Even when we are adults, sometimes there are things that we don’t want to do that we have to do anyway.
Especially if it will make someone we love happy or help them with their career, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
But Redditor shielelcoetre was insistent that he did not have to attend the wedding his girlfriend wanted to go to, even if it could potentially be a huge boost for the future of her career.
When she said he was being selfish for refusing to go, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was somehow being too stubborn.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting to attend my girlfriend’s boss’s wedding?”
The OP and his girlfriend had to make arrangements to see each other regularly.
“My girlfriend (23 Female) and me (24 Male) have been together for over 2 years.”
“I’m finishing my last year of my degree, and she has already started as a physiotherapist at the start of last month.”
“She joined a group of practitioners in another village, which is 2 hours away from where I study, so obviously, we don’t see each other as much as we used to.”
“Therefore, I have promised to keep as many weekends free for her as possible, giving up time with my own family and friends. I don’t mind this, because I love her and enjoy spending time with her.”
But the OP didn’t particularly like one of his girlfriend’s recent event plans.
“Recently, her new boss announced they were getting married and invited my girlfriend to the wedding. They said that i could come, too.”
“Since the wedding falls on a Saturday, my girlfriend thought I would be coming so she RSVP’d with a yes.”
“I am kind of annoyed, because I really don’t feel like going to a wedding where I literally don’t know a soul and she would know 3 people tops.”
“When I told her (this was, like, 3 weeks ago), she got mad and said I already was breaking my promise to her.”
The OP felt conflicted.
“I feel like I did not break any promise, because I still kept that weekend free for her like I told her I would.”
“She is not obligated to attend the wedding and certainly can’t force me to go.”
“I told her she can go if she wants to but that she will be going without me. If she wants to spend time together that weekend, she will not go.”
“She still called me an a**hole over this.”
“She is also still mad at me and brings this up anytime she can, which drives me nuts.”
“My mom also told me I’m in the wrong, but my friends think I should stand my ground.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said this was something the OP needed to do in order to support his girlfriend.
“I am a little more understanding of OP’s dilemma, but if he goes, he absolutely MUST put on put on his A game. He doesn’t have to be George Clooney here but has to be pleasant and not mope.”
“Besides, every relationship is give-and-take. If they last, there will absolutely be occasions where he really wants her to go with him, and having put his time in, she’s going to need to give strong consideration to doing something she really doesn’t want to because he did the same for her.”
“One of the rules of every enduring relationship; mutual suffering.” – L8wrtr
“Regarding professional obligations, often an engaging SO (significant other) can enhance our professional lives by others seeing that we have chosen well.”
“The opposite is true also. When you go, show up with a positive attitude, and don’t look like you don’t want to be there!” – No_Acanthisitta3596
“Normal people meet people at weddings. People that will come up in future conversations because they work with his girlfriend. Or OP might actually meet someone that they can shoot the s**t with for an hour while they talk about how they both don’t want to be there.”
“Or maybe it’ll just be 4 hours of complete boredom for OP, but that’s the kind of sacrifices you’re expected to make in a relationship, because one day it’ll be your boss hosting something, and you’ll want to drag along your girlfriend who ‘only knows like 3 people.'”
“YTA. OP, grow up.” – thedoodely
“Since ‘she would know 3 people tops,’ it’s likely that she feels similarly, but also she is obliged (or heavily socially pressured) to go; therefore, it is most likely that she would much rather be there with a partner than there alone.”
“With someone who she knows and trusts. Someone for ‘moral support.’ Someone who ‘has her back.'”
“If I was her, I would feel let down by the person who is supposed to be supportive of her when she’s heading into this ‘exposed’ social situation, but in this case, isn’t feeling like making the effort to be supportive today.”
“And IMHO (In My Honest Opinion), yes, the wedding might be boring, but how bad can it be? You’re gonna get free food and wine, right? You’re not being asked to run a marathon. You’ll have to wear fancy clothes, sit, eat, drink, smile, nod, clap on cue, and have a plan to get home without drunk driving. Oh no, sounds terrible.”
“If OP has any point at all, it is that he should remind her that this goes both ways: his girlfriend should be willing to meet his friends/family once in a while, even though it’s not her ideal activity.” – SideburnsOfDoom
“‘If you’re going to be my boyfriend, you have to do boyfriend things,’ said by Pam from ‘The Office.’ That is literally all this is.”
“My partner’s brother is getting married soon, and I will literally know 3 people there, 2 of which are the ones getting married.”
“Do I wanna go? No. But my boyfriend is in it, and it’s important to him that I’m also there. It’s that simple.”
“Go have a few drinks, and hang out with your girlfriend. H**l, maybe meet some of her coworkers. She may be just as tired as OP and want to go within 3 hours.”
“It’s one day, he’ll still get to spend time with his girlfriend.” – mongoosedog12
Others shrugged it off and thought the couple could still consider it as a date.
“Why is he dismissing this as a way to spend time with his girlfriend? I have had so much fun at weddings with my SO (significant other) throughout our relationship. It’s a whole night of spending time together and eating food/drinking booze that someone else paid for. Win-win.”
“Why wouldn’t OP be looking at this as 1.) a fun night out where they can get dressed up and spend time together, 2.) a way to get to know better the people his girlfriend spends every day with, and 3.) something easy to do to support his girlfriend, even if the rest of this isn’t appealing to him?” – gaelicpasta3
“I find weddings really romantic. Like, my partner and I dress up and celebrate our friends’ love and in turn our love as we dance together and enjoy the reception. I always find there’s such a positive vibe and I feel really close to him.”
“So yeah, OP should just try and frame this positively as an occasion where he gets to dress up and have a great time with his girlfriend, dancing and eating delicious food! Who cares if they don’t know anyone else?” – saph_pearl
“God forbid either of them want to ever go to an event outside of their usual day-to-day schedule ever again!”
“Weddings are usually pretty fun and it’s something you’re going to together. The fact that she also doesn’t know a lot of people there actually makes it better in my opinion. They’ll probably spend a lot of time together.”
“Weddings are typically an event that people bring a date to. If OP really doesn’t want to go, then don’t go. But he’s missing out and shouldn’t be surprised if she eventually ends up finding someone that actually likes doing things with her and doesn’t have to do things alone. To each their own.” – franklsp
“YTA. You’d know her at the wedding and would get to have a nice dinner and dance with your girlfriend.”
“It’s essentially a free date night and would help her get ‘in’ at her work.”
“Be a better partner.” – Reby-
“ESH. She should have asked you before RSVPing, as that is just courtesy.”
“You are missing the point of going, though. She wants you to come as her date because she loves you and this is important for her career.”
“It’s not about you attending a random wedding. It’s about you going with her to an event, both because you care about her and because it’s a good idea for her to go so her new boss has a good feeling about her.”
“You have, of course, the right to say no, but she also will feel hurt if you don’t go and support her. She probably doesn’t want to go, either, and was hoping being with you would make it better.” – Dependent-Aside-9750
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update.
“Thank you all for the replies. I realize that I am, in fact, the a**hole.”
“People telling me to suck it up doesn’t really sit right with me, but you have made me realize that I am blowing this way out of proportion and should just go with her and make the best of it.”
“Thanks to all the people who gave good, nuanced advice. I’ll take it to heart.”
Though the subReddit could understand that this wedding might not be the OP’s favorite event of the year, they knew that it was important to his girlfriend for her career and networking purposes, as well as a chance for the couple to have a unique date after not having as much time together anymore.
While it might not be the event he had in mind, it seemed the OP could still turn this moment around and make the best of it, not just for his girlfriend, but for them as a couple.