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Bride Sparks Drama After Including Mom In Wedding Dress Shopping, But Not Groom’s Mom

Shop assistant helping bride get into wedding dress.

Choosing the perfect wedding dress can be one of the happiest moments for a bride.

It can also be one of the most stress-inducing.

The perfect dress is often the lynchpin that ties everything together.

And sometimes everybody wants a say in the look.

This doesn’t always go over well.

Redditor EqualStrange8904 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not taking future MIL to the bridal appointment?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I am looking for advice on how to kindly explain to my future F[uture]-M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] why she was not invited to my bridal appointment.”

“I went to a sample sale back in December and wound up buying the first dress I tried on.”

“My 2 sisters and my mom were in the entourage.”

“The dress was 60% off and was what I was looking for (simple, no lace, no beading, no mesh, fit and flair with a train) so it was a no-brainer that it was the one.”

“My expectations were low as I was worried there would not be a sample gown that would fit me, but this dress was it!”

“Now onto my future MIL.”

“She has been so bitter this entire planning process and makes a face of disgust every time we show her our wedding plans (hates the colors, the venue, the food, the photographer… you name it, she will find something about it that she does not like).”

“I hate what I see when I look in the mirror, so I was not mentally prepared for her inevitable criticisms of the dress, as (in my opinion) it is in a way a criticism of my body.”

“My fiancé disagreed and said she would never be so harsh about my looks, but I do not feel that way.”

“She would not have liked the experience.”

“She would have talked me out of this dress.”

“My future MIL is not one to buy something on the spot, she would have wanted me to go home and think about it before buying it.”

“Now, this is practical, but not how the sample sale worked, as you had to say yes on the spot otherwise it would go to another bride.”

“She also would not have been able to see my vision, as the dress still needed alterations.”

“For these reasons, I knew taking her along to the appointment would have resulted in tears, confusion, and not finding a dress.”

“I SWEAR I intended to take her to the next shopping trip, which wound up not being necessary, and if she had not started giving me the silent treatment, I was going to take her to a bridal fitting.”

“Now here is where I might be the AH.”

“Since getting the dress without her present, her negative comments have gotten much worse and I have started getting my guard up as soon as we start talking about the wedding with her.”

“It is to the point where I cannot even handle constructive criticism from her because I am in full fight-or-flight mode when she is around.”

“I am honestly not sure who is giving who the silent treatment at this point, but we have stopped talking to each other.”

“Tomorrow we are supposed to go have a talk with my fiancé present and I need to explain to her with a calm head why things have changed between us.”

“I feel like this all could have been avoided if she had just come to the damn bridal appointment in the first place, and if I had a spine, I could have just ignored her comments and bought the dress anyways.”

The OP was left to wonder:


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA. Laugh at her and drag out a list as long as a Walgreens receipt.”

“Ya, it’s a maze.”

“We were going to surprise you!”

“We did that on purpose because it’s like a ping pong PINBALL machine, and you picked the bumpers.”

“I’ll add ‘maze around tables’ to the list of what you don’t like so we don’t mention it again.”

“Thanks for letting us know. Byeeeeee!!!” ~ smallpepino

“I mean frankly I would just settle in for a long slog through a difficult relationship with this woman.”

“We can’t make others behave how we’d like them to, no matter how hard we try or how much we want to make it work for the other people (read: fiancé) we love.”

“The attempt just becomes a drain on your own energy.”

“If her reaction to wedding plans is any indication of who she is as a person, she’s one of those people who is happier being unhappy.”

“These people will suck the life out of you every damned time.” ~ Adventurous_Ad_6546

“I hope OP realizes that this is how the FMIL does everything.”

“Catering to her won’t work, she will always be negative, and critical, and if FMIL knows she can make comments and ruin everything she will.”

“I would seriously rethink spending a lifetime with this woman interfering and criticizing every move.”

“She sounds like a nightmare.”

“Think of what everything in your married life will be with this woman criticizing everything from your entire wedding, the house you buy, everything about pregnancies, children’s names, every aspect of child-raising, and everything else.” ~ Dangerous_Ant3260

“NTA but I understand why you want to speak to her kindly, even if you would have every right to be upset with her.”

“She will be family very soon, unfortunately.”

“Like a lot of people here are saying you should talk to your fiancé and ask him how to speak gently to her so she understands.”

“But I think you must be prepared that she is going to be mad no matter what and how you say it to her if she’s as bitter as you say.” ~ Adorable_Committee90

“NTA, she’s not going to be happy with anything so don’t worry about it.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’ll have a good relationship with her no matter what, enjoy your wedding planning, and don’t let her be a damper.” ~ boo2449

“Do not have a meeting.”

“OP, your fiancé needs to rein his mother in now, not only to show her that he supports you fully but to show YOU that he supports you fully.”

“As others have already said, stop involving your MIL-to-be in any wedding planning.”

“Call her out on her criticisms and make it clear that the negative attitude has consequences.”

“She is hypercritical and uses that behavior to control people by making them doubt themselves and their choices.”

“Don’t fall into her trap.”

“Finally, I’ll bet your dress is gorgeous and you will look beautiful in it! NTA.” ~ incognito_autistic

“NTA, obviously, and if you aren’t in therapy already, please get yourself there soon.”

“The fact that you’re seriously entertaining the notion, ‘But if I just let this person who is mean and abusive toward me have their way, maybe they wouldn’t be so mean and abusive toward me?’ is alarming.”

“You will presumably be dealing with this nasty woman for the rest of her natural life, and the time to set clear boundaries with her is right now.”

“Don’t let her walk into that wedding ceremony with the impression that she’s got a new surrogate child she can push around and demean.” ~J yqm

“NTA. Do you know who never came to one of my dress-fitting for either wedding? My future MIL.”

“Because YOU are the bride, and you need people that you trust.”

“And I don’t know about you, but I wanted my dress to be a surprise to as many people as possible.”

“She is the AH for her actions, but your fiancée is also an AH in this case for not sh*tting his mom down.” ~ NotCreativeAtAll16

“NTA. The bridal dress shopping is for the people who support the BRIDE… it’s her closest friends and family, not the Groom’s (or other bride’s) side.”

“Does she pull this crap in front of her son, or just when he’s not there?”

“She is not going to improve unless her own child shuts her down, completely.” ~ Heeler_Haven

“NTA big time.”

“However I would pause the wedding until your Hubby to-be pops his head out of his own a** and stops defending his mother for being horrible to you.”

“I am telling you now, no man is worth a r/JUSTNOMIL. Please, I beg of you, don’t marry a momma’s boy.” ~ BriefHorror

“NTA. granny here, who shopped and picked out my wedding dress (on sale!) by myself.”

“This was in the days before that ridiculous Say Yes to the Dress show, where apparently brides are incapable of picking out a dress without an entourage.”

“Pay attention to how your fiance responds to his mother’s behavior.”

“I know more than one person who had a MIL who made her life miserable, while Sonny was trying to keep his mother and his wife happy, by staying neutral.”

“Do you love him enough to put up with her?”

“Does she realize that how she treats you will impact her access to future grandchildren?

“Good luck!” ~ WatermelonRindPickle

OP came back with an update…

“Well, we had the talk, and it was in some ways productive but in other ways, very not.”

“For one, she made it clear she is happy we are getting married and wants this wedding to happen; I said thank you for that.”

“However she is standing firm on continuing her ‘suggestions’ and states she will no longer tell them to ME, but will continue giving her critiques to my future husband.”

“SO she won’t change and stands firm that she is simply having an opinion.”

“The main problem is my fiancé… he is upset with the outcome and thinks she should feel comfortable to give me suggestions, and I simply need to learn to take it better.”

“He said while I do not need to take her advice, she should still be able to give it… basically saying she need not change, but I should… so yeah.”

“I’m not too sure where to go from here because I love him very much but yeah… I am sad I wish he would stand by me on this.”

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

You deserve to be comfortable and happy with your decisions for your big day.

It’s worrisome that your future Husband feels differently.

It may be a good idea to have some therapy before the wedding.

Good luck.