We’ve all heard of people having best friends of the opposite sex who eventually cheated on their spouse with their best friend. We’ve also heard of creepy accounts where siblings are a little too close.
But sometimes people are naturally, platonically close, especially when they’ve gone through traumatic experiences together, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, and that relationship remains important to them, even when they become romantically involved with someone else.
Redditor ParticularValued had a tough childhood alongside his sister, and while they had to go no contact with their father, they were very close and symbolized their siblingship with matching bracelets.
Honoring his commitment to always wear it, the Original Poster (OP) planned on wearing it for his wedding day, despite his future wife’s complaints that he was making their wedding day about his sister instead of her.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my fiancée I was going to wear my bracelet to our wedding and that I was not going to remove it?”
The OP was excited to marry his fiancée.
“My fiancée (27 Female) and I (27 Male) have been together for three years, and we’re going to get married next month.”
The OP also wore a special bracelet to commemorate his relationship with his sister.
“To provide some context, my sister (29 Female) and I had a pretty terrible childhood.”
“We lived in a single-parent house with our dad, and it was a pretty traumatic time for us as he was very emotionally abusive. He shouted at us a lot and made us cry many times. We are now in no contact with our dad.”
“When I was 13, my sister handmade two bracelets, one for each of us, each with a mix of blue beads and green beads, which were our eye colors, and we made a promise then that we would wear it the rest of our lives.”
“And we have. I still occasionally remove it when I’m at home, but when I’m out, I always wear it, even though some might think it’s a bit childish.”
“My sister, too, has worn hers constantly over the last decade and a half.”
The OP’s fiancée did not want him to display his connection with his sister at their wedding.
“While my fiancee has no issues with it, she says that I should remove the bracelet at our wedding because it is all about us as partners, and my sister has no role in it whatsoever.”
“My fiancee and I have had many discussions, and I am unwilling to budge. I want to wear the bracelet at our wedding.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some assumed the bride was jealous of the sister somehow stealing the spotlight.
“Why is this the hill she is willing to die on for this major life event? It makes no sense to me. Plus, wouldn’t it be hidden anyway?”
“It sounds to me that she doesn’t like the symbolism of it and doesn’t want him to have bonds with anyone else after they are married.”
“I’m throwing a red flag on this one. Sometimes it is the seemingly innocuous things that you need to pay the most attention to.” – 2Legit64
“This is obviously something that has bothered her. She has just not said anything about it to OP yet because who wants to marry that? But once the deal is sealed, the jealousy will rear its ugly head.”
“NTA.” – pathouligirl77
“According to OP the reason she gave is that the day is about them, not him and his sister. It reads to me like she is objecting because she is jealous about how tightly bonded he and his sister are.” – Peaceful-Spirit19
“What gets me is a wedding is a joining of families, where you want to be surrounded by all the people you love and care for to witness it. Yet she’s trying to exclude your sister instead of joining her family.”
“Why the heck is she jealous of his sister throws up red flags and makes me wonder if she would try and push her out of their lives once married.”
“Regardless, he needs to get to the bottom of this and make it clear she has no right to demand this and that being married to her doesn’t mean his sister isn’t a part of his life. He shouldn’t have to choose and it’s ridiculous she wants him to. NTA.” – Sweet-Interview5620
“NTA. If it’s important to you it should be important to her. And the fact that she’s got such an issue with such a small thing (it could easily be hidden) makes me wonder if there’s no underlying jealousy of your sister or something. I would ask her how she’d feel if the roles were reversed.” – ObjectiveLength7230
“A jealous bride. Scary.”
“She needs to be more important than his family of origin. He’s known these people his entire life. I’m glad when siblings are close. What a bonus to have a friend who is also your sibling.”
“But that’s not a good thing, to the bride. She’s like, ‘No! No love for anyone but meeeee!'”
“Be careful, OP. Know where you two stand before you wed. NTA.” – SweetWaterfall0579
“My brother is a soldier and has been for 25 years now. Before his first deployment to Iraq, he gave me a wristband of his battalion tartan (we’re Scottish). I never take it off and have literally been wearing it for 25 years, including at my wedding.”
“People have noticed if I’ve taken it off but that’s only ever at home if say we’re decorating, painting walls or such like, so it doesn’t get ruined.”
“NTA. The fiancée needs to get over it and realize it’s important to you, the wedding is your day too OP, it’s not just about the bride.” – hepburn17
Others agreed and were worried about the bride’s motivations.
“I can’t imagine, knowing the story behind it, wanting OP not to wear it. The bride-to-be is either a ridiculous bridezilla or she’s planning even now that they will distance themselves from her in-laws after marriage and make things All About Her.”
“If she keeps insisting, it’s probably not a good long-term match because it speaks of more issues down the road. Who wants a partner who will pitch hissy-fits about things that are meaningful to you while insisting she gets everything she wants?” – Gatodeluna
“You need to remind your fiancée that it’s not just ‘her’ special day but ‘our’ special day, and the bracelet is special to you. These days, it’s getting more ridiculous what expectations brides are projecting on others to have their perfect Instagram wedding.”
“Tell her the bracelet is non-negotiable, and if it’s her hill to die on, then so be it.”
“OP, your fiancée is about to show you her true self and how she’ll react in the future when she doesn’t get her way. Make sure you’re paying attention.”
“NTA.” – tryintobgood
“NTA. Your bracelet means something deep for you. Does she have issues with your sister? It seems weird she’s so against you wearing your bracelet on your wedding day.”
“There’s more to this, there has to be, because I would assume you’d be wearing a tux or a suit, so in theory, it probably wouldn’t even be seen. I’d be speaking to your sister and asking if there’s been tension or something between them.”
“Your bride-to-be, in my opinion, is acting like a bridezilla.” – MyChoiceNotYours
“NTA, I’m stuck at how your ‘sister has no role in it whatsoever.’ Does your fiancée not view the wedding as a celebration of your love with your family and friends?”
“Of course your sister has a role!! She is your family, the only family you have left, and she will be there to support and celebrate your love and commitment to your fiancée. I understand not including her in the wedding party if they aren’t close, but you’d expect your future wife to at the very least be willing to sacrifice a small detail in the wedding (your bracelet showing) to include her future sister-in-law, specifically when the bracelet means so much to you.”
“Honestly, she seems to lack empathy and doesn’t seem to understand that the wedding is not all about her and that your feelings matter. It is your wedding, too.” – Why_r_people_
“I know it’s fiction, but this line from ‘Game of Thrones’ always rings true for me:”
“‘Sometimes, when I try to understand a person’s motives, I play a little game. I assume the worst. What’s the worst reason they could possibly have for saying what they say and doing what they do? Then I ask myself, How well does that reason explain what they say and what they do?'”
“Imagine, as a romantic partner, being jealous of a sibling relationship.”
“Gross. NTA, OP.” – mountcrappish
Some urged the OP to sort this out before he and his fiancée married.
“I will say… this wouldn’t be the first time someone left things out of a Reddit post. Maybe she’s said for years that she’s uncomfortable with how close they are. Maybe she has valid complaints that he has put his sister over her when he shouldn’t.”
“Or maybe she’s weirdly jealous. Maybe she’s being a bridezilla. Maybe she just thinks it looks childish and he could incorporate it into his boutonniere so it was ‘hidden.'”
“No matter what, I think I would want to know why before I got married to her.” – knightsofni11
“They should sort all of this out before getting married. Whether OP left something out or not, it needs further discussion, before the marriage.”
“It seems she should know how important this bracelet is to OP. Her wanting it hidden cause it looks childish isn’t a good reason. It’s OP’s wedding, too.”
“There can be any number of reasons, which is why OP should get to the bottom of this before getting married.” – Fragrant-Hyena9552
“When you marry someone you marry into their family, loosely defined as the people most important to each partner. If it is important to you, OP, it should be enough for your fiance to drop it. That she would nitpick on this is somewhat concerning.”
“You may want to share with her that you are concerned about how this unreasonable demand of hers will affect your relationship and your level of trust in her support of your emotional well-being. Surely you would feel the same if roles were reversed, right? Then it’s worth sharing as a valid concern.” – mmebrightside
“Marriage is about accepting your partner in their totality. OP’s relationship with his sister is part of the totality of who he is, and it’s absolutely 1000% appropriate for him to wear a symbol of that relationship at his wedding.”
“I have a necklace of my grandmother’s that I wear a lot. If I were to wear it to my wedding, I’m betting people would say it was a sweet way to honor an important relationship.”
“I’m guessing it’s less about the fact that it’s ‘not about their relationship’ and more about the fact that OP is a guy and there’s less of a cultural tradition in the west of guys wearing jewelry to honor their important familial relationships.” – readthethings13579
“OP, before you get married, ask her if she considers life-long vows important.”
“You’ve already proven your stance by wearing this bracelet. It’s her turn.”
“NTA.” – energizernutter
The subReddit could not stop shaking their heads over this one and questioning why the bride-to-be had such a problem with her future husband wearing a green and blue bracelet on their wedding day.
Even if it didn’t match their wedding colors, the groom’s tux jacket sleeve would probably cover it anyway… even if it didn’t, it was an important symbol of his relationship with his family, which was supposed to be brought together with the bride’s family on their wedding day.
Maybe the bride forgot that wedding days are not just about the bride.