Whether we can agree about the importance of this or not, we’ve all heard the rule not to steal focus from a wedding celebration… or more specifically the bride.
Wearing white or sharing other big news should be off-limits that day, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
While traveling abroad, Redditor No-Team315 married his best friend but did not immediately share the news with his family. Four months passed, and he then sent an email about the news.
But because this was just two weeks before his sister’s wedding, the Original Poster (OP) was accused of trying to ‘hijack’ her wedding occasion.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for wearing my wedding ring to my sister’s wedding against her wishes and ‘hijacking’ her wedding?”
The OP didn’t see his family all that often.
“My sister (29 Female) got married last Saturday. The ceremony was beautiful, and I enjoyed myself as much as someone who is famously not a wedding guy could. The dramatics were not quite as enjoyable.”
“I (27 Male) hadn’t seen my family in a few months, and we’ve only had a handful of phone calls over the course of those months. It’s never on purpose that I pull one of these disappearing acts. It’s mostly out of habit.”
“I’ve been fiercely independent for most of my life, and I get easily caught up in whatever I’m doing at the time, which makes it hard for me to remember to keep those not in my direct line of sight in the loop.”
“My mother is the same way. (It’s also nice visiting around times when big events like this are going on as my mom is prone to hovering whenever I’m home, and this takes some of the spotlight off me.)”
Not keeping his family in the loop included not informing them about a major life event.
“I had been in Ireland around eight months prior to flying in last Thursday.”
“I was originally there to spend two weeks with my best friend who, thanks to the aforementioned one-track mindedness I possess, I had unfortunately grown apart from within recent years.”
“Ours was a friendship that had started when we were 14 and was one of the most important relationships in my life for over a decade, and I wanted to put more effort into it so I didn’t lose it.”
“He was spending time overseas as to reconnect with his heritage since his father’s passing, I was already traveling, and my stay obviously turned out to be a lot longer than two weeks.”
“It also turned into us getting married. Funny how life works out.”
The OP just recently got around to sharing the news with his family.
“I’ve been married for four months. About two weeks before our trip to the States for my sister’s wedding, I sent out a mass email to close family letting them know that I and my husband were married.”
“I wanted to assuage any possibility of us ‘stealing any thunder’ right from the get-go.”
“My mom replied that she was hurt that she wasn’t told sooner or allowed to be there, which I understood.”
The OP’s plan to not steal the thunder did not work out.
“It seemed her mood flipped by the time we met in person, however. The rehearsal dinner was on Friday, and that was when we all met up for the first time.”
“My mom was overjoyed to see me and my partner and spent a large part of the night telling stories about she had always predicted there was something different about my friendship with him compared to others I was close with in high school.”
“It was a very sweet moment.”
The OP’s sister asked him for a favor at her wedding.
“But at the end of the night, my sister pulled me aside and asked if we would not wear our wedding rings to her ceremony.”
“I was confused, so I asked why.”
“She said I was taking the attention off her, and she was already bitter that I ‘hijacked’ her rehearsal dinner. She was worried more family might take notice if I wore my ring tomorrow and cause a similar incident.”
“Like I mentioned before, the ceremony was beautiful, but she didn’t speak to me for the rest of the weekend, and we ended up leaving the reception early.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some weren’t offended by the rings but by how long ago the OP waited to send the email.
“So you waited three and a half months to tell even your parents that you are married?”
“YTA. The ring is not the issue.” – wtfaidhfr
“He’s definitely the a**hole. He waited until (basically) RIGHT before his sister’s wedding to announce he was married. That just feels intentional. He didn’t seem to care that people knew he was married before, so why’s he getting his panties in a bunch about people not knowing for a little bit longer?”
“And THEN when his sister’s rehearsal dinner turned into a party about him, he basically told her to go f**k herself when she asked for his help to keep the focus on her. Major a**hole. YTA.” – jcansino1
“If you have a loving, close relationship with your family, even if you aren’t in frequent contact, waiting months to tell them that you’re married is bizarre and hurtful.”
“It just seems so alien to how anyone I know would behave in real life (other than people who are very distant or have no contact with their families, which is a different situation and not how OP seems to be characterizing his relationship with his family).” – Cocotapioka
“It’s way more about the fact that OP told everyone via email four months into his marital union and saw everyone for the first time after he told them at the rehearsal dinner and would carry the newlywed energy into someone else’s wedding than about the physical rings. YTA.” – Difficult-Shake7754
“YTA. You deliberately stole the show, and you know it.” – LasVegasMooie
“How did OP really think a ‘Hey, my sister getting married in two weeks reminded me that I forgot to tell you I got married four months ago’ email was going to be received?”
“Either OP is completely clueless or has beef with his family and was waiting for the moment for his news bomb to maximize attention on him.”
“The only way this could have been worse would be if he announced it at his sister’s actual wedding.” – Hatstand82
“Two weeks is enough time to arrange a ‘meet the husband’ meal/meet-up to at least give his immediate family an opportunity to congratulate them and ask questions before all the wedding events kick off.”
“Or at the very least go and see his mum before the dinner, especially as OP fully acknowledges that his mum ‘lives for a wedding,’ so he knew full well that she’d want to know all about his, yet he still left it until the rehearsal dinner before seeing her in person.”
“Even after leaving his marriage announcement in an email two weeks before the wedding, he could have handled this in a better way than he did if he had just given other people’s thoughts and feelings more than two seconds worth of consideration.”
“OP can call themselves ‘fiercely independent’ all they like, but it’s pretty clear that the word they are actually looking for is ‘self-centered.’ YTA.” – CatsTales
Others found the bride to be attention-seeking.
“NTA. Guests talk to each other at weddings and catch up. Does your sister expect everyone only to be looking at and talking about her the whole time? Has she never been to a wedding?” – toxie37
“NTA. Who the h**l asks someone to take their wedding ring off!? Like that’s just a f**king wild amount of entitlement to me.” – Careless_League_9494
“NTA, I’m pretty sure that you would have ‘stolen her thunder’ even if you hadn’t gotten married. Being gone for eight months is enough time for people to want to reconnect, even if it is at a wedding.”
“What are people supposed to talk about at a wedding? All the weddings I’ve been to, I’ve barely gotten a chance to even talk with the bride and groom because they have so much going on.” – AurynSharay
“NTA. People are so ridiculously narcissistic at their weddings like no one else should dare have a life event in the same year they get married, lest someone not talk about them for one moment. Sister needs to get over herself. Congrats on reconnecting with the love of your life, OP!” – cloverthewonderkitty
“NTA. Will people potentially congratulate him too? Yes. But, he is obviously there to celebrate his sister’s big day.”
“He’s not setting up his own receiving line and registering for gifts. He lived abroad and got married while gone.”
“Regardless of how long ago it happened, if this is his first trip home, the results will be the same. ‘Oh, hey, you got married! Congrats!’ Unless he’s planning some big moment, he isn’t hijacking her night.” – Excellent_Neat_9432
“NTA. You’re married. You wear a ring. Not a crazy concept. It isn’t your fault that people were excited for you, either.”
“As a general comment, a wedding should be about TWO people joining their lives into one. It’s not a pageant, an extra birthday, or a special event to celebrate how wonderful someone is. It’s about the marriage, and when the marriage is the focus, all of that petty and insignificant stuff easily fades into the background.”
“Congrats on your marriage, and keep living your life.” – Future_of_Favor
“NTA. It’s a wedding. Everybody will be watching her walk down the aisle, say her vows, cut the cake, dance the first dance, etc. How much more attention does she need? People can be happy for both couples. It’s not an either/or situation.” – TXGrrl
Though the subReddit was happy for the OP’s new marriage and his sister’s, they were divided on how the OP navigated sharing his news.
Some felt that he should have announced his marriage right after it happened to inform his loved ones and to create distance between his sister’s wedding and his own.
But others felt that, with traveling abroad and not seeing the OP for a long time, the subject of his wedding would come up no matter when he had shared the news, simply because we’re prone to catching up with those we care about.