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Groom Irate After Bride ‘Disturbs’ Wedding By Refusing To Touch In-Laws’ Feet In Cultural Ceremony

Married couple foot detail

Weddings and relationships benefit from detailed communication.

Especially when it comes to the marrying of different cultures and traditions.

It’s always best to go down the checklist together.

There is usually some overlooked detail that can cause drama.

Case in point…

Redditor /New_Contribution_503 to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for asking my wife to touch my parent’s feet during our wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (35 M[ale]) wife Lisa (35 F[emale]) and I got married recently.”

“I live in the UK, but both of us are from different countries.”

“It was agreed that the wedding would be held similar to how it’s held in our culture.”

“It went smoothly until towards the end when both of us were supposed to touch the feet of the groom’s parents.”

“When she was asked to do that, though, she looked confused, and then slightly angry.”

“She asked me what in the world that’s about, and I told her it’s how it’s done.”

“She straight-up refused, causing a disturbance in the wedding.”

“It was mentioned that it’s necessary as it would not get ‘completed’ otherwise, but she mentioned that she’s not going to bow down and that she knows what she’s worth.”

“It resulted in an argument, and in the end, we did not go through with that.”

“Later I told her that she insulted me in front of everyone, especially when she had agreed to hold the wedding that way.”

“But she said that no matter how it’s held, touching someone’s feet like she’s a slave is not what she would do in a million years.”

“I held down my temper as I did not want to fight, but she accused me of ‘Not living in the 21st century when you clearly belong to the medieval era.'”

The OP was left to wonder:

“So AITA?”

OP came back with a little more information to clarify things

“I was supposed to touch the feet of the bride’s in-laws as well.”

“It would have been the groom’s first, but it would have included hers afterward.”

“It was not one-sided.”

“And as for not explaining it to her beforehand, I am not the one who was assigned to even explain it to her.”

“Our parents had explained it to hers’, who in turn said they would tell her about it.”

“Apparently, her parents did not inform her.”

“Just to clarify again, I did not inform her myself because there were many other customs involved aside from this, which I did not know.”

“It was agreed that her parents would inform all of it to her all together.”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“As an Indian Hindu, YTA.”

“First off, she was blindsided, and it is your fault.”

“How did you not walk her through these rituals and traditions beforehand?”

“Secondly, even if she did know about it, it is up to her whether she wants to do it or not.”

“Maybe if you explained properly – it’s not a slavery thing, more of respect, for blessings, etc – she may have agreed.”

“But if she’s from a culture where that is actually looked down upon (like in Islam, for instance), then I don’t see how her not doing it is unreasonable.”

“You need to have a hard look at your equation with your wife because, from this, it does not sound like you respect her or treat her like an equal.”

“And honestly, to not just let this go and try to almost blackmail her by telling her that the ceremony was incomplete without this (which, by the way, is categorically untrue) – when she agreed for the ceremony to be done in your cultural traditions and not hers – is crazy.”

“She literally met you 99% of the way, and you met her zero percent – and you are still complaining and nitpicking.”

“That doesn’t reflect an equal partnership – it reflects that you want full control.” ~ TA_totellornottotell

“This is the one, YTA.”

“I don’t know anything about this culture, but if I was asked AHEAD of TIME to do this, I may consider it out of respect.”

“It sounds like you just told her about it during the ceremony, and that is what makes YTA here.” ~ No_Mathematician2482

“While we don’t have rehearsals in Hindu weddings, we do share videos from films, YouTube, and family weddings with members who might be unfamiliar with the various rituals.”

“And we talk through the expectations from bride and groom, as well as their respective families, in detail, and agree upon things beforehand.”

“This is because, even within Hindu culture, there are too many sub-cultures based on region, caste, family traditions, personal choice.”

“And when one person is from an entirely different culture outside Hindus, it becomes all the more critical to orient them.”

“So, yes. There should have been some detailed and clear system planned to onboard the bride and her parents, instead of relying on shady multi-level communication system which allows OP to throw his in-laws under the bus.”

“OP – YTA.” ~ SSinghal_03

“If my hubby left it to my in-laws to explain this, it wouldn’t likely happen.”

“I might do something to make him happy on our day, but if he left it to my M[other] I[n] L[aw] and F[ather] I[n] L[aw] without explaining the importance to him personally I would definitely have balked at it.”

“Because in my culture, that would sound just as antiquated and steeped in misogyny as asking my dad to ‘give me away’ at the altar, which is something I didn’t do despite it being a traditional part of the ceremony where I’m from.”

“This aspect could have nothing to do with subservience but to an outsider.”

“It kinda just sounds like he asked her to give them power over her in their relationship’s future, especially if he didn’t reciprocate with her.”

“Even if it was the most egalitarian act I still wouldn’t be as likely to participate if it was in laws that asked instead of my partner.”

“He’d need to explain what it means to him, or I’d just assume it’s something his family is trying to do to us both and I’d assume he wouldn’t want me to feel so uncomfortable, and I’d politely refuse.”

“If he cared about both her and the ceremony, he’d have told her himself. I’m not sure he really cares about any of this.”

“It sounds like he just wants control, and for her sake.”

“I hope he can convince her that she’s what matters to him.” ~ Nexi92

“I’m Indian, married to a British man.”

“The first time my husband, who was then my boyfriend, saw me touching my parent’s feet was when he came to meet them in India, and there was some sort of puja or something going on so he asked me why I did that – and I told him.”

“Explained that it is a sign of respect, that’s how we ask for blessings and well wishes, etc.”

“He then asked me if he should do it too, and I was like no, please!”

“You really don’t have to.”

“But before he left for the airport to go back home, he suddenly bent down and touched my parent’s feet.”

“They were stunned, speechless by the gesture, and my mum even cried. She was so overwhelmed.”

“He has done it every time after that (accompanied by the customary ‘no no beta please’ and my parents’ feeble attempts to stop him lol), and there were zero issues when we had to touch my parents and his parent’s feet during our Hindu ceremony.”

“Because not only did I take the time to explain it, but he actually cared enough to observe these things, ask about it, and then perform the gesture himself.”

“And that’s why I think ESH.”

“OP for springing this on his wife at the worst possible moment, and his wife for just throwing a fit at the wedding and never bothering to actually care enough to observe and learn this stuff.”

“Respect and communication are so important in inter-cultural relationships.”

“Here’s hoping OP and wife do better moving forward.”  ~ fishchop

“Yeah, saying it was her parent’s responsibility to explain his cultural practices doesn’t make this any better, like his edit is trying to make it seem.”

“Doesn’t bode well for OP treating his wife like a partner and an equal when he apparently can’t have a simple conversation with her as adults and instead expects her parents to take care of everything like she’s a child or an old-timey bride being passed from her parents to her husband.”

“YTA. If it’s that important, why not explain it himself?” ~ El-Ahrairah9519

“This. Also, grew up Indian Hindu, you had an obligation to explain every step of the ceremony to her, and she should have been allowed to do or not do any part of it.”

“This kind of thing is going to come up again and again in the future, by the way.”

“In my family, we don’t do the feet-touching thing because my dad thinks it’s hierarchical and stupid.”

“Considering Hinduism, at least in the West, is a pretty a la carte religion, you insisting on it is pretty disgusting.” ~ WangSimaContention

“And… the edit does not help.”

“OP should have gone over the entire thing with her and her parents and his parents.”

“And with her alone.”

“Making sure she understood and was okay with it all.”

“Other people’s customs often have parts newcomers love, are indifferent about, and are appalled by.”

“You need to know which those all are, for her.” ~ Neenknits

“100% YTA, it’s your own fault.” ~ External_Expert_2069

Well, OP, Reddit is not with you.

Communication is key to any relationship issue.

It’s a good idea never to assume that everyone has all the information, particularly when they aren’t from your culture.

Hopefully, this can all be rectified.

Good luck going forward.