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Bride Calls Off Nuptials After Fiancé Refuses To Disinvite Dismissive Female Friend From Wedding

bride texting on phone
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When a couple gets together, that union combines not just family, but also friends. Sfo what happens if those friends aren’t supportive of the match?

Most couples have to choose between unsupportive friends and their significant other, but what if a partner wants both? Is it possible?

A bride-to-be turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback on her groom’s best friend.

Xxoraclexx33 asked:

“AITA for not allowing my fiancé’s best friend to come to our wedding?”

The original poster (OP) explained:

“My Fiancé and I have been together just under 6 years (dated 3, engaged 2.5). Great relationship relatively, our friends & family all get along well with the other person, no issues at all… EXCEPT for one of my partner’s best friends.”

“Said best friend has never liked me and seemingly had it out for me the entire time. She basically ignores my existence, refuses to speak or be cordial to me, but as soon as she sees my partner, she yelling and hugging him talking about ‘hey best friend’ while ignoring me even though I’m right next to him.”

“I told him about it & how it made me feel & at first it went unaddressed 2-3 more times because he ‘needed proof’ to make sure there was an issue. After said ‘proof’ was present he spoke to her about it & she got a little better, but only around groups of people and like twice.”

“She indicated she doesn’t have a problem with me, so he felt I am the only one having an issue and I need to just approach her and talk it out. I told him I’m not doing that cause she isn’t my friend and HE needs to do so.”

“A couple weeks ago we attended a mutual friends party. I attempted to make eye contact and say hello 2-3 times, but she avoided me and refused to look at me the whole time.”

“My fiancé noticed because it was so blatant. I don’t want her respect, don’t need her to like me, don’t honestly want her around at all, I just want her to have basic human decency.”

“This situation has caused me to rethink my relationship and ending it because I feel my fiancé is in the wrong for engaging with her after seeing how she completely disregards me. I think now but mostly after marriage we’re supposed to be a unit and I wouldn’t allow this behavior from a friend.”

“Ive been feeling like an a**hole because we spent the better half of a nice drunken evening arguing about this, and I told him she can’t come to our wedding, as I won’t have someone who can’t seem to stand me near me.”

“AITA for telling my fiancé she can’t come to our wedding?”

The OP summed up their situation.

“I told my fiancé his best friend can’t come to our wedding.”

“I may be the a**hole by overreacting and banning her from one of the most important days of his life.

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

“NTA, but I am surprised that you decided to marry someone who allows such behaviour toward you.”

“She is not distant with you, she pretends that you don’t exist. A good partner wouldn’t keep her as a friend.”

“Moreover, most people don’t need to face such dilemma once they are done with high school. Why? Usually when someone doesn’t like a friend’s significant other (SO) very much, they try to befriend the SO anyway because they are afraid to lose their friend.”

“If there is really no compatibility, they tend to avoid the SO but they don’t become openly hostile to avoid losing their friend—except if they have a real reason to dislike the SO.”

“Ask yourself 1) why does your SO accept the way his friend behaves toward you? 2) why does she think that she can increase the hostility she displays toward you over time?

“I guess she assumes there will no be consequences and/or she thinks that she is his number one…” ~ Couette-Couette

“Here’s the thing OP, he HAS basically chosen her over you almost every time. Why is he okay with hurting you, the person he is in a relationship with, to avoid conflict with his friend?”

“I’m not going to say break up, but I think you need to take a long look at his behaviour and decide if you want to spend the rest of your life being put second. Because by being non-confrontational and allowing her to continue to disrespect you, he IS choosing a side and it’s not yours.”

“It’s a hard realization to come to and I’m sorry that it’s necessary. I know you love him and want the best for him, but you deserve someone who also wants that for you, and treats you accordingly.”

“You deserve someone who will put you first, will stand up for you and not accept someone disrespecting you.”

“Whatever decision you make, I wish you the best. NTA.” ~ morvoren

“But someone you are getting ready to spend the rest of your life with should make ANYONE who is purposefully disrespectful to you a big deal to him!”

“Obviously the situation isn’t going to get any better by just choosing to ignore her behavior. NTA.”

“I’ve dealt with this in the past and it hurts and is so frustrating. So sorry you are having to deal with this situation.” ~ jenncc80

“It actually is a big deal to him, or you wouldn’t be arguing over her not being invited to the wedding. Your wedding is the start of your marriage.”

“You invite your friends and family to celebrate with and support you at the beginning of this journey. I don’t feel you should invite ANYONE that is not supportive of the relationship, let alone refuses to even acknowledge half of the couple’s existence.”

“NTA. Your fiancé’s BF is in love with him. That is why she is treating you this way. He either doesn’t see it or likes it. Either way, it is a problem.”

“Slightly off topic—I am so sorry that someone that is treating you this way and allowing you to be disrespected is the healthiest, most stable relationship you’ve had.”

“The fact that he ‘needed proof’ before validating your feelings and more over does nothing except make excuses for her when she is obviously shunning you, is too much. But he doubles down and is fighting with you to invite her to your wedding??”

“I don’t like to accuse people of things all willy nilly, but are you absolutely sure they aren’t sleeping together? Have they ever?”

“Something seems off here and definitely would not marry him as long as she remains in his life.” ~ Green_Can_2536

The OP provided an update.

“The comments on my original post opened my eyes and made me realize that despite this being the healthiest relationship I’ve been in, it doesn’t mean it’s actually healthy.”

“We’ve had a couple conversations surrounding this issue, which mostly consisted of me saying it bothered me & him saying I was the only one who cared.”

“A couple things helped me realize my breaking point:”

“- I asked him if he would be okay with our daughters future partner treating them like this, to which he got flustered, shut down, and said he didn’t want to talk about it. I left it alone.”

“- He said he didn’t want to end his friendship or do anything to jeopardize it because ‘what if we break up’. This made me realize he would not protect me as his wife, since he didn’t as his girlfriend.”

“The final straw was when I expressed how much it bothered me that he wanted me to blow this off since we—as in me & the best friend—only see each other 4-6 times a year.”

“He said—directly quoted because this is burned into my brain: ‘I know the way she treats you is garbage, but you’re allowing one person to dictate our relationship. It could be worse. She could be more active. There are worse ways to meddle, people text and lie, and all that to break relationships up’.”

“The first line broke my heart and told me all I needed to know. I have to truck through a couple more months of pre-planned & paid for social engagements, but I closed the curtain on any chance of healing this relationship the moment those words left his mouth.”

“Thank you everyone for the advice, common sense, knocking me upside my head, and similar related experiences & outcomes.”

“I’m gonna go to therapy & redefine what a healthy, balanced, and communicative relationship is.”

“The preplanned events aren’t wedding/engagement related. We share a home, need to divide assets, pets, a custody schedule. Additionally we have vacations, planned with a mutually shared friend group (best friend not part of that group).”

“I appreciate the concerns, but I need to plan things out a little more. There will be no second chance.”

“To those that keep saying they’re f*cking—probably . When I first brought this up, he became stressed & kept emphasizing how I thought he was f*cking his best friend, and didn’t address the issue that was brought up. I don’t care to know or confirm if they are.”

“We are NOT getting married or continuing our relationship. For those thinking I’m using the preplanned events to justify holding out for it to be good—absolutely f*ckin not. Our relationship was dead the moment he admitted she treated my like garbage, and basically shrugged it off.”

“As a note—I NEVER asked him to cut anyone off or out of his life. I simply asked for basic greetings & acknowledgment during the rare encounters with his BFF. This hasn’t happened, aside from a couple of begrudging times.”

“I tried asking him the ‘what would you tell your daughter to do’ question. He answered that if she loved her partner, she shouldn’t care about outside people.”

“Additionally he said he was tired of talking about it, he feels he’s done all he can, and he doesn’t want us (me) to bring her up any more because he’s tired of talking about it.”

“I told him our relationship is done in September (when our lease is up, etc…), apologized for bringing it up, and asked if he wanted to be alone for the evening.”

“Thank you everyone for helping me realize I wasn’t asking for too much. I really thought he was the one for me, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I’m tired & I want better for myself. I’m OK with being alone.”

It’s best for the OP to come to this decision before getting married.

Hopefully she’s able to move on to a better, healthier relationship.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metís Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. A member of the Indigenous Journalists Association, she considers herself another proud Maineiac.