Weddings in the best of times are tough to plan.
But make it a destination wedding and add in a pandemic, and there are guaranteed to be some headaches.
An arrangement like this will likely mean some important loved ones won't be able to come, admitted the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
But a Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was not ready to hear such negative news from her best friend.
When her friend insisted she couldn't make it happen, the Original Poster (OP) still wouldn't budge.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for expecting my best friend to save money over 2 to 3 years to come to my destination wedding?"
The OP planned ahead to have a destination wedding.
"I met my fiancé on vacation and now live abroad. Despite this, my friend and I have kept up regularly and are still best friends."
"3 to 6 months before I was engaged, my partner and I started planning a destination wedding."
"We didn't want a wedding in either of our home countries and wanted for all of our closest friends and family to get to know one another and celebrate our relationship since it will be nearly impossible to ever have everyone together again."
The OP and her fiancé tried to accommodate potential guests.
"We chose a destination that is notoriously cheap and we hoped to pay for as much as we can for our guests so that their biggest expense would just be flights."
"We understand that most people can't afford an international flight with only 6 to 12 months' notice. So before we were even engaged, we told our closest friends and family our plan to give them time to save."
"My friend was very excited for the wedding and seemed to be fine with making the destination work."
But then the OP received some bad news.
"But the pandemic happened and our wedding that we planned for the end of 2021 or mid-2022 had to be postponed to 2023."
"When I was first engaged, my friend was single. Just over a year later (today) she tells me that she and her boyfriend are getting engaged and having their wedding in 2023."
"I mentioned how crazy 2023 will be with so many weddings, not complaining about her date at all, because I knew I would make it work for her."
"She informed me that she will likely not come to my wedding if it's a destination wedding anymore."
"She said she doesn't have enough vacation days. She explained that she had 3 weeks off, one for their honeymoon, one to visit her family who lives a few hours away, and a whole week off for wedding planning."
"I mentioned that she probably didn't need to take a full week off for wedding planning."
"She said that everyone takes off time to meet with vendors."
"I mentioned that a lot of people get married while having full-time jobs and that most vendors are able to have weekend meetings for that reason."
"But she dismissed me and said that I don't understand how weddings work in her area."
The friend insisted the plans had changed.
"She then said that even though she will have had 3 years' notice, that the US inflation had increased 5%, so she could not afford the flight in addition to paying for her wedding in 2023 and buying a house in 2022."
"She also told me that she could not afford her partner's flight and he can't either since he doesn't make a lot of money."
"I asked if she would be willing to come without him."
"She said no because she didn't want to travel alone."
"Even after I mentioned that she could travel with one of our mutual friends, she still said no."
"She said that because we didn't have a set date, that I couldn't have expected her to put money aside for the wedding and that life goes on and she has other expenses."
"I felt like she was putting me in a position to choose between the wedding I've been dreaming of for the past 2 years and having my best friend there."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP would be wrong to keep arguing with her friend.
"YWBTA (you would be the a**hole) if you keep pushing this, I think. She's saying 'no' in many different ways here."
"Essentially, it's not within her budget."
"Unfortunately, this is the downside of destination weddings, you end up with even close people dropping out." - firefly232
"The friend has said it's not happening. She's given several reasons, but 'No' is a complete sentence."
"OP rolled the dice with a destination wedding in the first place, and I'm almost on the YTA side for the way she dismissed the friend's time-off concerns for her own wedding planning." - AcrylicTooth
"On top of that, OP says the destination was 'notoriously cheap.' If people need to save up that much for your destination wedding, it isn't that cheap."
"Also, OP is based in Australia and her friend is US-based, so wherever they're going, it's a hella long flight for OP's friend."
"YTA for expecting her to save up for a wedding that isn't within her means, and expecting her to give up her time off for your wedding."
"Also, wedding planners in the US are booked to hell and back, and weekends might not be an option for her for wedding planning, or maybe just maybe she doesn't wanna cram planning into her free time on weekends."
"She's using her time off to make planning, her wedding, honeymoon, and visit with her family as stress-free as possible, and here you are, adding to stress for her."
"Take a step back, look at this from someone else's point of view, and be better."
"If you care about this friendship, you need to recognize you're being a lowkey bridezilla for expecting her to put her life on hold for you, especially since you wouldn't do the same for her."
"If you're gonna feel put out by something, maybe don't make it something you're just as guilty of doing." - lilmxfi
Others agreed and said the OP should be more sensitive to others' needs.
"Anyone who acknowledges that their friends and family will need more than 6 months to save up money just to travel to their wedding yet isn't prepared for guests to decline the invitation because of tight finances and time constraints is an a**hole." - thistleandpeony
"In all seriousness, I'm not saving up 6-12 months for someone else's wedding. I don't care if we've known each other a decade. A year or half-year of savings is a ton of my money that can be used on a lot of things that aren't one big party."
"People really need to realize. No one cares about your wedding. We're happy for you. But it's a checkbox that affects literally no one outside of the relationship."
"I will be happy for you, I will get you a gift and cry but I don't care if it's in a backyard or the Eiffel tower. It's still your wedding." - Kcinic
"Some of this wedding culture irritates me. It's narcissistic to think your wedding is important enough to other people that they'll spend money on it."
"In general, don't expect anything of the guests, bridesmaids, or family other than that they exhibit good manners during the event." - eleveneels
Though the OP was adamant that her best friend attend her wedding, the subReddit pointed out how big of an ask that actually was. Not only did her friend have her own life and wedding to attend to, but going to destination weddings typically is anything but cheap.
Her friend might have been able to attend at the originally scheduled time, but the OP unfortunately needs to accept that changed plans can lead to new RSVPs as well.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.