The most frustrating thing about health issues is the complete lack of control we have over them.
More often than not, we often find ourselves embarrassingly indisposed at the most inopportune of times.
Sometimes, we can at least level or hide these conundrums so that no one will notice.
In extreme cases, however, we might find the chances of being humiliated by a lack of bodily function far more than likely.
Redditor DiscussionMental7742 recently found herself in a somewhat sticky situation while visiting her boyfriend's family.
Thankfully, the original poster (OP) had just what she needed to remedy the situation.
Unfortunately, the OP's boyfriend was less than speedy in delivering this solution to her.
After her boyfriend accused her of mismanagement, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for expecting my bf to grab a bag for me."
The OP explained how her boyfriend did anything but come to her rescue on a recent visit:
"I (20 F[emale]) was at my bf's house (20 M[ale]) yesterday."
"I'm on my period and keep a few tampons in my purse, but had a ton in the bag I brought over, along with my change of clothes."
"When I went over I went to talk to his mom in the kitchen, and we talked for a few minutes and I left my bag there."
"I went to his room and he was playing games at his desk and I was on his bed."
"I started bleeding and went to the bathroom and realized I bled trough my underwear and a little trough my pants."
"I checked my purse and saw I had no tampons as I forgot to refill it since I had filled the duffel bag, I realized I couldn't just go to the kitchen as I now didn't have pants and I couldn't even leave the bathroom because someone might be there."
"I called my bf and he told me to let him finish his game."
"I asked him how long that would take."
"He said that it would be like 20ish minutes till he could help me since him and his friends just got into a new game."
"I asked if he expected for me to just wait cramping, in the bathroom him and his sister SHARE, for 20 minutes."
"He told me that me not having tampons in my purse wasn't his problem and that he wasn't going to sell his game for me."
"I said that he was being really mean."
"When he finally came I told him I was upset that he made me wait and he told me that he didn't know what I expected him to do and that I needed to manage myself better."
"I said even if I did, I still would have bled trough, which is why I couldn't leave."
"He told me that I could have figured it out."
"I told him that I literally couldn't and he just said whatever and I went home a little after that and I'm starting to think that I could have planned a little better for it."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was in no way the a**hole for expecting her boyfriend to bring her a tampon.
Pretty much everyone agreed that not only was the fact that her boyfriend prioritized gaming over her health and safety shocking, but was also grounds to end the relationship immediately:
"I think you made a typo."
"This is your ex boyfriend, right?"
"NTA."- littlebitfunny21
"'He told me that me not having tampons in my purse wasn't his problem and that he wasn't going to sell his game for me'."
"'EWWW - honey, dump this AH already."
"Find someone who genuinely cares about you."
"His game can wait."
"'He told me that he didn't know what I expected him to do and that I needed to manage myself better'."
"FFS. Is the bar in hell?"
"NTA - but if you keep dating this guy, YTA to yourself."- Discount_Mithral
"NTA."
"Yes, you could have planned better, but we've all been there."
"Making a mistake (thinking you had tampons in your purse) is not the same as being a cruel, insensitive, evil, obnoxious human being."
"Your BF is a complete and total AH. He could give lessons in being a champion AH!"
"Does he always bully you into thinking that you are somehow to blame when he treats you like sh*t?"- kjaiwiz
"The fact he's playing video games when you are over says enough."
"I say this as a gamer myself."
"Who has a gaming bf."
"We don't live together."
"We game together, yes."
"Sometimes (with emphasis on the sometimes) when we both have new games we are excited about, we game together on our own consoles."
"I own a handheld emulator and a switch 2 I can bring along."
"But you know, we are still together then, he's not prioritizing his game."
"We both idle equally often because we look at each other's games."
"What I wanted to say: your bf sucks."
"I can't imagine getting this treatment from my bf after making the effort to go to his place, gaming online and not even wanting to something that would take up 1-2min max."
"NTA."
"He's immature."- Aggravating-Nose1674
"NTA."
"But he is."
"He couldn't even take 5 seconds to run to the kitchen or ask his mom who was in the kitchen to bring you your duffel and leave it outside the door if you were too embarrassed to see her."
"She's a woman with a daughter and has been there done that with her period."
"She would have understood and probably chewed him out for prioritizing a game over his gf after helping you if she'd known."- crab_ragoon
"If you not having a tampon handy is your problem, you never going over to his place again sounds like his problem."
"That's not a partner, that is someone who expects a lot and gives very little unless it happens to be convenient."
"NTA."- Grrrrr_Arrrrrgh
"NTA."
"You deserve better."
"He's self absorbed and it looks like he rates his gaming and friends over you."
"I'd be outa there."- Jellyfish_Jambalaya
"You deserve better than this, girl! I would have broken up with him on the spot."
"You are NTA, but he really is."- Working_Cloud_909
"Girl, you can buy a rechargeable boyfriend that would treat you better."
"NTA, but you will be to yourself if tou stay with someone like that."- HoshiOdessa
"I would have phoned his mom from the bathroom and told her what had happened and that he wouldn't get the bag so would she please bring it?"
"Let his mom give him sh*t and then dump his a**."
"NTA of course."- blood_bones_hearts
"NTA."
"The only way to plan better for this situation is to watch those red flags from your hopefully soon to be ex."
"He's the only A-hole here."- Lokis_Persephone
"NTA."
"My husband is a gamer."
"He loves his games."
"They are important to him."
"I try not to bother him."
"I try not to even talk to him."
"He's a good person, he works hard, I let him enjoy his hobby."
"Even after over 20 years of marriage if I tell him I need him to do something, he stops playing his fucking game."
"He did that when we were young, too."
"Because ANYTHING ELSE IS JUST WRONG."
"Your partner is supposed to be the person you can count on for random sh*t like that. I'm not saying you gotta break up with him or anything, but I'm suggesting making him a temporary distraction before moving on to something better."
"He's not the person you want to build a future with."
"Also - you should have told his mother what he did as you were leaving!"- Brave-Cheesecake9431
"NTA."
"I would have called his mom from the bathroom next."- BachThatThingUp29
"NTA."
"While you can't just pause an online game and come back later; in this instance, he could have just told his friends 'brb' and quickly grabbed it for you."
"It sounds like it would've taken 2 seconds to get it and be back on the game."
"It sounds like he either cares about the game too much or doesn't care about you much."
"I'd probably dump him, this pattern of behavior will continue and get worse if you let it."- big_thunker
"A real man will understand that a period is a normal, uncontrollable bodily function, and you can't help it."
"Dump this guy he's not worth your time."
"And in case it's not obvious."
"NTA."- runonia
That the OP's boyfriend would prioritize ANYTHING over gaming is a red flag to begin with.
That he would prioritize gaming over helping his girlfriend in an extremely vulnerable position borders on unforgivable.
It wouldn't be at all surprising to learn that the OP and her boyfriend are no longer together.
What is surprising is that the OP didn't break up with him that night...
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp