When a bride is planning her wedding, it’s generally understood that she and the groom will have the final say in how their special day together would look.
But sometimes people don’t appreciate the happy couple’s ideas, especially when it involves a themed wedding, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor harryPotterWedding scoffed at the idea of her sister’s ‘Harry Potter’-themed wedding but still agreed to be a bridesmaid.
But when she realized the wedding party’s outfits would also go with the theme, the Original Poster (OP) considered not going to the wedding at all.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not dressing up for my sister’s ‘Harry Potter’ wedding?”
The OP wasn’t all that close to her sister.
“Things between my sister (25 Female) and I (27 Female) have always been just a little bit strained. We’ve just been very different people at pretty much every point in our lives, and we’ve never been super close.”
“Which is fine. Things are pretty cordial most of the time, except for a few times we really struggle to see eye to eye.”
“This is one of them.”
But she was happy for her when she heard about her getting married.
“My sister got engaged a few months ago. It was good news; I like her fiance, and I was very happy for her.”
“She asked me to be one of her bridesmaids and I accepted, and have since been talking with her and the other bridesmaids, making preparations.”
“She’s a big ‘Harry Potter’ fan and wanted to make the wedding ‘Harry Potter’-themed. Not my thing, but I didn’t think she would go crazy with it.”
That was, until she heard more details about the wedding.
“All had been going well for a while. But killing that vibe, my sister recently told us that the bridesmaids would have to dress up like certain ‘Harry Potter’ characters.”
“We’d still be wearing dresses, but they’d be styled after the ‘Harry Potter’ characters, and we’d have to do our makeup to resemble the characters, as well, or something like that.”
“And I really did not like that idea.”
The OP decided to point this out to the bride.
“Everyone else didn’t really seem to respond to it, so I myself said that I didn’t want to do that.”
“It turned into a huge spat with my sister, and I mentioned that I didn’t want to be a bridesmaid if it meant buying a dress I didn’t want and not getting to even look like myself.”
“Then she dropped another bombshell on me: she wanted all the guests to wear one of a few different dresses or suits (in red, green, blue, or yellow, of course), in order to make the wedding feel truly, completely ‘magical’.”
The argument continued.
“I found this completely ridiculous and told her as much. That even though this was her wedding, expecting every guest to dress up a certain way was ridiculous.”
“We fought until I just left, and now both her and my parents are blowing up my phone.”
“I don’t think I even want to go anymore, let alone be a bridesmaid.”
“I find this ridiculous.”
“Was I TA for telling her that this was not a reasonable thing to ask of anyone, whether bridesmaid or guest?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out that the bride picking the bridesmaid was kind of how this all works.
“At both weddings I’ve been in, the bride picked the bridesmaid dresses (we all discussed and gave opinions but understood it was her choice).”
“Even before either wedding was ever in the works, I was under the impression that’s how it works when bridesmaid dresses match: the bride chooses, the bridesmaids wear.” – JuliaX1984
“I don’t think it’s the colors that bother her the sister said that they’ll only be able to choose from a few different dresses and suit options.”
“She’s upset that she can’t pick her own dress that fits the theme.” – Ok-Neighborhood-1600
“YTA. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s really typical for bridesmaids to pay for and wear the dress the bride chooses. It’s also fairly common to ask guests to dress in certain colors. Having a few very common color options is not a huge imposition.”
“It’s not your wedding and these are not huge asks. Stop giving your opinion.” – RemarkableCranberry7
“She won’t dress up for one day to make her sister happy on her wedding. She doesn’t really have an excuse to not do it and that makes her kind of an a**hole.” – Mondopoodookondu
“That’s pretty normal though? I was part of a wedding party and we all had to pick on type of tux and the groom/bride picked the color schemes. Even the bridesmaids had to all wear the same dress. They got to try them out to see what looked best on everyone, but it was ultimately the bride’s decision.” – IAMA_LongHorse
Others pointed out that no bridesmaid 100% looks like themselves at the bride’s wedding.
“OP can’t argue the cost, because she knew there would be a cost when she agreed to be a bridesmaid. And her make-up argument sounds quite dumb as well, it’s ‘Harry Potter,’ not ‘Shrek’.”
“I would imagine any ‘character make-up’ would still be quite normal make-up. In my head, I am imagining the dress and make-up from the Yule Ball.”
“I think OP is being unnecessarily dramatic. I think if she wanted to, she could easily find a way to participate in a way she still feels comfortable, OP is just unwilling to try.” – bloseja
“The sister does not seem to be one if these brides who go ‘cover your tattoos, you’re an embarrassment/color your hair brown, blue hair isn’t for weddings.’ It’s just a theme and I’m sure you can find a dress which fits and you also like.” – Spongiie
“This isn’t guests though, this is the bridesmaids. OP acts as if she would be fine with being told what to wear (as bridesmaids usually are) but then when they found out that it was Harry Potter dress themed said no. There are plenty of reasons to opt-out of being a bridesmaid due to the dress:”
“1. Dress too expensive and can’t afford it: ok to say no.”
“2. Dress is revealing and not comfortable with it: ok to say no.”
“3. Don’t like the color blue: AH reason to say no.”
“I feel like not doing the dress falls into the color example.” – Mystic_Jewel
“You forgot to clarify that if you don’t want to dress up, you don’t go.”
“It’s a costume party, and going without a costume won’t make people think, ‘we’re so immature and silly for doing this, we wish we did what OP did and dressed in boring formal attire like civilized adults are supposed to; she’s such a superior specimen worth admiring!'”
“All reactions (out loud or not) to going without wearing a costume according to the invite will be, ‘Wow, rude, much?’ or ‘What a lame outfit, couldn’t even get a costume for a costume party.’ Whatever statement you’re trying to make, OP, it will fail.”
“We all wear attire we don’t like at appropriate times. The only reason you’re so adamant about showing off your own style is you believe a fandom-themed wedding is ridiculous. Not your wedding, not your call. Your only option is to not go.” – JuliaX1984
But a few said the OP had the option to opt-out, though she should have done so sooner.
“I think it’s totally fair for OP to not want to dress up like one of the characters and bow out as a bridesmaid to just a guest instead.”
“But throwing a fit over the guest colors? Those super common colors that most people already own clothes in? Yeah OP needs to shut the f**k up on all that.” – ecstaticegg
“I think where OP could be the AH is that she shared her opinion on the theme. So ‘Harry Potter’ isn’t her thing, she didn’t need to tell her sister she thought it was ridiculous. She could’ve just kept her opinion to herself and declined politely.” – bethwandawong
“She has the right to not participate in a themed wedding be it ‘Harry Potter,’ Disney theme, ‘Shrek,’ Vampire, etc.”
“Your wedding isn’t a priority to others.”
“NAH – Sister wants a themed wedding and it’s ok, OP does not want to be part of a themed wedding and it’s ok too.” – Existing-Discount-96
“OP could politely say ‘Sorry, not my thing.’ OP chose instead to ridicule and insult her sister for the mere idea.” – Cent1234
While no one thought the OP had to love the theme of her sister’s wedding, at the end of the day, it was still her sister’s wedding rather than her own. If she wanted to be involved in her sister’s special day, as a bridesmaid or a guest, she would need to get comfortable in a themed outfit for a few hours.