Clean doesn’t mean the same thing for everyone.
One of my roommates insists on doing all dishes by hand first, then putting them through the dishwasher for a “rinse”.
Another has decided to run the thing if it contains more than four items and the idea of a pre-wash is madness.
Your dishes may vary.
What happens when a couple can’t agree on a baseline of clean?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Amazing-Ad5019 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for wanting to wash our bed sheets once per week”
A succinct query.
“Context:”
“I (30sM) shower every night and my partner (30sF) showers three times per week. We have a small dog that sleeps in the bed with us.”
“My partner thinks washing the bed sheets once per week is excessive, wasteful, and she doesn’t like making the bed from scratch (although I am the one who does the laundry and makes the bed).”
OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for wanting to wash the bed sheets once per week to sleep in a clean bed?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Commenters were confused.
“I need more information I think… what is she complaining about exactly? Is it the water usage? Cost?” ~ irreversible2002
“NTA.”
“You’re changing them and doing the laundry. Why is she b*tching?” ~ Top_Professor1592
“Seems to me like there’s a piece missing here – OP says they’re doing all the work but then asking if they’re being demanding and “outrageous with this request’”… “
“What request?”
“That he be allowed to change the sheets once a week?”
“I think OP either left out details about why she is objecting, he’s not actually doing it all, or him needing it done is causing some kind of other issue (e.g. he makes a big production out of it and doesn’t do other chores,)” ~ RavenWood_9
Alternate theories.
“Are you sure that she’s just not resenting the implication that somehow she’s not as ‘clean’ or ‘hygienic’ as him?”
“Actually say this as a woman who has five children (four still at home) and all the bedding gets washed once a week because it’s just about being clean…” ~ Competitive-Win-5587
“Or she doesn’t want to be made to feel guilty since he does all this extra stuff, and him being the one that cleans it makes her feel like she’s not doing enough.”
“But she doesn’t want to so she’s taking it out on him.” ~ AndarianDequer
“I was wondering if it’s about water conservation since she only showers three times a week” ~ Accomplished-Ad3219
“Honestly, I’m wondering if she’s disabled/ill/in pain.”
“Because I am mostly bed-or-housebound and cleaning the bed days absolutely suck because I have to set up somewhere else the entire day (no dryer), and it causes a LOT of pain, and obviously showers are hard for me as well due to my disabilities too.” ~ snailvarnish
“NTA everyone has their own tolerance for hygiene.”
“Your partner might be feeling like you are somehow calling her dirty by insisting that the sheets be washed every week.”
“I would discuss it with her to find out if this is really an issue or if its just one of those things you can agree to disagree on. Maybe theres more too it than her thinking it wasteful” ~ Own_Island3189
Hygiene!
“NTA.”
“Ah, basic hygiene habits are a good thing. Just show her an article about how dirty/bacteria-filled, etc. dirty sheets and pillowcases are; if it doesn’t gross her out, she’s questionable….” ~ Fairmount1955
NTA
“You’re gf is beyond unhygienic, and your bed is germfest.”
“Wash the sheets daily if you want. I personally can’t date anyone who chooses not to bathe daily. Like why? Why the aversion to being clean..is she 5?” ~ PresentationKey9253
“NTA.”
“Please consider all the sweat, hair, skin cells, ect that we shed on a daily basis.”
“Add in the fact your partner only showers 3x a week and your dog (who trots around outside in dirt and god knows what) sleeps with you both, and you’ve got a gross cocktail brewing in your bed.”
“Once a week would be a very good idea for you both.”
“If it’s true that you wash the linens AND put the bed back together appropriately, then your partner should have zero reasons to be upset or protesting.”
“Maybe she thinks you’re implying she’s dirty or gross?”
“If that’s the case, let her know that I, for as long as I have been able to do laundry, have always washed my linens once a week.”
“I wish you both an easy resolution.” ~ blueberry_vines
“NTA”
“I am female in my 30s and live with my partner, M(30s).”
“He showers every day. Sometimes even twice a day. He’s a sweaty boy. I shower every second day. I don’t sweat as much.”
“We also sleep with a small dog in the bed.”
“I am also way more hyper vigilant about waste, using excess water etc… than my partner.”
“Washing your sheets once a week is a necessity, not a flippant request. Between the body sweat, oils, dead skin, dog hair… it’s unthinkable to leave it for over 7-10 days max without washing it.”
“My partner leaves out the fresh sheets for me every Friday so I can do the changeover and wash the dirty sheets on the bed. He then will hang, dry and put them away for another week.”
“If you are the only one doing the washing and changing and putting away, I really can’t see the issue.” ~ squishygelfling
“NTA, kind of questioning your partner’s hygiene.”
“I can understand not shampooing your hair every night, but only showering maybe 3 times a week?”
“Yikes.”
“Btw I am also a shower-at-night person so you don’t get your sheets dirty.”
“I mean it seems counterintuitive to go to bed dirty, get your sheets covered in that funk, then continue to stew in dirty sheets until you decide to wash them.”
“Washing sheets once a week is normal and hygienic, more so if your partner is an occasional showered.” ~ PleaseCoffeeMe
Too clean?
“It’s actually not good for your skin to shower every day unless you’re doing hard workouts/labor on the daily. Some scientists and dermatologists even believe that it actually exacerbates BO to do so.”
“ETA:”
“Y’all. Just use common sense and your own personal preferences.”
“I’m not trying to tell anybody what to do or even what is objectively best, I’m just trying to point out that showering daily isn’t the end-all-be-all of good hygiene or even good physical health.”
“Just stop projecting your own subjective personal hygiene preferences onto others.”
“Someone who has a WFH desk job does not need to take the same amount of showers to feel, smell, and be clean as someone who works an outdoor manual labor job.”
“Someone who only does low-impact workouts 3x a week does not need the same amount of showers per week as someone who does high-impact cardio 6x a week.”
“And someone who showers every other day like OP’s partner is NOT automatically disgusting or unhygienic, and also probably has significantly healthier skin than those of us who shower daily.” ~ DumpstahKat
“If you enjoy taking lots of baths and showers, then, by all means, rock on.”
“I’m just addressing the folks that are accusing the GF of having hygiene issues because she doesn’t shower everyday.”
“I think sheets should be washed at least once a week, but having a human who showers every other day sleep in bed is normal for many people (who don’t stink) and is by no means filthier than sleeping with the dog -“
“The dog doesn’t shower everyday. All these nutty redditors need to get over themselves.” ~ schrodingers_bra
Some saw GF’s point.
“I’m going to say YTA.”
“Because she’s right, it IS wasteful, both environmentally and the money adds up. Find a compromise.” ~ Soup_and_death_grips
“YTA Washing costs money, and time. Don’t let your dog on the bed and need to wash much less. Great success.”
“Y’all have to much time on your hands to wash sheets every week.” ~ MeowMeowMeowenton
Others saw both sides.
“NAH”
“Even if it was excessive or unnecessary, you’re allowed to have that preference.”
“But all things considered, I actually agree with you that 1x per week is a good amount, just because you’re probably both sweating in your sleep and plus you have a dog in bed with you.”
“(Not that dogs are inherently dirty, just that unless it’s a hairless dog, it is probably leaving behind fur on the sheets.)”
“However I don’t see your partner as an AH either in this case unless they’re being rude about it. They have their preferences, too and that’s okay.” ~ sm0ltreegg
“NAH”
“You’re both kinda right.”
“Once a week is often and could be wasteful, but if you let the dog up there with you, then it’s probably needed.”
“I don’t know why so many people are up in their pants about your GF showering three times a week. I doubt she’s dirty enough to offset the effect of the dog.” ~ ALeafOrSomething
“NAH.”
“But you’ve got to find a compromise – washing your sheets every week does seem a bit excessive, on the other hand, a small dog DOES bring a lot of hair into the bed.”
“But it’s up to you to find the point where to meet.” ~ bstabens
The driving thought here is that there is a big difference between ‘clean’ and ‘sanitary’.
There are so many unknown factors here that it’s really hard to come down to a finite answer.
As evidenced by the disagreements above.
What sort of work do they both engage in?
Do they have strenuous hobbies?
How often does the dog shed?
Remember also that when arguing about the cleanliness of sheets, the real problem is likely not the fabric you put on your bed.