Everyone wants to look their best during important life events.
This is especially true for brides on their wedding day.
It’s meant to be a day of joy and celebration, and each bride wants to remember it fondly.
But what if not everyone sees your vision of beauty the same way?
Redditor StrongRecover741 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling the truth about how the bride looks?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I F[emale] (24) dabble in photography quite often as for a career I design clothing and model it to save costs.”
“So when my brother Jake M[ale] (21) asked me to photograph his wedding, I, of course, agreed.”
“My brother’s wife, Chelsea(22) is a very kind woman, however, her stylistic choices can sometimes be a bit wild.”
“I do not judge at all because I know innovation is part of self-expression.”
“Chelsea showed me her wedding makeup, and she had these vibrant green contacts on.”
“They looked extremely reptilian on her due to it not matching her undertone.”
“When she showed me the picture, I told her she looked lovely, but that the contacts weren’t the best.”
“She seemed a bit offended and told me she just wanted to look ‘exotic like you.'”
“I offered to find her some more natural contacts, but she wouldn’t relent.”
“On her wedding day, as I took pictures, the contacts looked even worse, like a neon green light-up sign.”
“When Jake was free for a moment, I showed him a few pictures.”
“He called Chelsea over, and she seemed to be happy with the pictures, while Jake seemed a bit iffy.”
“Chelsea asked what I thought, and I told her she looked stunning, but I then asked if she’d like me to edit the contrast a bit in the pictures.”
“She then got extremely defensive and accused me of calling her ugly on her wedding day.”
“Of course, that was not my intention, but I left early to prevent a scene.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. You expressed your opinion, once.”
“It sounds like you were mixing your personal opinion (‘her stylistic choices can sometimes be a bit wild’) with your professional opinion about the contacts, which makes me a touch suspicious of your motivation here.”
“But even so, once is fine.”
“But then you brought it up again on her wedding day.”
“Again when you (unnecessarily) sought a second opinion to back yourself up.”
“AND AGAIN when you suggested editing the photos on the same day.”
“It’s not your place to keep pushing your opinion on the bride.”
“She was happy. Why didn’t you want her to be?”
“If she changes her mind later — as you suggest she might — then the photos could be edited THEN.”
“But you needed to be right and kept pushing, and that’s where you’re YTA.” ~ quats555
“A gentle YTA.”
“You showed her the photos, and she liked how she looked- that’s what matters in this moment.”
“As you said, this is her form of self-expression.”
“You’d have been better off sticking to your ‘I do not judge at all’ claim.”
“You approached this as a family member and not as a wedding photographer.”
“Can’t fault you for that, so a gentle YTA, because you are her new S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw].”
“Your honesty was well-intended, but your timing was poor.”
“A wedding photographer would have taken the photos and not questioned the bride’s style choices.”
“That would be the professional approach in this scenario.”
“Afterwards, once you send the photos over, the bride could let you know if she has concerns.”
“If she didn’t, as a photographer, you keep your mouth shut.”
“Side note: As someone who does photography as a side hustle, I highly recommend not being the main photographer for relatives’ weddings.”
“Learned this early on.”
“They hire a professional, you have more fun, and whatever photos you take are ‘bonus’ pictures that they are ever so grateful to receive!” ~ HowlPen
“I agree with this stance, and I think a lot of people here are failing to see past the fact that the bride’s contact choice was obviously a mistake.”
“This was all about timing, and the right time to bring this up was not on their wedding day.”
“I used to work weddings and knew a lot of photographers— this is something they would have brought up, gently, later on, while editing the photos.” ~ Carma56
“YTA. Giving her advice pre-wedding was okay.”
“There was absolutely no reason to show them pictures or give them advice or ask about editing ON THE WEDDING DAY.”
“That could have been saved for post-wedding and could have been done a lot more tactfully (give them a few options of a sample photo and see if they choose the lower contrast one).”
“Also, you then left early, presumably leaving them without a photographer?” ~ v_a_n_d_e_l_a_y
“Giving options post-wedding day is a great idea, and one OP should have thought of before saying something at the moment.”
“Unfortunately, doing so now will seem like another attack against the bride’s style.”
“Agree with gentle YTA.”
“Also YTA for saying you don’t judge and then proceeding to write out a very judge-y post.”
“Everyone judges.”
“Don’t pretend you’re an exception, OP.” ~ iamcoronabored
“YTA. You mentioned it the first time, and she disagreed.”
“That should have been the end of it.”
“But you mentioned it again on the big day!?!?”
“If her contacts really pained you that much, you should have just sent her 2 edited examples (one with adjusted contrast) and asked which she preferred for the rest after the wedding.” ~ Joy_3DMakes
“YTA. For the reptilian comment, if nothing else… that is a bit much.”
“You know you have a preference for well-balanced colors and stylish choices.”
“Others don’t have the experience or style to distinguish between overdone and outstanding.”
“You should never have agreed to photograph the wedding.”
“If you were going to work on the contrast of the pictures, just do it… no need to imply to the bride that you still don’t like her choices while you are attending her wedding.” ~ arcsine1
“YTA. Keep your unwanted opinions to yourself.”
“Whether she looked like a Komodo dragon or not, it’s not your place to make her feel bad on her wedding day.”
“If they wanted to photoshoot the eye color out after the event, that’s so easy to do.”
“Instead you put a huge damper on their wedding day.” ~ catterybarn
“YTA. I am a wedding photographer.”
“Everyone has their own style, which is what makes weddings fun.”
“You sound full of yourself.”
“Someone who dabbles in photography should not be shooting a wedding.”
“I would never consult a client on editing, especially at their wedding.”
“Not to mention, greens always look wild before editing. Ridiculous!” ~ Longjumping-Cat-712
“YTA since you did this at her reception.”
“That is not the time to discuss picture editing especially since you already discussed the contacts and she’s told you she liked them.” ~ angryromancegrrrl
“Yeah, I’m confused why she would even ask about editing color balance and contrast.”
“That’s just… obligatory?”
“It’s unethical to make significant changes to the contents of a photo without permission, but lighting/vibrance/etc just comes with the package.”
“I would never give people untouched RAWs unless it’s relevant or they explicitly request it.”
“However, looking at the way the post is phrased, I wouldn’t trust OP to not significantly change the color of the bride’s eyes to the point of it not resembling reality.”
“If you don’t know how to act like a professional photographer, you shouldn’t be accepting requests to take wedding photos. YTA.” ~ sburbanite
“YTA. Stop offering unsolicited criticism of other people’s appearance.” ~ annang
“You would never make it as a wedding photographer if you did this with other clients.”
“You don’t ‘imply’ that the bride and her choices are unsound or unappealing.”
“If they don’t realize they are having a wardrobe malfunction or something like that, it’s different.”
“She liked the photos.”
“Then you just had to add the negative connotations that you had set up previously.”
“She clearly made her preferences known in advance and you decided to push back on it anyway. YTA.” ~ Scenarioing
“YTA. You say you told ‘the truth’ but this is something that is entirely subjective.”
“You already had told her you didn’t like the contacts and she made it clear she wanted them.”
“On the day, at most, you could have said, ‘Hey, I know we talked about your green contacts. I’m noticing now that we’re in the sun, and they look much brighter than we previously discussed. Is that okay with you?’”
“And when she says yes, you say ‘great, thanks’ and keep doing your job.”
“But you kept making it clear that you didn’t like it even though it was what she wanted.” ~ Joessandwich
“YTA. You addressed the contacts once already, you were vetoed.”
“You need to get off this topic already, God d**n.” ~ Chastity-Plants
“YTA – you (or someone who knows how to use Photoshop) could fix the contact problem in 5 minutes if she ended up not liking how they looked.”
“YOU didn’t like them, so you chose to make a big deal of it in the moment.”
“What exactly was the goal here?”
“You had already taken a bunch of pictures.”
“Were you going to retake them all?” ~ Latter-Shower-9888
“Eurgh, YTA.”
“You tried (fairly successfully) to get your brother to gang up with you against his just-married wife to tell her something about her appearance was, in your opinion, unacceptable ON HER WEDDING DAY when it was something you’d already spoken to her about and she confirmed that, regardless of your opinion, she liked it. Wow.”
“Good luck to her being in your family.” ~ kifflington
“YTA she already said she’d like the pictures and that’s all that should matter.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think about him and there was no need to express your opinion when it wasn’t asked for.” ~ keesouth
OP returned to answer some questions:
“The bride was not being racist with the exotic comment; English is her second language; I just look unconventional.”
“I left the wedding at 1 am instead of 3; they had lots of pictures taken by me.”
“I asked her about the edits at the wedding itself as she wanted them posted ASAP on my account and hers.”
“I didn’t want her to receive rude comments from our relatives, my followers, or anything like that, but I also didn’t want her to be edited without consent.”
“Finally, here is what the contacts looked like, https://www.moonfunmakeup.com/products/silken-green-natural-contact-lenses”
Well, OP, Reddit has had some issues with your actions.
There is a time and place for everything, but you didn’t have malicious intent.
Maybe offer a more solid apology when things cool off.
Hopefully, your new SIL will eventually understand.
Good luck.