It can feel like our society is incredibly accepting of LGBTQ+ people, but that makes it all the more jarring when you’re reminded of how far we really have to go. A true out and out bigot can feel rare, but is more common than you’d ever like to think.
Redditor caughtin_thisnow’s grandparents are very homophobic, and this is causing an issue with the original poster (OP)’s gay brother. OP’s brother is now asking for help and OP doesn’t think they can help.
Now OP is questioning if they should put their own responsibilities aside and help. To find out, he’s asking the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about his situation.
“AITA for not giving my brother my college fund after he was cut off for coming out?”
This was what his grandparents did:
“My brother (18M) recently came out as gay and my grandparents, who are homophobic af like they don’t even hide it, didn’t take it well. My parents obviously support him coming out but my grandparents have cut him off financially.”
“See for all of us, my grandparents set aside separate college funds over the years. We don’t necessarily have to use it for school which was my case.”
“I (27M) had a son during my second year of college so I decided to get into an apprenticeship program instead and use that money for baby expenses and to save up for him.”
“My girlfriend and I are managing well working full time. We don’t touch that money at all unless it’s for him. Also incase there’s like a medical emergency or we don’t have the money to care for him, and a little something for him to use for himself once he’s older.”
“My brother knows I still have this money and he’s asking me to help invest in his future since it was always a given that our grandparents would pay for his college.”
“Our parents are well off financially so he wouldn’t receive much in terms of financial aid, but they don’t want to cover for college tuition because he’s ‘an adult now.’ My sister already graduated and used what was left over of the money to put a down payment on a house.”
“I’m really his only option and he’s desperate. Because I’m refusing my brother is calling me a traitor and it’s not fair for him to be cut off like this just because he’s gay. And I agree.”
“Nobody’s happy with my grandparents but we’re using this money for our son. He said he needs it now and I’m being completely selfish keeping this money to myself.”
“My sister agrees with him and that life’s been hard enough on him already because of this so the least I can do as his brother is help him get an education. AITA?”
On the AITA board, people explain their situation to the subReddit and their actions they took. They are then judged for what they did and whether it was right or wrong.
This is done with one of the following acronyms:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP doesn’t have to help his brother, and has another responsibility for which he plans to use the money.
While it’d be great for him to help, the board determined he was justified in not being able to give money to his brother.
OP is NTA.
“Your brother is in a sh**ty situation that is not of his doing.”
“You have a child to provide for and are making a responsible choice for their future.”
“He’s not an a**hole for seeking the help and you’re not an a**hole for prioritizing your child. Surely there are ways you can assist him other than dipping into your child’s college fund.” – 1msera
“Nta. I’m so sorry your brother is in this situation but you have a child and their priorities are first.”
“Your brother is still hurting and I understand how hard it is but he can’t demand it of you. Your sister is an ah for trying to guilt you.”
“Tell her the child is more important than her house and she can miss a few payments if she feels so strongly about it.” – LibuiHD
“NAH (you and your brother)”
“There has to be another way to help him, though. Maybe you can help him find grants and scholarships?”
“I also don’t understand why your parents won’t help at least a little, but you didn’t ask us to judge them in this, so you don’t have to explain.” – NemesisErinys
“NTA. You have dedicated your money to your child and as an emergency fund.”
“Your grandparents are enormous AHs for their treatment of your brother. Where are your parents in all of this?”
“I understand they regard your brother as an adult but both you and your sister received help. Why can’t they advocate for your brother to your grandparents or pay for his college?” – Walktothebrook
Other people questioned why the situation was purely on OP’s shoulders. While his story showed that of his siblings, he was the only one who still had his college fund, he wasn’t the only one in the family.
The ones really at fault are the grandparents, although not everyone is of the same opinion on the OP’s innocence.
“Your grandparents caused this. It’s not on YOU to fix it.”
“Honestly your parents are the ones who should be fixing this here, the whole ‘you’re an adult so suck it up’ position is BS.”
“Also, your sister is having an easy time spending your money, hmm? Maybe offer to split it. Sure she may have to sell her house and move, but that’s her problem.” – zippy_zaboo
“NTA. He is in no way entitled to your money. But … your parents need to step up big time.”
“Whole family should cut ties and go no contact with homophobic grandparents until they apologize for their behaviour. They should be shunned for their attitude toward their own grandchild.” – mikekingmoore
“ESH except your brother. It really seems like nobody gives a crap about your brother.”
“You don’t need to give him money but you and the rest of the family can help him in other ways. But it seems like nobody wants to do that either.”
“He just admitted to his truth to himself and others and just got thrown to the wolves.”
“I understand you have a kid and your sister has problems too, and your parents are a**holes but if he were my brother, I’d try and help him any way I could.”
“Especially if the parents are a**holes who no longer want to parent.”
“I don’t like the fact that your bro called you a traitor because you’re not. You’re not responsible for him however you still are his older brother and he needs help right now.”
“Whether that be financial help or just emotional help.” – anishinaabemay
OP’s brother is going through a lot, and it’s the time for his family to step up and help like you do with family. OP may not be able to give money, but there are other ways to assist.
Particularly, the family is just letting the grandparents control everyone. There may be nothing they can do, but someone needs to stand up to them.