Whether they're having a small, intimate wedding or a large wedding with hundreds of people, all prospective brides and grooms must eventually draw the line at who gets an invitation and who doesn't.
Often making guest lists even more complicated is who gets a plus one and who doesn't.
Indeed, many invited guests do not take kindly to the fact that they were not also granted a plus one, and thus must attend the wedding alone.
Even if they are currently without a significant other and have been for some time.
Redditor RealisticOpening2048 was finalizing the guest list for her upcoming wedding.
When doing so, and in an effort to keep her guest list small, the original poster (OP) eventually decided not to give her sister the opportunity to bring a date.
Sadly, the OP's sister was quite hurt and angry by this news, and the OP's explanation as to why she wasn't allowed to bring a plus-one only made her sister feel even worse.
Wondering if she could have handled things better, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not giving my sister a plus one to my wedding?"
The OP explained why she made a conscious decision not to allow her sister to bring a plus-one to her upcoming wedding:
"I (25 F[emale]) am a Winter 2024 bride, and am marrying the absolute love of my life."
"My sister and I have always had a great/interesting relationship."
"Most sisters would know; one day, you start fighting because she wore your clothes, and the next day, you're having Dunkin together, typically sisterly things."
"Well, my sister has always been, to put it frankly, a pick-me, girl."
"She has no friends that are women because she says 'she sees them as competition' and she likes to be friends with boys."
"She will only date rich men, and refuses to settle for less (a little bit to that later)."
"My sister has not had a relationship last longer than 2 months, and she always has a new guy on her shoulder."
"My mother and Fiancé were recently talking about this before I sent out my invitations."
"I had mentioned since our venue was on the smaller side, we didn't want strangers in our wedding, nor did we want them in our wedding photos."
"My mom had made a comment about how anyone my sister would bring would be a fling, since she currently was not in a relationship."
"When we went home that night, I brought it up to my Fiancé (we'll call him Bertram)."
"I told Bertram that I really did not want a complete stranger in my wedding pictures, and certainly not someone my sister would only have been dating a few weeks, maybe a month."
"Well just this past week Bertram and I sent out our wedding invitations, and they read 'We have reserved __ seat(s) in your name'."
"So for example for my Fiancé's family his reads, 'We have reserved 4 seat(s) in your name'."
"When my sister received her invitation, hers read 'We have reserved 1 seat(s) in your name'."
"And boy was she upset."
"She called me and told me that it was not fair that she could not bring a plus one."
"I mentioned to her that she didn't have the best track record with men, and that Bertram and I really didn't want some random person nobody would talk about in our wedding pictures."
"She said that I was selfish, and that since our Wedding was towards the end of December (the 29th) she had 6 months to find a boyfriend, and that it would be a serious relationship."
"Now here I might've gotten mean, but I told her I would seriously doubt if she found anyone, given her track record for the absolutely worse men alive."
"As I mentioned before rich men, who think buying gifts will excuse cheating, and lying."
"She got upset, hung up, and said she will be attending my wedding with a boyfriend of 4 plus months because she will find one."
"AITA for not giving her a plus one? And would I be an a-hole for considering to uninvite her all together?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, they generally had trouble sympathizing with the OP for not giving her sister a plus one to her wedding.
Some supported the OP's stance, agreeing that she was completely valid in not wanting complete strangers in her wedding pictures and pointing out that plus ones also result in added costs:
"NTA."
"For the last time, for everyone in the back, you don't have to invite anyone to your wedding just because someone expects it."
"Just like people are free to take that invitation and respond to it how they see fit."-NotCreativeAtAll16
"NTA."
"There is never any obligation to offer single people a +1 to a wedding."
"But I certainly hope this is a blanket policy you applied across the board rather than singling out your sister."- Jyqm
Others, however, felt that the OP was being completely insensitive for throwing her sister's dating history back in her face and that giving your sister a plus one to the wedding was only polite.
"Gonna go against the grain and say YTA."
"You come across as very judgy and contemptuous of your sister, and I bet that tone was apparent when you explained the rule to her."
"You might win the battle, but if you value your sister at all, you need to find more respectful, empathetic ways of communicating with her."- growsonwalls
"You're not an a**hole for not giving your sister a plus one, but DAMN, the way you talked to her?"
"You had so many options, and you chose to be an a-hole every time."
"You knew that this was going to be something your sister would want to discuss."
"Why on earth didn't you prepare yourself for this conversation?"
"You should have had a clear, neutral explanation ready to go."
"'Because this is a small wedding, we only want people there that we have a relationship with'."
"'We don't want someone there we don't know'."
"Of course, a discussion (and possibly an argument) would follow."
"But at least you could have gotten off on the right foot."
"Instead, what you did say, the very first explanation you gave her, was that she didn't have the best track record with men."
"Damn, girl, you went right for the throat."
"You immediately made it personal, and you did so in a massively judgmental way."
"You don't approve of her relationship history, so she doesn't get to bring a date."
"You could have given her an explanation that wasn't hurtful and judgmental, but for reasons of your own, chose not to."
"She responded poorly, but you absolutely provoked her."
"And as if that wasn't enough, you then made absolutely clear that this was 100% about you disapproving of her choices, and that there's nothing she can do to change your low opinion of her and her relationships."
"Yeah, saying 'Well I'm going to find a boyfriend right now just to spite you' is her being petulant, but you basically told her you don't think she's capable of having a relationship with a decent guy."
"Ouch."
"And again, you had other options!"
"You could so easily have told her, 'Well, if you start seriously dating someone, we can revisit this discussion'."
"But that wasn't what you said, at all."
"And because she reacted badly again, now you're thinking of uninviting her entirely?"
"I'm sure you love your sister, but it really doesn't seem as if you like her very much."
"At every turn during this conversation, you chose the most hurtful thing to say, even though there were blatantly obvious alternatives available to you."
"I'm going with YTA, because while your sister also behaved badly, you really provoked her."-FeuerroteZora
"I don't know, you tell me?"
"You're placing yourself on a pedestal and using your wedding as an excuse to belittle and shame your sister's love-life, because her plus-one might be in some photos?"
"If I were her I wouldn't even come, and years down the road when people ask why you can tell them you cared more about the wedding photos than your sister."
"Get over yourself, seriously."
"YTA."- behappysometimes
"Oh, god YTA."
"Just the way you wrote this."
"Close family always get a plus one, even if it's a friend so they're comfortable and happy."
"Unless you have about twenty guests, your sister gets a guest."
"Your writing of this is seriously judgmental."
"It's not cute or fun."
"Actually, don't invite her at all. The whole thing sounds insufferable."- whatsername235
It's common knowledge that the more people you invite to a wedding, the more it's going to cost.
And had any of us been in the OP's shoes, much as we might be loath to admit it, we probably also would have preferred her sister come alone rather than bring a stranger with whom she very likely had no future.
But that is a thought that the OP should have kept to herself rather than telling her sister right to her face.
Still, the OP likely doesn't need to worry about her sister bringing a plus one anymore, as chances are, her sister will not be attending either.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.