Over the years, it sometimes can feel like Christmas present spending has gotten a bit out of control.
Times are rough for a lot of people this year.
The economy is down, and Christmas could financially tank a person.
So some people are planning to spend judiciously.
This option does not sit well with everyone who expects a gift.
Redditor NotWrongChristmasTA wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not giving individual Christmas gifts to my sister’s kids?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“To start off, my sister and I are not close.”
“Nothing happened.”
“I don’t think she’s a terrible person.”
“We are just two very, very different people and live very separate lives.”
“We text each other on birthdays, and call each other once around the holidays, and that’s it.”
“We live thousands of miles away from each other, and it’s been about 8 years since I’ve seen her and her family in person.”
“I don’t have kids, while my sister has always dreamed of a huge family, and she got her wish.”
“Between her and her husband, they have 9 kids between the ages of 2 and 16.”
“After my sister and her husband got married and the head count reached over 4, I decided to just start getting something for all the kids to share on Christmas.”
“Some years it’s been something for all of them to do, some years it’s been something like a gaming system.”
“I figured it was probably nicer to get one expensive gift that they probably wouldn’t have gotten rather than 9 cheaper ones.”
“My sister’s never said anything about it, although I don’t know how she really feels about this.”
“A week back, I got a surprise call from my sister.”
“She said money was super tight this year and was wondering if I could get all the kids something they can unwrap individually, instead of one big thing.”
“I asked her to send me their Christmas lists to see what that would look like.”
“Most of the kids asked for really expensive electronic items, totally well over 100 bucks a kid.”
“If I got everyone something from their list, that would come to well over $1000. I haven’t even met some of the kids, and I am not even part of a religion that celebrates Christmas, so I thought that was a ton of cash to drop.”
“I called my sister back and said, ‘Hey, I appreciate money is tight (because hello, it is she’s raising the next line up for the Braves- not that I said that) but I said I’m just not in a position myself to spend over a grand on Christmas gifts.”
“My sister got upset and said she just wanted to give the kids all something to open. I said I understood, but unless she was willing to let me know some cheaper options, I wasn’t able to spend that much.”
“We went back and forth for a while before she snapped and called me a jerk and hung up.”
“We haven’t spoken since.”
“I appreciate the position she’s in, but I just can’t justify spending that much on Christmas presents.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. The cynic in me thinks if you buy those gifts, the labels on them are coming off and getting replaced with ‘love from mum and dad.'”
“Do a combined gift, of get they something like pjs, a book, and a hot chocolate each, or an Amazon voucher each (at an affordable value), or just nothing because the level of entitlement from your sister is gross. She’s using you as a gift atm. The fact that you’ve never gotten a thanks or a photo of the kids playing with your gifts tells you all you need to know.” ~ Grouchywhennhungry
“I prefer separate gifts (but would never ASK for that). “
“The AH part is expecting OP to change their budget for it.”
“Some years, my kids haven’t got much from us to open (usually because we’ve wanted to get a bigger main gift that allows no room for stocking stuffers).”
“When they’re young and don’t understand value, it can feel a bit sad to unwrap less than a sibling.”
“Or it can feel a bit deflating when a sibling who is hooked on things that cost very little, to be ‘done’ with gift opening while lil sis is tearing open for 19th bag of rocks.”
“We love that grandparents like to gift smaller gifts that add to the unwrapping fun.”
“Especially when it’s off-the-wall stuff we wouldn’t have thought of.”
“We know it means each item is lower budget, and that’s fine!”
“When people ask for lists, we usually just give themed ideas (11 is really into fossicking and Wednesday, 15 loves baking, photography, and Digital Circus).”
“Or we will suggest a store for gift cards if that’s offered.”
“But I wouldn’t dare hand out a list of spendy items that give no leeway for smaller budgets.”
“I just can’t even. $100/kid for NINE KIDS? Nuh uh.”
“Sis’s response was telling.” ~ Spellscribe
“OP should get each of them a book and write an inscription in the front cover about why they like or liked that book, or just why they picked it out.”
“Don’t tell the sister and send them wrapped.”
“If she replaces the tags, she can explain to those who can read why her name was on OP’s gifts.” ~ MindOverMuses
“She chose to have 9 kids.”
“She should not expect someone else to carry the load at Christmas.”
“Even a $20 gift for each child will be $200.”
“Or so.” ~ PAGirl72
“NTA. It’s not up to her to dictate what gift you give and what value.”
“Maybe you should send her a box of condoms.” ~ Select_Pirate6571
“NTA at all.”
“Respectfully, they shouldn’t have had more kids than they can afford.”
“Downvote me if you want, but 9 kids is way too much.”
“I understand wanting a big family, but if you can’t even afford a big family, then you’re just being selfish.”
“Your sister is severely entitled to money and gifts that’re not hers, and that she’s not even obligated to.”
“Especially when you two aren’t even close, and you haven’t met half of her children.”
“She sounds like the type that if you were to send those gifts, she’d definitely put her name on it, to make it seem like she bought the gifts, and take the credit.”
“Beggars can’t be choosers, and I wouldn’t blame you if you opt out of sending any gift at all.”
“Your sister sucks, and she’s a major AH.”
“It’s absurd that she’s behaving so immaturely.”
“Save your money for yourself, or for someone who isn’t being so rude and entitled.” ~ OverKookie_Crumble
“At least in the present era, having 9 kids is almost certainly an AH move even if you can afford it.”
“There’s no way that each kid is getting individual attention, and unless they have teams of nannies and helpers, the older kids are almost definitely getting parentified.”
“Even if they have armies of nannies, that doesn’t mean each kid feels love and attention from their parents.”
“I get in the past there wasn’t effective family planning, or there was social pressure, or kids might not make it to adulthood, but doing what they’re doing in this era is an AH move.” ~ ErikLovemonger
“NTA. Having nine kids and complaining ‘money is tight’ and expecting a single person to pick up the slack is not it.”
“I wouldn’t buy anything after how she behaved.” ~ Purple_Shallot3731
“NTA. Asking for help is one thing.”
“Requiring you to spend $100/kid for NINE KIDS is outrageous.”
“Millions of kids would kill to open ANY gift on Christmas morning.” ~ lovewholly
“NTA. You were willing to buy her kids something to unwrap on Christmas Day, but you had an upper limit.” “She didn’t like your upper limit and called you a jerk and hung up!”
“She could’ve agreed to your budget.”
“Instead, she was rude.”
“That would be me done!” ~ Mullein55
“NTA. Get each of the children an age-appropriate book.”
“They aren’t too expensive, something to unwrap, the kids can read instead of being bored, and it’s good for their education.”
“Or smaller sets of Lego and Barbie Dolls.” ~ EuropeSusan
“NTA, you aren’t close, so she’s lucky you do anything at all.”
“If I were you, I’d tell her you’ll do what you can, and if it’s not appreciated, you can do nothing instead.”
“Her financial issues are not your problem or responsibility.”
“The fact that she doesn’t see an issue with her kids requesting expensive things and thinks you’re the problem would make me get each one a $10 gift card, and that’s it.”
“And I’d only do that because they’re kids and can’t help if their parents are awful.” ~ Exoquey
“NTA… like what?”
“If you don’t have the money to spend a grand on someone else’s kids, you don’t have the money.”
“There are so many great things for less.” ~ gyqu
“NTA. I can see asking for them to each have something individual to open if the items on the list were like $10-20 apiece, but asking family members to subsidize Christmas because she and her husband decided to have more kids than they could realistically afford is unreasonable.” ~ SaltySweetMomof2
“My sister has 6.”
“I cap it at 30 each; they get cash or a group gift, or I give it to their mum, she shops and shows me what I bought.”
“I could never spend 100 each, and she would never expect that.”
“Your sister is just getting a reality check on how expensive sh*t is. NTA.” ~ XtinaTheGreekFreak
“NTA. Her request is wholly inappropriate, and she sounds pretty entitled for someone who hasn’t taken an active interest in your life.” ~ GreenVermicelliNoods
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your sister is not thinking clearly.
That is an outrageous amount of money.
Times are tough, money is tight.
And even if times were better and money was growing on trees, this would STILL be an absurd request.
Keep it lowkey.
Happy Holidays!