In the United States, a lot of emphasis is placed on female modesty while ignoring males’ potential discomfort. For example, women’s bathrooms always have stalls while many men’s restrooms offer limited privacy.
But everyone should have agency over their own body and who is allowed to see or touch their body—regardless of gender.
A father whose young son was uncomfortable with his nudity during and after a medical procedure turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Traditional-Put6216 asked:
“AITA for telling a group of women to leave my son’s hospital room so I could dress him in private?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My 9-year-old son Loren had his appendix removed this morning. He had a basic understanding of the surgery, but the only hang up he had was having to wear nothing but a hospital gown.”
“No socks or underwear.”
“When we got to the hospital room to get him prepped, he told his mom/my ex and her sister/his aunt to turn around or to leave when he had to undress. Obviously he was fine with my being there and needed help.”
“After the surgery, me, my ex, her sister, her 13-year-old niece and my 18-year-old son were in the recovery room. He were waiting for Loren to sober up and get discharged.”
“He started to come to and whispered to me that he wanted to put clothes on because he wasn’t comfortable wearing nothing but a gown in front of three girls.”
“At that same time, a female nurse came in to get his vitals and was talking to my ex. I asked if they could all step outside so I could help Loren get dressed.”
“They looked bewildered at my request. The nurse then said she’d help me dress him because my son was still a bit weak. I said no thanks. My teen son will help out.”
“She asked if I was serious by asking her to leave over this and I said yes. My son doesn’t feel comfortable getting dressed in front of four females.”
“The nurse said she’s been a nurse for years and has heard of anything so crass. I said you’re comfortable, my son isn’t and your being insensitive is what’s crass and clueless.”
“My ex said I was being dramatic. They left, and me and my other son got him dressed.”
“My ex called me and said that I owe her and everyone else an apology. I refused. I said if the roles were reversed then you’d have a very different opinion.”
“Also Loren has to take a bath for the next few days and she was crazy if she was expecting Loren to let her wash him or even be in the bathroom with him. It’s different with me or his brother or friends and I don’t have to convince her for me to be right.”
The OP added:
“For the record, the gown he was wearing was made out of paper. It wasn’t even cloth. My son was dying to get out of it. He was basically naked.”
“I don’t think my son would had minded a male nurse at all, but since me and my older son were there the thought of requesting a male nurse didn’t cross my mind.”
“I don’t know if they had a male nurse available at that moment because the nurse made a comment that they were short staffed, but all qualified. I wasn’t going to argue with her over who got to put on my son’s Minecraft underwear or zipped his hoodie.”
“It was a waste of my time. She did mention how she didn’t want him to get hurt with my dressing him and I said then you best let me handle it because he’ll fight you.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“My son wasn’t comfortable being dressed with his mom, aunt, female cousin and a female nurse in the room, so I asked them to leave.”
“They were offended and said i was being dramatic and should apologize.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Children, too, have the right to respect for their modesty from an early age. What’s more, 9 is an age when children definitely don’t feel like changing in front of a bunch of spectators.”
“This nurse was very unprofessional. As a healthcare professional, she had to be made aware of the need to respect patients’ modesty. This child was not alone, you were there to help him, so her presence was not necessary.”
“Thank goodness you were there to be your son’s voice. I really don’t understand the reaction of those in the room. If I’d been there, I’d have been uncomfortable violating the privacy of a 9-year-old child and I’d have immediately left.”
“Your request was perfectly reasonable and your son’s privacy is very important. Continue to protect him.” ~ Poncoso
“And if she were so concerned that a medical professional needed to be there to assist, she could’ve gotten a male nurse to step in.” ~ Book_81
“This would have been automatically suggested if it was a little girl and a male nurse.” ~ Puzzleheaded-Ad7606
“And all the male family members would have been shooed from the room if it had been a little girl.”
“Boys deserve privacy and their modesty respected, too.” ~ OkHedgewitch
“I’m an RN and I’d like to assure you that you are NTA. I find it very difficult to believe that no one has ever asked that nurse to give them privacy before, and even if true then it’s high time someone did.”
“Your ex also needs to lighten up. Your son is reaching the age where he isn’t going to want his mom seeing him naked anymore. It’s developmentally appropriate for him to seek more independence. She needs to let him grow up.” ~ IAmHerdingCatz
“That nurse was 100% out of line and I’d personally say something to the facility about her unprofessional attitude. She needs to learn some empathy for her patients, regardless of their age.”
“Your son was very clear in what made him comfortable and there was no reason for her to question you as his parent and make that snotty comment.”
“I’m just baffled that your ex and all the other females in that room thought it was appropriate for them to stay in a place where a a 9-year-old boy was dressing. He deserves the same respect for his privacy as any adult and damn skippy they’d be shooing any males out if he was a girl.”
“I’m a mom to 2 sons and it’s boy mom 101 at that age that they want their dad/another male if they need help. The whole bunch of them should be ashamed of themselves. I hope your son is healing well and you’re NTA.” ~ forgetregret1day
“I would definitely let the hospital know, gently, that you were unhappy with how the nurse conducted herself and suggest she get retrained on how to interact with patients.”
“Be clear that kids have rights to body autonomy and point out that if it were a little girl & a male nurse, they’d be up in arms!”
“Your ex & the family should take a step back and re-evaluate their conduct too. Don’t apologize. You’re protecting his right to decency & respect. NTA.” ~ Easy-Lobster9086
“NTA. Your son has every right to have people respecting his wishes. Your ex, the aunt, the RN, and anyone else that has a problem with this are clueless.”
“You are 100% correct. If it were a mother asking the father/uncle to leave the room for a female child, they’d fully expect you to get off your duff and get the hell out of the room ASAP without asking any questions.”
“As a parent of a 10-year-old, I respect my child’s request for me to not be in the room when they shower. If they need me, they can yell for me. It’s a small sign of respect that everyone deserves.” ~ SigSauerPower320
“NTA. As a male nurse it’s drilled into you to get consent and to be aware of the male nurse/female patient dynamic. The female nurses around me seem absolutely oblivious to the problem some men will have with women helping with personal care—totally oblivious!”
“Millennials and younger definitely have more of a problem with opposite sex assistance, so it’s about time female nurses got on board and became aware.”
“I had a young patient (17, I think) in the bed next to me in ITU once. My female colleague offered him a wash, and he sort of awkwardly said ‘OK’.”
“Then she turned to another female colleague and asked for help. You could see the apprehension written on the poor boy’s face from miles away.”
“I stepped in and suggested to my colleague that he might prefer my help. Suddenly the 17-year-old spoke very quickly ‘Yes! Yes please!’.”
“So I called over one of my male colleagues and we proceeded to help the poor lad. He was ever so thankful we stepped in.” ~ Major-Bookkeeper8974
The OP added an update about his son’s health.
“I did have to take him back to the hospital this morning because he couldn’t pee but had to. He was in a lot of pain.”
“At the hospital, I àsked if a nurse was going to see my son before or after his male doctor and they said yes. I asked for a male and they said they’d ask the head nurse.”
“She asked why it was so important to have a male nurse. I told her we can schedule an appointment to fight over it after my son sees the doctor.”
“They did find a male nurse and my son was totally relaxed around him. The male nurse said a lot of female nurses take it personal when patients ask for a male nurse and it’s always been that way.”
“Fortunately my son didn’t need a catheter and is fine.”
The patient’s comfort should be everyone’s primary concern.
People appreciated that the OP put his son’s wants in front of any adults’ hurt feelings.