It’s a well-known rule that no one should wear white to an American wedding unless it’s been specifically requested or approved.
When the bride goes so far as to remind her guests not to wear white, it’s more important than ever to respect that rule, reasoned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor AshleighBarkley made it very clear while sending out her wedding invitations what the expected dress code was, and she could not have been more clear: no white.
When her sister decided that the rule did not apply to her, and she showed up in a dress that clearly meant to compete with the bride’s wedding dress, the Original Poster (OP) felt the only thing she could do was kick her sister out.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my sister wear white to my wedding and kicking her out when she showed up in it anyway?”
While the OP was planning her wedding, her sister asked about her dress.
“I (27 Female) got married two weeks ago, and it was supposed to be the happiest day of my life.”
“My sister (31 Female), who I have a complicated relationship with, decided to test me in the worst way possible.”
“We’ve never been close, she’s always tried to one-up me, even during family events. It’s exhausting, but I figured she’d at least behave at my wedding.”
“Months ago, when I sent out the dress code, I made it very clear: no one wears white but me. It wasn’t negotiable.”
“My sister gave me attitude about it, saying I was being ‘insecure’ and that ‘no one cares about tradition anymore.'”
“I told her that whether or not she agreed, she needed to respect it.”
But it was clear the OP’s sister did not respect what she wanted.
“The morning of the wedding, she showed up wearing a floor-length, lace white dress. It was practically a bridal gown.”
“My heart dropped, and I straight-up asked her what the h**l she was thinking.”
“She said, ‘It’s not THAT white, and besides, no one will care.'”
“I told her that if she didn’t change, she wasn’t welcome.”
“She threw a tantrum about how I was ruining her day and stormed off, telling everyone I was being a ‘bridezilla.'”
“Some family members told me to let it slide because ‘she’s just like that,’ but I was done.”
The OP felt deeply disrespected by her sister’s actions.
“The rule about wearing no white was clear. She knew that as well as anyone else. This wasn’t some accident; it was a calculated move. People don’t just stumble into a floor-length white lace dress for a wedding without knowing exactly what they’re doing.”
“She had every chance to wear literally anything else but chose that dress on purpose. Letting it slide would’ve just given her permission to pull stunts like this at every major event. Some people need to learn the hard way that actions have consequences.”
“She made a choice that showed how little she values my feelings. It’s not just about tradition; it’s about respect. I set a clear boundary, and she decided to trample all over it. That’s on her, not me. If she can’t handle a simple request, then maybe she needs to rethink how she interacts with me.”
“So, I told the staff not to let her back in unless she changed. She never came back, and now she’s telling everyone I ruined the relationship for good.”
The family was divided despite the OP’s sister breaking a common rule at weddings.
“My parents are mad, saying I should’ve just ignored her because ‘it’s only a dress,’ but I feel like this was a deliberate choice to sabotage my day.”
“I refuse to let her drama overshadow one of the happiest moments of my life. I didn’t ask for much, just a little consideration. If she can’t handle that, then she can miss out.”
“My husband agrees with me, but some family is still p**sed.”
“So AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that her sister had crossed a line… repeatedly.
“NTA. Your sister disrespected your clear dress instructions and showed up in a white gown almost identical to a wedding dress. She was trying to steal the spotlight at your wedding. You were right to uphold your boundaries and not let her ruin your day.”
“Ignore the family members who say you should’ve just let it slide. This was your special day, and she didn’t care.” – RedditAICommenter
“OP is behaving reasonably; it’s the sister who is acting unhinged. I can’t imagine not being embarrassed by wearing a wedding dress to someone else’s wedding.”
“The family supporting the sister and not OP says all we need to hear. They’ve likely been doing this for OP’s entire life.” – Wondercat87
“You said, ‘I made it very clear: no one wears white but me. It wasn’t negotiable.’ Okay, so you clearly cared about nobody else wearing white.”
“You also said, ‘My sister gave me attitude about it, saying I was being ‘insecure’ and that ‘no one cares about tradition anymore.’ Combine both, and that means to me that to your sister, you are no one.”
“This is an attitude she repeated and clarified later in your post: ‘She said, ‘It’s not that white, and besides, no one will care.'”
“If she doesn’t care about you, the host who literally makes the rules, on your big day, then you can safely say she really doesn’t care about you.”
“And that’s the real problem here, her, not ‘only a dress.'” – Square-Singer
“Good for you for standing up to such a bully and selfish person. You’re absolutely right. I’m guessing either she’s the favourite or she’s always got her way by throwing tantrums. Neither is healthy.”
“I hope you had an otherwise amazing day. NTA.” – FluffyShiny
“Your sister sounds a LOT like mine, and that’s no compliment. I’m in my 60s, and my sister is two years younger. Until about 15 years ago, she had me convinced that I was responsible for all the problems in HER life. Finally, my husband helped me see this pattern and break it.”
“She’s a narcissist, the real thing. Although she’s never been formally diagnosed; in hindsight, it’s crystal clear. After our father died three years ago, her behavior got even worse, in spite of me warning her several times that I was NOT just going to roll over and play dead anymore and that she’d better learn to treat me with some respect.”
“She didn’t even try. Finally, as soon as I could, I followed my husband’s suggestion to cut contact with her. I have no regrets, either.”
“I don’t believe in letting people get away with terrible behavior simply because ‘that’s the way they are.’ Maybe it is, but why should anyone else be expected to put up with it?” – daylily61
“Your sister planned to wear that dress the minute you specifically told her not to. It’s a total power trip; she wants to show she has the power even on your wedding day. You say don’t do something, she does it, just to show that you’ll let her, OR so that she has reason to play the victim.”
“There is no winning with this person, because in the end, the way she throws her power around is to make you react. You react in anger, in happiness, in acceptance, etc… it gives her power because she CAUSED that reaction.”
“The only way to win is not to react at all. You do ignore her, but not by letting it slide by reacting to it matter of factly, like it’s not a big deal.”
“For example, if you run into her, don’t mention anything, don’t act like nothing happened and everything is good, but don’t bring it up. Just go, ‘What’s up, how are you? Good? Great to hear; I’ll go say hi to Mom.’ Trust me, you not bringing it up, not trying to discuss it, not trying to get her to apologize, not even being angry about it, will KILL her.”
“If she tries to talk to you about it, like ‘Don’t you owe me an apology,’ your responses should be neutral and matter of fact like you don’t even think about it like, ‘About what?'”
“If she says, ‘About throwing me out of your wedding!’, you could say, ‘Oh, yeah, that. Well, you could have come back at any time as long as you changed but you didn’t. Sucks you didn’t want to be there we had a blast!'”
“Or if she says, ‘We should talk about what happened, just say, ‘Nah, I’m good.’ She’ll probably add, ‘Well, I’m still upset!’ because she thinks it’s all about her, so then you’d just say back, ‘Oh, well, I’m sorry you feel that way. Hope you feel better.'”
“And if your parents say you should have ignored her or that’s just what she does, you can say, ‘I know that’s what she does. That doesn’t mean I’m going to put up with it. If she wants to be that way, she can do it on her own. She’ll be her way, and I’ll be my way.'” – Razzlesndazzles
Others theorized that the sister must be the golden child, even on the OP’s wedding day.
“Is your sister the golden child? Just because no one in the family holds her behavior to account and has thus enabled her behavior, it doesn’t mean that you have to.”
“Wearing white to a wedding is incredibly disrespectful. I’d consider going low or no contact with your sister and all her flying monkeys and enjoying your new married life. Congrats, by the way!” – BoudicaTheArtist
“This whole situation is giving Golden Child vibes. specifically the ‘She threw a tantrum about how I was ruining her day and stormed off’ bit. Ruin HER day? That’s not normal.”
“It’s giving big ‘I grew up getting to blow out other people’s birthday candles, and now I can’t handle not being the center of attention and praise’ vibes.”
“To be honest, as soon as others told the OP to let it slide, I’d have kicked them out too, and they can stay mad about it. Ain’t no room for that kind of mess of disrespect at my wedding, or in my life.”
“Keep up the backbone, OP. People only shape up when there are consequences, and going no contact is a fantastic way to either get people to fully understand the error of their ways, and that as an adult their place in your life is not guaranteed, and to cut toxic people out of your life early so they can’t drag you down anymore.” – moon_vixen
“I get the feeling that Sis is not married, and she was NOT happy her younger sister was getting married first. I am willing to bet that’s the case. Along with that whole Golden Child and it’s-all-about-ME thing.” – BecGeoMom
“I’m certain the sister must be the Golden Child. Everything she’s done screams it. Especially since the parents are mad… at OP.”
“They raised that monster and still expect OP to bow down to her and her fits and desires. Nope. OP would not be losing much by dropping the rope on that group.”
“I get it’s ‘family,’ which can be difficult mentally to let go of the relationship with but bear in mind that family should treat you better and more respectfully than random people on the street. They aren’t acting like family.” – G0471Y
“It’s possible the family let the sister get away with her behavior, not because she’s the Golden Child, but because she’s the unreasonable psycho.”
“They know the only thing they are going to achieve in trying to argue with her is a massive headache. She’ll throw tantrums, and yell, and it will be a long, drawn-out, h**lish affair, and in the end, she STILL won’t change, most likely NOTHING will change, and if it does, it will be the tinniest of smallest victories.”
“It’s just easier to ignore her and let her do what she wants as what she does is small at the moment. It’s little things that she will argue with a massive disproportionate reaction if challenged that it just doesn’t seem worth the headache; it’s easier to just let it go.”
“The problem is that there are so many little things that it adds up until it changes from letting things go to letting someone treat you like crap.”
“It’s incredibly common that when there are two arguing parties, and one is crazy, that the sane party is asked to yield because they are the one that can actually be talked to. OP isn’t the lesser child. She’s just the easier child.” – Ancient-Dependent-59
The subReddit empathized with how the OP had been treated and reassured her that her reaction had been reasonable. While the family might dismiss the issue, citing the sister’s behavior as ‘just how she is’ and ‘just a white dress,’ it was the blatant and purposeful disrespect at such an important event that should have been giving everyone pause.