Being a maid of honor is, indeed, an honor.
Being chosen for the position means that the bride considers you to be her absolute closest friend, and wants you to be there with her as she enters into a new life.
Even if being a maid, or matron, of honor in the modern world also means having a number of added responsibilities to ensure that the wedding is the best day of the bride’s life.
The maid of honor of Redditor Nice_Geologist_7238 seemed to be doing just that, and was a huge help to the original poster (OP) leading up to her big day.
But when the day of the wedding finally arrived, things took an unfortunate turn for the worse, all owing to the choice of dress by the bride’s teen cousin.
Wondering if she could have handled the situation better, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my maid of honor and her mother out of my wedding?”
The OP explained how her best friend turned green with envy right before her very eyes upon the arrival of her teenage cousin, and felt there was only one solution to this unfortunate problem.
“I (28 F[emale]) recently got married to my husband (31 m[ale]).”
“It was a big wedding and it was amazing.”
“My best friend L (27 F) was my maid of honor and she helped with all of my wedding plans.”
“She helped me make my wedding what it was and I was extremely grateful.”
“I decided to let my bridesmaids pick out their own dresses I just gave them a color scheme to match.”
“The problem came when my niece (14 F) came to the wedding in the same dress as L.”
“I noticed and found it funny as they both had the same hair color and my niece looked like a mini L.”
“The dress didn’t look that much like a bridesmaid dress and it looked amazing on both of them.”
“L pulled me aside and started ranting about how my ‘bratty’ teen niece came in the same dress as her.”
“I brushed it off and said that the dress doesn’t really scream bridesmaid so it’s not like she wore a full of ballgown.”
“L then said that she needs to change her dress.”
“I asked why and she said that she looks better in it and her wearing it is gonna take away from her shine.”
“I then told her that it shouldn’t be her shine, it’s my wedding and if she’s wearing that dress then I’m not gonna be the one to make her change.”
“We moved on from it until L’s mother came and screamed at me for ‘ruining her baby’s day’.”
“I said it’s not her day and if they both carried on like this they would be removed from the wedding.”
“She said fine and walked away.”
“Not even minutes later my niece came to me crying because L’s mother spilt red wine on her dress.”
“I tried my best to get it off but it was no use I had a couple dresses in my car for if any of my bridesmaids had an issue with theirs and luckily one fit her nicely.”
“She thanked me and went back to the party.”
“I went to L’s mother and brought her aside and yelled at her.”
“She told me that she didn’t want to but L told her to.”
“I said I didn’t believe her and told her to leave my wedding straight away.”
“I then went to L and told her what her mother said.”
“She then told me that she did tell her mum to spill the wine because she knew I had spare dresses in the car so it wouldn’t matter.”
“I told her to leave and told her I needed some time away from her.”
“She refused to I ended up having to practically push her out of the venue.”
“Her and her mother have been sending me horrible texts and I don’t know whether I did the right thing by kicking them out.”
“Am I the asshole?”
“When my niece came to me she told me not to tell her parents what actually happened other than the story she planned to tell them of why she was wearing a different dress until after the wedding because she didn’t want there to be a big scene.”
“The next day I went to the hotel they were staying at and told them what happened.”
“They were livid.”
“I gave them L and her mothers numbers and let my sister and BIL know that I plan to cut contact with L and her mother and whatever they decide I will be here for.”
“I gave them the security footage of the venue showing L’s mother purposefully pouring wine on my nieces dress and I sent the screenshots of the rude messages which also included both of them admitting to doing it.”
“I’m not sure what’s going to happen next but I’m a complete wreck as I’ve known L since I was two and because my mother died when I was young her mum was my only mother figure and now they’re both gone from my life completely.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking L and her mother out of the wedding.
Everyone was horrified, not only that L and her mother actually seemed to think that L should have been the center of attention at the OP’s wedding, but that they would actually sink so low to spill wine on a child.
“NTA.”
“She sounds so conceited it hurts.”
“It’s YOUR day and as Maid of Honor she should be doing everything she can to make sure your day runs smoothly, not be the one to cause you problems.”
“Sounds like a bad friend.”- Ishoweduptoday
“NTA.”
“But how did you not know L was that selfish and a bully?”- Primary-Criticism929
“NTA.”
“Your friend is a walking red flag.”
“If I were you I would kick her and her mom not only out of the wedding but out of my life too.”-Esludaf
“What the hell did I just read.”
“NTA.”
“Any future texts I would simply reply ‘You are both adults who chose to assault a literal child over what she was wearing’.”
“‘Until you seek psychological help for whatever possessed you to do that and apologize to for your actions I have nothing else to say to you’.”
“Then block them.”- UWillFearMyLaserFace
“NTA.”
“And both L and her mother sound toxic.”
“‘Her day’, not ‘you and your husband’s day’..?!?”
“What the actual eff.”-PinkedOff
“She, and her mom, purposely and maliciously humiliated a child for something that was neither party’s fault nor intention.”
“That is pretty psycho behavior.”
“Not even seeing she was in the wrong, or that trying to upstage ANYONE at a wedding is super inappropriate, is a huge red flag.”
“NTA, and don’t take her back.”- DancinginHyrule
“NTA.”
“And I hope L can be photoshopped out of as many wedding photos as possible.”
“Who is that petty?!”- that_was_way_harsh
“NTA.”
“She got jealous of a kid?”
“A member of your family no less!”
“L and her mother don’t belong in civilized society.”
“If anything they should be being sued for ruining your nieces dress on purpose.”- bendytoepilot
“NTA.”
“Your friend and her mothers actions were absolutely despicable!”
“Two grown women should not be bullying and assaulting a young teenage girl.”
“They sound completely fucking deranged and feral yet have the cheek to send YOU abusive messages?”
“I wouldn’t even want that friendship anymore.”
“I’d block, block, block and never speak to them again.”- anonymous270220
“NTA.”
“A group that will spill wine on a child is malicious and has no place at a wedding.”- AgoraiosBum
“NTA.”
“But your MOH and her mother, ugh. I can’t imagine a 27 yr old woman so insecure and petty that she feels threatened by a 14 yr old, though judging by her mother’s reaction, it is clear that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”
“Are you sure you want them in your life?”
“They honestly sound like so much work and drama.”- Suspicious_Ad9810
“NTA.”
“When I got married I also had my bridesmaids stick to a color scheme and pick their own style of dresses as long as they were floor length.”
“Long story short one of my guests showed up in a floor length dress in the EXACT color of my bridesmaids.”
“I could have pitched a fit but who really cares?”
“It sounds like you were trying to enjoy your day and roll with the punches and they had to maliciously cause problems and make you and your niece miserable.”
“Don’t even spare them another thought!”- TwitchasaurusRex
Indeed, it’s really hard to decide which is more shocking, spilling wine on a teenage girl out of pure spite, or thinking that the maid of honor should be the center of attention at a wedding.
Either way, it’s hard not to feel that the OP’s actions weren’t justified.
Even if one can’t help but feel bad for the OP for apparently losing her best friend, though after the way she behaved, one has to really wonder how good a friend she actually was.