Weddings are emotional, and for some, they can bring out irrational behavior.
Redditor qwertspof is in the midst of planning his, and the plans seem to be bringing out a very particular side of his fiancée.
Their dynamic has shifted so much that the Original Poster (OP) took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for advice.
He asked,
“AITA for refusing to uninvite my parents (and brother) from my wedding after they told my fiancee she was a controlling b*tch?”
“My [27-year-old Male] fiancee “Lily” [25-year-old Female], and I have been together for three years and are currently planning our wedding.”
“Lily grew up fantasizing about her future wedding, so naturally, she’s very excited about it.”
“However, there are a few concerns I have with her attitude about the wedding.”
“She’s become so obsessed with the planning that she gets visibly annoyed whenever I give my input on anything.”
“It makes me really upset because this is my wedding too, and I want to help plan as well.”
“Not only that, but she refuses to acknowledge the choices I DO make.”
He continued.
“I have no idea why, but Lily seems to absolutely despise my brother.”
“When I asked her why she said he was just ‘really annoying’.”
“She absolutely freaked when I told her he was a groomsman. She told me I had to make him a normal guest because she would be uncomfortable with him there.”
“She said I had to choose another person to take his place because she deserves to be happy on her wedding day as well.”
“This resulted in a huge fight between us, and I ended up venting to my parents about my frustrations because Lily won’t listen to me about them.”
“Yesterday, me and Lily went to dinner with them, and the topic of the wedding came up.”
“Well, to make a long story short, they all ended up yelling at each other over everything that’s happened, and my mom ended up calling Lily a controlling b*tch.”
“Now Lily is demanding I uninvite my parents as well, but I don’t want to.”
“Now Lily’s mad at me, my parents are telling me to reconsider the relationship, and my brother thinks Lily’s lost her marbles.”
“AITA for not wanting to uninvite my parents or brother?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided there was something else happening altogether.
“NTA. You need to uninvite Lily.” – purevl1
“Wowza – you are NTA for not disinviting your parents – but you need to put the brakes on this wedding.”
“Something is seriously wrong here. Your bride-to-be sounds out of control on this, and there is no way she should have forced you to change who was standing up for you.”
“And this is YOUR day too. A couple of huge red flags here:”
“1. She sounds really focused on this dream day, regardless of what you want. Is that how she will be in the actual marriage? Be prepared to be miserable.”
“2. No matter how much she plans and controls all of you to her “perfect” vision – something will not go perfectly that day. They never do.”
“I’m afraid she is going to flip out and ruin her own perfect day. It will be a miserable day for everyone unless you stop this nonsense” – TempyIsMyName
“NTA, but please, do not marry this woman. She just wants a wedding, not a marriage.” – julesofthefatankle
“Hey OP read slowly through your post and see all the red flags you have missed.”
“Do you want to be isolated from your family and in a relationship where she will attempt to control every aspect of your life?”
“Because that is where you’re headed. I don’t know if there are reasons for Lily to feel that way, however, based on your post, NTA.”
“Instead of uninviting your parents, uninvite Lily. That’s your best option.” – DaddyLonggLegss
“NTA – you need to step back and think about your relationship with Your fiancée and what you want from the relationship.”
“You need to think about the ramifications and unintended consequences of her behavior.”
“The wedding is the most important event of your relationship. She seems to be so focused on making her wedding perfect that she is pushing away everyone.”
“What happens after the wedding? She wants your family uninvited from the wedding. So, how are family events going to work after the wedding?”
“How are you and she supposed to show up at one of your family gatherings? Is she planning to never go to an event with your family?”
“Does she think that they will just forget about her uninviting them? Or wanting them uninvited??”
“Your fiancée is so focused on her dream wedding that she has lost sight of the purpose of the wedding.”
“It’s a celebration of the union of two people. It’s a transition from being single to being a couple.”
“It’s where your parents and hers recognize that you and she are leaving your family of origin to create a new family unit.”
“She is purposely antagonizing your family to get what SHE wants for the wedding. She seems to have no insight into the damage that she is creating.”
“Your wedding is where you make vows to your spouse to stay with them until death do you part.”
“Do you want to be married to someone who is so willing to just kick your family to the curb because they fit her vision?”
“The wedding is an hour of 1 day. The reception is 4 hours.”
“After you are married, you have a lifetime of events with both families of origin, Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, children, graduations, other weddings, and funerals to go to.”
“Just how are you going to be able to celebrate those things with your family after all the angst and drama from the wedding??”
“Your fiancée is so focused on the battle (wedding) that her actions are causing her and you to lose the war (marriage).”
“You and she have a lifetime of events and celebrations ahead of you if you get married. Is this the way that you want to start your life together?”
“It seems like having the perfect wedding is more important than the marriage or the relationships with the families.”
“Seriously, you need to pause and think about this and then have a serious conversation with your fiancée about what her vision is of the marriage in the context of the decisions she is trying to force on you and your family for the wedding.”
“She is giving you a preview of what marriage will be like with her. Is this what you want for the next 50 years?” – Buttercup303
“Here, you dropped these 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩”
“NTA” – Spare-Article-396
“NTA”
“Sorry, op, but her behavior is a major red flag. You have a chance now to dodge the bullet, so pls do it.”
“She’s way too controlling and refuses to allow any input given by you. First your brother and now your parents? Time to draw the line.” – Teamkhaleesi
“NTA.”
“This is your wedding, too. Your fiancée can’t dictate your groomsmen any more than you can dictate her bridesmaids. Especially when it comes to your brother.”
“Your parents are right: reconsider the relationship (or at least your engagement).” – Starry_Gecko
“NTA, but this is something that needs to be addressed on a broader level.”
“If we take your fiancée’s comment that your brother is just “really annoying,” her insistence here is utterly unreasonable, and I understand your brother’s perception.”
“Now… is there another side to this? Nobody can know that except you and the people in this post.”
“But her behaviour here should not be minimized. You are creating a ceremony that is supposed to begin a partnership, and you are a partner, not a subordinate.”
“If she cannot see that her behaviour is problematic, you have a bigger problem than a wedding. You have relationship trouble.” – bobledrew
“NTA.”
“The person you should uninvite from the wedding is Lily.”
“Your family is correct in that you should re-evaluate this relationship and do you want to deal with this type of behavior from her on an ongoing basis?”
“Lily has shown you who she is. Believe her.” – Ducky818
“NTA, but slow your roll and think for a minute. It doesn’t sound like your family is wrong here.”
“She gets annoyed when you have input for YOUR OWN wedding. She doesn’t want your brother to be a groomsman because he’s annoying?”
“I suspect it’s because he stands up to her.”
“How much does she listen to your wishes normally? Is this just a slightly worse version of her normal self? How often does she insist that her wishes are more important?” – Fatigue-Error
The OP went on to add,
“Hey everybody, I’ve been thinking over the things you’ve said for the past few hours, and I’ve come to realize this situation isn’t just some drama between my fiancee and family.”
“I’m going to talk to Lily about postponing the wedding, and if she freaks out again, I might consider canceling it altogether.”
“This isn’t the person I fell in love with three years ago, and I realize that now. Thank you all so much for confirming my concerns about this.”
Hopefully, this groom is able to find peace with whatever decision he makes.