People who feel the need to always be the center of attention can be rather exhausting.
On certain occasions, it’s fair to say that people have earned being the center of attention.
Things like birthdays, weddings, going away parties, or baby showers.
So, when someone sweeps in and steals the attention away, intentionally or not, it’s not wholly unreasonable for the one whose special day it was supposed to be to feel a bit annoyed.
Redditor Angeldust734 was expecting her first child and was looking forward to her baby shower.
However, the original poster (OP) was less excited about the news of an unexpected guest joining her at the shower.
An unexpected guest whom the OP’s mother also wanted to celebrate during the baby shower, which the OP was vehemently against.
After being scolded by her family for her open displeasure, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mom not to sing hbd to my aunt at my baby shower.”
The OP explained why she was less than thrilled about a last-minute change to the guest list of her upcoming baby shower:
“My baby shower is today, and I was just told last night my aunt will be visiting for a few days from a different state, and today is her birthday.”
“Previous to last night, I was unaware of her birthday or her even coming, but then I was told my mother bought her a cake and planned on having everyone sing happy birthday at my shower.”
“My issue is that there will be multiple strangers who have no clue who she is that will be forced to awkwardly sing to her, and they couldn’t wait for another day.”
“She is going to be here for a few days, so I’m confused as to why they couldn’t simply take her to dinner after the event or on a different day.”
“When I expressed my concern my family implied I’m being selfish and then proceeded to say I have no choice as I didn’t pay for the shower.”
“This is my first child, and my family has made it clear that this will be my one and only baby shower.”
“She just happens to be here, and It would be a different situation if I were closer to this aunt, but as previously mentioned, I’m distant enough to have not even known it was her birthday.”
“Also, when this tia was originally told about my pregnancy, she was insanely negative and criticizing…”
“So AITA for asking that this one event (not even the entire day just the event) to be about me only?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was fairly evenly divided as to whether or not they believed the OP was the a**hole for requesting not to celebrate her aunt’s birthday at her baby shower.
Some felt the OP had every right to ask to celebrate her aunt’s birthday at a different time and that it wasn’t fair that this was thrown at her the night before her baby shower:
“NTA.”
“I don’t care who is paying. This is YOUR baby shower; it’s a very special event to you and one that cannot be replicated.”
“Your aunt will be there for multiple days for your family to celebrate her birthday, and she has a birthday every year, so it’s not cool of your mom to want to celebrate your aunt’s birthday and take focus away during your special event.”
“And honestly, If I were the aunt here, I’d be uncomfortable with it.”- Stranger0nReddit
“NTA.”
“Your baby shower is about you and your baby, not your aunt’s birthday.”
“It’s unfair for your family to hijack your event, especially when she’ll be around for other celebrations.”
“You’re not selfish for wanting this one event to stay focused on you.”- BarbieBellaDoll
“Is your baby shower 24 hours?”
“Why can’t they do the HBD after the guests leave?”
“To me it’s classless to do it during the shower.”
“NTA.”- Hawaiianstylin808
“NTA.”
“They can take her out after, your shower is about you.”
“If that’s how they’re going to be, ‘you didn’t pay for it, so you don’t get to decide,’ then just don’t go.”
“Let them turn it into an awkward bday party.”
“Tell the people coming that don’t know your aunt ‘party is being changed it is now at (place)’ and just don’t tell your stupid family.”- AccomplishedFace4534
“NTA.”
“But just so you know, most people only have one baby shower.”- RowEnvironmental6114
“If my Aunt was showing up to my shower, and mom wanted to buy a cake for her bday, I’d be fine.”
“However, it doesn’t sound as if she was invited by you to the shower because, as you clarified, she was quite negative about the birth of your baby.”
“So I would say, you were NOT in the wrong, or NTA, for taking umbrage in, not only Auntie’s appearance but something that celebrates the woman who wanted you to abort your baby….at your baby shower!”
“Another thing: I have never heard of anyone ever paying for their own shower: bridal or baby; it’s usually given for them by a close friend or family member and funded by them, not the person who is getting married or having a baby so for your mom to tell you, in essence, what you want does not matter because you are not PAYING for it is quite belittling.”
“She dismissed your feelings as if they were irrelevant, and even if you two don’t agree, your feelings are yours and are valid.”
“You are not visiting them upon an event for her, but for you, and even if it’s too late to cancel the Auntie’s visit, your Mother could have respected your feelings and had the little family birthday celebration after the shower was over.”
“I do hope you have a lovely day and ignore any negativity on this special day for you and your baby.”
“I wish you the best of luck!”- These_Cup3234
Others felt that the OP was, indeed, being selfish, and it wouldn’t have been the end of the world to acknowledge her aunt’s birthday at her shower:
“YTA.”
“I’m flummoxed by the people who seem to have an extreme need to make these celebrations ‘their day’.”
“As if your guests can’t look away from you for a second. It just feels so petty and childish to me.”- WAHeart
“I don’t know, maybe it’s me, but I never understand all of these ‘it has to be all about me!’ posts.”
“Taking 2 minutes to sing happy birthday to someone at a baby shower is really not a big deal.”
“You’re still going to be pregnant, you and baby will still be the star of the show.”
“People are not going to go ‘Oh, crap- I thought it was a baby shower, but it’s a birthday party for that lady!'”
“Sure, they could do it after the party, but what’s the big deal?”
“Have you never joined in a Happy Birthday song for a stranger at a restaurant or a public event?”
“You probably have.”
“If you can’t remember doing it, that’s likely because that’s how much of an impact it had on your life.”
“YTA.”- Head_Kangaroo
“Jesus Christ, it’s a baby shower… it’s not a freaking wedding.”
“Just share the day, you talk like a birthday song is going to take up that much time.”
“You’re about to be a parent; grow up.”
“There’s more important things to gripe about than something this small.”
“YTA.”- PresentationUnited43
“YTA.”
“The song takes 30 seconds, and people who don’t want to sing don’t have to.”
“Baby showers are already awkward for guest,s and I don’t think this will be the tipping point.”
“I once attended a wedding on my birthday, and the bride’s father brought me a slice of cake and sang Happy Birthday to me.”
“It did not make the wedding about me, but it was nice to be thought of as I was, indeed, spending my birthday celebrating someone else.”
“It’s okay to make space and share joy with others.”- tritoeat
While a few felt that the OP was justified in not wanting her guests to sing “Happy Birthday” to her aunt, they also felt that it wouldn’t be the biggest deal if they did:
“NAH.”
“I don’t think it’s that big a deal to sing to your aunt, personally.”
“You’re all there, and Happy Birthday only takes about a minute to sing, and then it’s done. I don’t think it’s that ‘awkward” to sing to a stranger; I’ve done so at restaurants many times.'”
“But, it is your shower, and your wishes should be respected.” – stroppo
It’s not entirely fair for the OP’s mother to spring upon her that her aunt would be coming to her shower and that they should celebrate her birthday during the shower.
Even so, all of the OP’s guests were coming with the understanding that they were coming to her baby shower.
So sparing a few seconds to sing happy birthday to her aunt on her actual birthday wouldn’t be the end of the world.
As long as the baby shower remained the OP’s baby shower and didn’t become her aunt’s birthday party.