not to mention the experience of the child themselves who may get a rash or spread the mess from their diaper.”
“So, yes, NTA, but not even because of the impact of lenience. If the same policy was for something less crucial, but still against policy, it might be another story.”
“But diapers are right up there with food and drinks as the most crucial requirements for a baseline of care. If you’re sending your kid to daycare without sufficient supplies for them to be properly cared for, you’re a bad mother.” ~ CreativeGPX
“Not to mention the other parents would probably be upset knowing that the rule is apparently arbitrary.” ~ Omnomfish
“When Pearl runs out of diapers, then what? Steal from your other customers to accommodate SIL’s laziness?” ~ nellyfullauto
“NTA for sure. Good on you for holding true to the rules/boundaries that you set for all parents at your daycare. She’s gotta learn that she can’t use you simply because you’re family.”
“Continue to politely remind her that these are the rules, they apply to everyone, and you’re not going to break them for any reason.” ~ billbar
“NTA. She just wants a free source of diapers along with her daycare. She didn’t ‘forget’, I’m sure she never allows herself to run out of them at home.”
“Good for you for not bending the rules for an entitled relative.” ~ Dame_Niafer
“If she’s prone to being ‘busy’ and ‘forgetting’ frequently, it’s on her to accomodate herself in rigid situations like this. She should buy the diapers in bulk so she doesn’t have to restock as frequently.”
“Maybe she could ask for a non-rule breaking/normal sister-in-law favor and see if she can order some diapers online and set the delivery to OP’s house if she finds herself forgetting/unable to drop them off. Depending on the website, she could even do a subscription so they are delivered automatically on a schedule.” ~ GahhhItsMilk
“I have ADHD. When I need to bring diapers with me to my daughter’s sitter, I either put the package at my front door where I have to physically move it to leave, or I stick it in the car behind the seat where I put my daughter’s bag every day. So I will see it and grab it with the bag when we get there.”
“Ordering online is also such an easy solution. There are many options, so between that and the several reminders, there’s no excuse.” ~ LoveisaNewfie
“I’d set an alarm for 15 minutes before I leave that said ‘don’t forget diapers’. And another one for after work that said ‘buy diapers today’.”
“It’s my job to manage my mind and as someone who’s been dealing with this mind for over 40 years – it’s so easy now with cell phones and being able to set alerts on something I almost always have on me.” ~ username__0000
“I also have ADHD. I set reminders on my phone, put stuff by the door, put notes by the door, next to my keys. ADHD—or being a busy parent—isn’t an excuse. It just means that you have to work a bit harder to make sure you don’t forget things that are important.”
“Also, forgetting once may be a genuine mistake, but it sounds like OP’s SIL had multiple days and multiple warnings about this, and still didn’t follow through. That’s intentional, not an accident.” ~ No-Stress-7034
“As a parent of a toddler, yes we forget sh*t all the time.”
“But when you get a reminder about something needed for daycare, you go and you take the diapers and you put them at the front door.”
“Or you put them in the car. Or you set a reminder. This isn’t rocket science.” ~ lozo78
“People like this like to push back on rules to get special treatment. So, I think she might have tried to push with another daycare, but she wouldn’t have pushed back so hard after being refused.”
“I can also imagine SIL will be talking smack about OP to all the family very shortly.” ~
“How do you have a baby and not remember that you need diapers every flipping day?” ~ Autumn_Falls0131
“She’s hoping they will provide them free of charge each time she ‘forgets.’ Then, after some time, she will expect they will provide them free all the time. I can see it coming a mile away.” ~ InstanceQuirky
“I’m five years into kids in daycare and when I’ve forgotten diapers…I drove home, got them, and came back. Inconvenient, yes, but lesson learned. OP’s SIL needs to also learn.” ~ Pm_me_some_dessert
“NTA. This is why you don’t mix business and family/friends. They will try to get preferential treatment. You did the right thing for your business by standing your ground.” ~ arlondiluthel
“She wanted to see what she could get away with. First this, then other things like not paying you tuition because ‘you can’t charge family money.’” ~ Gatodeluna
“NTA. If you make exceptions for Jenny, then what’s the point of having rules? Imagine if your other clients knew you weren’t enforcing the rules because shes family. She knew the rules, and you reminded here many times.” ~ EwwDavvidd
“NTA. So she would prefer her kid to get diaper rash/yeast/bacterial infection, or UTI and be miserable because she’s careless about bringing a package of diapers to daycare? Does she expect you to supply them because you’re family, or would she do this at every daycare?”
“I’d remind her that you are a licensed business and that you are not putting your business or an innocent child at risk because of parental negligence. You did the right thing.”
“I would definitely reconsider accepting Pearl in your daycare though. It sounds like her mother is untrustworthy and irresponsible. This is potentially a huge risk for you.”
“Not only arguing about policies but for her to pay you regularly since ‘Pearl is your niece’. She will expect you to go above and beyond because you’re family and she’ll expect it for free.” ~ Bluntandfiesty
As one person pointed out, this is a health and safety issue as well as a business rule.
If Jenny can’t be a responsible adult, maybe Pearl isn’t the only one in need of daycare.