Being asked to be part of someone’s wedding is a huge honor and responsibility. If it goes well, it’s the memory of a lifetime.
Redditor LoquatAbject9192 unfortunately had to drop out of her best friend’s wedding. But when the original poster (OP) told the bride she wouldn’t be there for the big day, it caused some strife.
OP isn’t sure if she was a jerk to drop out last minute, and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit their titular question.
OP is worried they were wrong for what they did.
“AITA for dropping out of the MOH role last minute because of an emergency”
But what could make her drop out so suddenly?
“My best friend Chloe was getting married last Saturday and I was the maid of honor. For one year straight I was the main planner for her and did the best that I could to fit the standards she had set for the wedding.”
‘I even planned an amazing bachelorette party one month before the wedding and I couldn’t do this without the gorgeous bridesmaids as well.”
“Two days before the wedding my husband had a heart attack and was hospitalised. Doctors said his situation was severe and he was transfered in an ICU. Later doctors told me he needs an emergency open heart surgery the next 24hours.”
“His situation was very life threatening and we could lose him anytime.”
“My best friend called me to wish me well and I thanked her. She also asked if the surgery will happen before the wedding and I said that it will happen the day before but it will last for many hours.”
“She said ‘that’s alright, just making sure it doesn’t intervene with the wedding thats all. It’s sad we cant have Ben there (my husband) but we’ll have you and you can eat and drink for both of you haha’.”
“That’s when I told her I won’t be able to come to the wedding whether my husband’s surgery is over or not because I need to care for him and I want to be next to him until we are all 100% sure he’s gonna be fine.”
“She said she understands but she reminded me that as a MOH I have a duty and it’s one day before the wedding I can’t drop out. I said that I am sorry about this but I almost lost my husband and I don’t want to leave his side yet.”
“She didn’t curse me out or anything but she was very upset and she started crying. She said she understands and wished well again.”
“My husband’s surgery went well and we were now awaiting for his recovery. It was the day of the wedding and I called my best friend to wish her well. She didn’t pick up.”
“Later I video called one of the bridesmaids and she answered, I asked to talk to chloe but she said she’s busy getting ready. I said fine I’ll call later.”
“I called again and again but no response. I thought she was simply busy with the preparations. I called the day after the wedding and still no response.”
“She wouldn’t reply to my texts at all. I contacted some of the bridesmaids and they told me that she’s very upset with me for dropping out the day before the wedding and that I should make it work no matter what.”
“Some of them said I did what’s reasonable and how my husband’s health should be my priority but some others feel like I let down the bride on her big day and I shouldn’t expect a word from her anytime soon. AITA?”
A bit later, OP cam back and updated with a little bit of clarification.
“Edit: I wanna clarify that this is the first time my friend has ever acted like this. We’ve faced many difficulties during wedding planning but she was always a sweetheart about it and made sure to never give a hard time to anyone.”
“She was actually the most chill bride I’ve met in my life. There was no way I thought she’d react like this over such an important emergency because I didn’t even have previous signs than she’d act like that.”
OP was torn between her duty to her friend and love for her husband. Was she wrong to drop out so suddenly?
To find out, fellow Reddit users would judge OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Heart surgery is major surgery. It’s life threatening. There was every chance that something could go wrong before, during, and after the operation.
OP was a good maid of honor before the wedding, helping Chloe and throwing her a bachelorette party. But she was more than justified to take a break for her husband.
Final judgement was that OP was NTA.
“Nta. And my heart breaks for you to even have to ask this. You did everything perfectly dear. If it was her in the hospital would she prefer her now husband to go to a party or stay and sit with her?”
“Or if it was her husband having open heart surgery would she have the guts to go out and party knowing what he was going through? I’m so glad your husbands surgery went well and I hope for a speedy recovery!” – KiwimagnoliaA
“I felt so guilty for a moment. Part of me still feels guilt for at least not making sure to attend the ceremony and skip the reception.”
“But I don’t know if that would be right considering my husband was just out of a surgery like that” – LoquatAbject9192 (OP)
“Nta. She’s delusional if she thinks her wedding should take priority over your husband’s life. I wouldn’t try so hard to repair this friendship.”
“Esp since she is creating more stress for you when you are already dealing with a lot.” – HarlesBronson
“This. Support goes both ways… Where is she when you need her?*”
“*sulking” – Discombobulatedslug
“It didn’t even cross my mind at first. She hasn’t even checked up on me to see if my husband is doing well after a life threatening situation.”
“Everyone around me has called, even my ex boyfriend has texted me to wish well for my husband, distant relatives and coworkers have contacted me, except my best friend.” – LoquatAbject9192 (OP)
“NTA. She seriously expected you to break your vows to be there for hers?” – ToastylilToast
“That was my thought. The bride clearly doesn’t understand what marriage is truly about.” – IndistinctMuttering
OP updated with another disclaimer, but also that she was beginning to understand where she stood with her supposed best friend.
And it wasn’t anywhere good.
“Edit 2 : I want to add another disclaimer. On the day of the wedding I stopped calling because I figured she’d not reply because she’s busy.”
“But later I was also told she was only not replying to me specifically because she was upset. She had taken few calls from relatives who couldn’t attend because of distance. She specifically didn’t respond to me.”
“One of the bridesmaids also pointed out how it’s weird that she never called me to ask how my husband’s surgery went and as a best friend, she could take a couple of minutes out of her day to simply see if everything’s ok as well.”
“Never thought about this until my friend, the bridesmaid mentioned it. So now it hurts way more.”
It hurts when you realize someone who you thought was a friend doesn’t seem to actually care about your feelings. And there isn’t a good way to move forward.
Sure, OP could try to repair the relationship, but she doesn’t owe Chloe an apology. It’s the other way around.
But the real question is after realizing your friend didn’t even check on you when your husband was going through major surgery, do you even still want to be their friend?