Some people say that a little jealousy is healthy in relationships.
Mainly because people with jealous partners are flattered by the fact that their partner seems to be worried their affections are straying elsewhere, or touched by the fact that they don’t like being away from them, as they want to spend more time together.
Envy is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason, however, as it can lead to problematic, sometimes irrational behavior.
Something Redditor nohorsethrow quickly found out as she began her relationship with her boyfriend.
The original poster (OP)’s boyfriend became increasingly frustrated that she was spending time away from him.
So frustrated, in fact, that he even gave the OP a rather shocking ultimatum.
Having doubts about her decisions and her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to sell my horse?”
The OP shared how her boyfriend was so jealous of her dedicating her time with another special someone of hers, that he felt there was only one thing for her to do.
“Me( 24 F[emale]) and my boyfriend (26) have been dating for around 9 months.”
“I’ve been riding horses since around four years old when I started taking lessons.”
“When I was ten I started helping out this girl at the stable with her horse Lady.”
“At 12 she told her she had to sell due to time/interest and asked if me and my parents wanted to buy Lady.”
“Luckily for me, my parents were able to buy her and she’s been mine ever since.”
“She’s my best friend and I love her a lot.”
“When I started to date my bf I was very honest with the fact that my horse takes a lot of time and he was fine with this.”
‘When single I could spend like three to four hours a day in the stable but as we started dating I cut this down.”
“To about three hours every other day as this is roughly how long it takes for me to do all the cleaning/preparing food/riding.”
“Also most of my friends are at the stable which obviously means this is also social for me.’
‘The other days I would not ride and try to spend less time talking which would make it about an hour.”
“After about six months he told me I spent too much time at the stable and I should prioritize my relationship more and somehow his family got involved and saying it was strange to prioritize the way I did.”
“I wasn’t comfortable with this but I am a bit of a pushover so I agreed.”
“At first this meant cutting down time at the stable but it has evolved into cutting down riding days.”
“Now I ride about two days a week and the rest I’m simply there to do the basics.”
“All of this as quickly as I can because otherwise I know he’ll be annoyed and pissed of for days and give me the silent treatment.”
“I know my horse isn’t really suffering from not being ridden as often as before but I still feel very guilty that I’m always rushing around her.”
“Then last night he told me it was time to sell Lady.”
“I laughed at him and asked if he was serious.”
“I told him no and he said I needed to start prioritizing this relationship more and I said I’ve done nothing but prioritize this relationship.”
“We argued about it and he apparently thinks I can just put her down as she’s old anyways.”
“I was furious at this and told him that was absolutely not happening and I would never sell her.”
“He said that any reasonable person would sell or put down their horse in favor of their boyfriend and the only reason I wouldn’t is because I only hang out with other insane horse people.”
“So I come to you, reasonable people of Reddit, AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously. agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for refusing to sell, let alone put down, her horse.
Pretty much everyone agreed that if there was anyone the OP needed to get out of her life, it was her boyfriend.
“From one horse owner to another, dump the bf, keep the horse.”
“Why don’t you put down the boyfriend instead?”
“He sounds like sh*t anyway.”- Etranger
“Sounds like BF doesn’t get that you are allowed to have a life beyond him and his family is enabling that controlling behavior.”- TheLadyOfMisfortune
“Please show this thread to him! I’ve never owned a horse, have never interacted with one much besides petting them, but I know they are very large animals who need a lot of routine care and love.”
“I would never put an animal down unless it’s medically necessary, not because of age!”
“I help with animal rescue.”
“If I dated someone and they told me to quit spending time with rescues, I’d tell them to get bent.”-Warrppaint
“NTA, and tbh this sounds like a bad situation in the making.”
“First it’s spend less time with the horse, then sell the horse or put her down, then when you move in together it’s quit your job and take care of the house, next thing you’re spending less and less time with your family and friends and you have no one left but them.”
“I would definitely dump the bf.”- LexiDiamond93
“Holy crap he is an AH.”
“He wants you to kill your best friend to show your love for him.”
“What happens if you marry this guy and have a kid.”
“Will he be jealous of the baby and demand a post-birth abortion?”
“Has serious jealousy and control issues.”
“NTA x 1,000.”
“Give Lady a kiss from me please.”- JuiceEdawg
“As a horse woman who had a best friend/partner horse from when I was 12 until he passed when I was 29, throw the whole man out.”
“Your care of and relationship with Lady has been and should continue to be a top priority in your life.”
“My husband is not a horse guy, but he still gets it.”
“He has never asked me to pick between him or my horse in the 11 years that we have been together.”
“Your bf will never get it and is effectively asking you to change who you are as a person.”-pbpantsless
“The Red Flags are flying high here.”
“If he gets this, the control freak demands will not stop.”- AccousticMotorboat
“Lady was here before the boyfriend and, hopefully, she’ll still be here when he’s an ex.”
“Anyone who tries to get you to sell or kill your four-legged family members just to prove they are your ‘priority’ needs to be dropped.”
“Dump the boyfriend, not the horse!”
“If you give in to him and get rid of the horse, which will then make you the AH, then ask yourself how long will it be until you start ‘spending too much time’ with your friends and family and not ‘prioritising’ the relationship with him.”
“This is just the beginning and it will only get worse.”
“As it stands, you’re young, you have no ties to this boy, you will move on quicker than you think and you will eventually find someone who will support your hobbies and interests and encourages you to pursue them and who will actually understand that a horse is a living being that requires a lot of love and attention.”
“Get rid of the boyfriend before you ruin your life as well as the horses life.”- lilabear90
“You are NTA and do not continue a relationship with someone who asks you to give up a harmless hobby that you’ve loved since before you knew them.”
“Your partner needs to accept that you have interests besides them, and asking you to sell or kill an animal that you love is not a good look on anyone.”- Striking_Description
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone for their input and giving her plenty to think about.
“I never expected this to get as much attention as it did.”
“I’m very overwhelmed and thankful for all your kind comments and messages.”
“I am currently sitting with Lady in her stable crying my eyes out because this has been such a wake-up call for me.”
“My boyfriend left to visit his family and friends in his old town earlier today before I posted so for everyone worried: all is well for now and I will handle this asap.”
“First I need to go home and sleep.”
“Thank you all for being wonderful.”
One hopes that after a good night’s sleep, the OP will wake up and realize that somewhere out there is a man who will only love her more because of her devotion to Lady.
Not be irrationally jealous, like the OP’s, hopefully, former boyfriend.