People who expatriate to a new country always find themselves in for some sort of culture shock, no matter how much they prepare.
As there are bound to be certain customs, habits, or simple turns of phrase that take them by surprise.
Sometimes, they end up easily adapting to these differences, even taking some of them up themselves.
Other times, they wish they had never learned of them.
Redditor Naruto_is_my_hero was excited when work took her from her home in Eastern Europe to the United States.
Unfortunately, upon arrival, the original poster (OP) found herself getting off to a less than ideal start with her American colleague.
Particularly when he gave her a moniker that made her so uncomfortable, she felt the need to report him to her superiors.
Having some doubts about her decision in hindsight, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for getting my colleague in trouble for calling me his work wife?”
The OP explained why she ended up getting her colleague in some hot water at work:
“Some time ago I (29 F[emale]) was assigned by my European based employer to work on a project at our US location.”
“Part of my assignment was training a new hire within my special area of expertise.”
“This new guy is about 10 years older than me and hired for a management position, however he is in no way my superior as I take on more of a consulting role with the local team.”
“I noticed straight away that he is very outgoing and sociable, joking around a lot with his colleagues.”
“Quite different from the men I am used to as I come from a north-east European country where the male stereotype can only be described as ‘silent’.”
“He immediately took an interest in me and started jokingly flirting and complimenting my looks.”
“This made me uncomfortable since we are both married, and I felt it was very inappropriate.”
“It also made me feel as if he did not respect me professionally when comments like ‘you look so cute when you’re serious’ would interrupt my training sessions with him.”
“The assignment itself was a big deal to me and I wanted nothing more than to exceed expectations, which is why I was reluctant to bring this up and ‘create drama’.”
“I tried ignoring his behavior but the last straw for me was when he started calling me his ‘work wife’ openly in the office.”
“I understand that this term is used in a joking manner in US office culture, but we absolutely do not have anything similar in my home country and if word would get around back home about this, I would have to explain to my husband why some random man decided to call me his wife.”
“To avoid this, I decided I need to put an end to the casual flirting and jokes from this man.”
“I sat him down one-on-one and told him, in short, that he has to stop calling me his work wife.”
“He seemed like he understood but I was maybe being too ‘nice’ or vague in my approach towards him because he acted no different the following days.”
“This made me frustrated as I felt I now have to either go to my (and his) boss and risk this reflecting badly on my assignment or risk conflict in my marriage.”
“I ultimately decided that my marriage is more important than my job and told my boss about my issue.”
“Luckily my boss took me seriously and told me that he would handle it and to stop worrying about it.”
“I am not sure what went down after this but the flirting and the compliments from my colleague abruptly stopped.”
“I was relieved but I also felt that my colleague acted very cold towards me after this all happened.”
“I still successfully finished my training sessions with him and the assignment and relocated back home.”
“Now in retrospect I am wondering if I overreacted due to the cultural differences between the US and my home country.”
“Maybe what my colleague was doing was just normal social interaction and I acted like a complete a**hole getting him into trouble with our boss for mere joking?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for reporting her colleague after he called her his “work wife”.
Everyone agreed that if the OP’s colleague called the OP anything that made her uncomfortable, she needed to report it, agreeing that her colleague’s remarks were misogynistic and disrespectful.
“NTA.”
“He was acting unprofessional as hell.”- m1splacedfan
“Congratulations on both completing your assignment successfully and shutting down a creep who thought he could get away with sexually harassing you.”
“You’re a hero.”
“NTA.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA.”
“You did nothing wrong.”
“You approached this male colleague first and asked him to stop.”
“You were uncomfortable.”
“He did not stop.”
“That is harassment.”
“You did the right thing by reporting him.”
“I bet other women he works with thank you.”- Worth-Season3645
“NTA.”
“Terms like ‘work wife’ are and can be uncomfortable.”
“I am not European or American, but I would be uncomfortable with a man calling me his ‘work wife’, even if he and I were friendly.”
“You did nothing wrong — in fact, you did what you could in the right way.”
“You spoke to him in person first, then when that didn’t change his behavior, it definitely became harassment on his part, so you took it up the chain to your boss, who dealt with it.”- beneficialmirror13
“NTA.”
“From the US and I find the ‘work wife/husband’ routine to be at best cringe and at worst an attempt to cover or soften inappropriate behavior.”
‘And while not unheard of, it’s not like people are throwing those jokes around all over the place here.”
“You did the right thing by addressing it one-on-one first.”
“He only has himself to blame for the escalation to management.”
“Don’t sweat it.”- strangerfish2
“NTA.”
‘As an American who works in a corporate setting, calling someone a ‘work wife’ isn’t common part of US work culture.”
“I’ve heard of people saying it, and it’s always step 1 of finding out they’re having an affair together.”-AgnarCrackenhammer
“NTA.”
“He was sexually harassing you and creating a hostile work environment.”
“You did the right thing by informing your boss.”
“It’s such a typical male response for him to blame the victim rather than owning his actions.”
“It smacks of misogyny and entitlement.”- NotAFlyingToy74
“NTA.”
“’Work wife’ has 2 contests here in the US:”
“2 friendly coworkers with very little actual sexual chemistry who mutually joke and have spouses that know about it and also joke w them and tease.”
“Coworkers who are cheating on their spouses – either physically or emotionally.”
“Him using that after heavy and one-sided flirting is not appropriate even here.”
“Setting that aside, even if it were, you telling him very directly to stop in a 1-on-1 conversation should have resulted in him stopping.”
“End of.”
“Reporting him when he ignored your demand to stop was the right thing to do.”- AnyBioMedGeek
“NTA.”
“I’m a guy, and I had a female colleague make really personal comments about my appearance.”
“Whilst they were complimentary, they were also deeply uncomfortable and I regret not calling her out on it.”
“You’re a professional and your colleague is an idiot.”
“Not only that, he’s compounding his lack of professionalism by behaving like a child.”-borisslovechild
“NTA.”
“I’m an American and I think the work spouse thing is super cringey and disrespectful to actual partners, especially when it isn’t mutual in your senses of humor or conduct.”- lmchatterbox
“NTA.”
“I live in the US and this work wife crap drives me crazy.”
“It’s not cute it’s very disrespectful to women and unprofessional in my opinion.”- loveyou-first
“NTA.”
“Work wife/work husband stuff is childish and unprofessional.”
“He sounds like a loser.”- Lucky_Volume3819
“You told him to stop, he didn’t stop.”
“Escalating it was the correct response.”
“NTA.”- mdthomas
“NTA.”
“Even in America (or Canada), calling someone a ‘work wife’ or ‘work husband’ is entirely unprofessional, especially if one or both of the people involved are married.”
“Doubly so if one of them clearly and explicitly tells the other to back off.”- Expensive_Plant_9530
“NTA.”
“He was clearly making you uncomfortable with the flirting and in doing so, was objectifying you and diminishing your stature as a professional in front of others.”
“The ‘work wife’ thing is loaded.”
“I have a good friend who was close to a guy at work, they respected one another, and she referred to him as her work husband.”
“I assume he reciprocated, and I understand she was close to his wife.”
“But a lot of women would be truly offended by this moniker, and certainly, many wives would be be offended that their husband’s colleague thought of herself as much.”
“But again, you told him you didn’t like it, and he didn’t listen to you.”
“So, you are not at all the AH AND your boss is a champ for taking it seriously and handling it.”
“Good for you for speaking up!”
“I hope this empowers you such that you will continue to do so, not only on your on behalf, but whenever you see this kind of stuff happening to others.”
“Sometimes younger folks don’t realize that they don’t have to put up with this — so you are modeling excellent behavior here!”
“Brava!”- kandoux
A husband and wife have each other’s backs, treat each other with respect, and genuinely love one another.
In some special, exceedingly rare circumstances, it might be understandable for someone to consider a colleague a “work husband” or “work wife”.
For that to work, however, the feeling must be mutual.
And as the OP’s colleague did nothing other than make the OP uncomfortable, it’s safe to say this was not one of those rare occasions.