Wedding receptions are a time for celebration! But not everyone’s celebration styles are the same.
Redditor Real-Leather-1989 recently got married and his wife’s behavior at their reception drew some negative attention from his family.
So much so that the original poster (OP) took to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback.
He asked,
“AITA for not telling my wife to tone down her dancing at our wedding?”
He went on to tell his story.
“Throwaway because my wife has Reddit.”
“My wife [29-year-old Female] and I [29-year-old Male] got married last weekend.”
“We’ve been together since first year of uni and got married on the 10 year anniversary of the day I asked her to be my girlfriend.”
“We’ve grown up together, got through thick and thin and I know there is no one else I want to spend my life with.”
“For context, my wife is half Spanish and we incorporated a lot of Spanish traditions into our wedding. It also meant that, with all her family there, the reception turned into quite the party.”
“I was pretty tired after dancing for a while so I went to sit and talk with my family whilst my wife kept dancing with her cousins and friends.”
“After a bit of chatting, my mum and aunt essentially told me that they weren’t too pleased with my wife’s dancing to songs like “Low” and “SexyBack,” saying that her slut drops and “wiggling her bottom like that” weren’t appropriate on her wedding day and were disrespectful to me.”
“To be honest, I didn’t see anything wrong with the way she was dancing – it was nothing more than I think any person would dance to songs like that in the club when they were having fun and had a couple drinks – and I told them as such.”
“They said I should tell her to tone it down, but she was having fun with her friends and I didn’t see anything gratuitous about it, nor was she super drunk, so I told her it wasn’t my place.”
“We ended up wrapping up the party soon afterwards anyway.”
“The morning after, we had breakfast with my family and my aunt mentioned to my wife that she was pleased that I eventually got her to ‘tone down the fiesta.’” “
My wife asked what she meant by that and my mum told her about the conversation from last night (my wife has told me about this, I was talking to my dad and uncle at the time and didn’t hear).”
“My wife apologised but was then very quiet for the rest of the day, and when we left the hotel she was very upset with me, saying I should have told her that she had offended my family and that she was humiliated that I hadn’t told her anything about it on the night, like my aunt had assumed.”
“I was sorry that she was humiliated but I was not sorry that I hadn’t told her to tone it down, because in my opinion she didn’t do anything wrong.”
“She still thinks I should have just told her because now she won’t have a good relationship with her in-laws (she doesn’t have a good one with her parents).”
“I’m mad at my mum and aunt and want them to apologise to us, but she refuses to bring it up with them and wants to apologise again to them when they come over this weekend.”
“I want to stand up for her because I think they’re being incredibly rude, but she doesn’t want that, she just wants to mend bridges.”
“She’s still upset with me because I don’t see it her way and because I’m not sorry that I didn’t tell her.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“You and your wife are NTA”
“Your family is so controlling and rude that when going to you didn’t work, they told her to her face that she danced provocatively and pretended you did what they told you.”
“This needs to stop immediately. You need to stand up for her and give them serious consequences. Otherwise, they will continue this throughout your relationship.” – lellyla
“Yeah, your wife was not disrespectful to you. Your family was disrespectful to your wife.”
“They put you in a really sh*tty position–I can see why your wife might wish you’d told her and now she’s upset, but if you had told her she likely would have been upset then and I can understand why you wanted to keep that bs away from her and make sure she had fun at her wedding.”
“It was sh*tty of them to say to you, and even more sh*tty of them to say to her.”
“I understand that your wife is nervous about having a good relationship with your family, but honestly if they’re being this dickish to her at the wedding it doesn’t seem enormously likely the relationship will be very good anyway.”
“That sucks, but it’s their fault not hers.”
“At the end of the day the relationship that matters most is the one between the two of you.”
“I think you made the right call personally, but you shouldn’t invalidate her feelings now. In my opinion you should say something along the lines of this:”
“‘I think my family was totally wrong to judge you for dancing with your friends and having fun on our wedding day, and I only didn’t tell you about it because I didn’t agree with their opinion so I didn’t think it mattered.’”
“‘I understand you are worried about your relationship with them and so if you want me to tell you things like that in the future then I will.’”
“‘But in my opinion they are the ones who should be worried about maintaining a good relationship with you, as you are the most important person in my life and your happiness is my top priority.’” – EchoPhoenix24
“NTA your Mom and Aunt are sexist and rude asf” – Momof5munsters
“NTA, your family are the ones in the wrong here (also micro aggressions are awful).”
“I understand your wife’s concern, but there’s no way you could have known how’d she feel about the situation.”
“You can’t read minds. Your instinct was to respects your wife’s actions and desire to have fun at HER OWN wedding.”
“She shouldn’t have to compromise her personality to appease some prudes who probably can’t even dance. I wish you and your wife peace.” – ninjaturtlebomb
“NTA”
“I kinda see where your wife is coming from though, she’s embarrassed and thinks that’s your fault.”
“She’s missing 2 very important points”
“1. They had no right to say what they said.”
“2. You were awesome for having her back.”
“Apologising again will only make it a bigger issue than it actually is. Just forget it. They will” – stasy012
“Nta, finally a husband sticking out to his wife!”
“Not only your mom and aunt are mal intended and judgemental and hurtful, they wanted to create a rift between you and your wife despite you telling her what she is doing is bad or not.”
“Not nice to have this type of dicussion taint your wedding day but some people can’t help it 🙄” – mary21o
“NTA, but you will have to regularly remind your wife that you love her for who she is and that’s why you married her, and your aunt is being kinda classist/elitist and a little racist (e.g. “tone down the fiesta”).”
“Not gonna lie, that line had my blood boiling for a hot second.” – kipsterdude
“NTA, you did right by your wife. Ask her how she’s going to feel if they say things like that about your future daughters?” – tessherelurkingnow
“NTA”
“I would have had a hard time not telling someone to go f*ck themselves after “tone down the fiesta.” The utter caucasity of it.” – zoopest
“I’m Hispanic and I’m used to a lot of dancing at parties and weddings. I felt really offended when reading your aunt said ‘tone down the fiesta’”
“I could see her saying other stupid sh*t down the road, I think she needs to apologize and realize her statements like that make her appear racist, there’s no way your wife should feel the need to apologize for absolutely loving life and celebrating her marriage to you.” – absolutgoddess
“Your wife is trying to fit in and didn’t want there to be trouble. However, the comment by your aunt about the “fiesta” is a clear indicator that your wife’s race played a part in their judgement.”
“Honestly, I think YTA for not saying something about that. Your wife has nothing to be ashamed about.”
“You, however, should be a better husband when it comes to the judgement of potentially racist relatives.”
“She shouldn’t have to endure that to be married to you and it would eventually kill that union.” – stove1336
“NTA.”
“Your wife’s instinct to mend bridges and have a good relationship with your family is both sweet and commendable. But I think you should stand your ground.”
“‘[Wife], a good relationship with my family will NOT be based on you making yourself smaller, or ashamed, or controlled.’”
“‘If they wanted a good relationship, they would have let you do whatever you wanted on your wedding day.’” “
‘THEY are the ones who overstepped boundaries. I refuse to set you up for decades of being scolded and bullied by my family.’”
“‘You are doing nothing wrong, you have not created a problem. They did.’”
“‘It’s important TO ME that my family understand I love you, I choose you, I uplift you and I am delighted with you EXACTLY as you are.’”
“‘If you would like, I will tell them that you apologize. But I am also going to tell them I am f*cking furious, because I get to have my own feelings about my family too.’”
“‘We are a unit. I am on your side forever. And the fact they tried to hurt you on your wedding night was their choice and has permanently impacted my relationship with them, forever.’” – Lily_May
Hopefully these newlyweds can find their happily ever after, however family figures into that.