Young boys finding their way to adulthood are stuck in a weird time.
They have very little fundamental understanding of their bodies.
In the end it's up to the adults to help impart learning.
Even though it's uncomfortable.
Case in point...
Redditor BasisTight9553 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for telling parents I'm not picking up their kids unless they put on deodorant?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I work from home so I have the luxury of being able to do pick ups and drop offs for my son and his friends (mostly 10)."
"Right now they are doing sports camp so they are super sweaty when I pick them up."
"I told them all that they smell like armpits and it goes over their heads."
"Or they said they do use deodorant or they took a shower in the morning or laugh."
"The issue is that they all smell."
"My son uses deodorant and I don't think some of his friends do."
"I sent a friendly text to some of their parents to remind their boys to wear deodorant because they are smelling up my Audi."
"Either the parents didn't respond or mocked me for being a dad and not being able to tolerate a couple of sweaty boys."
"I'm about to tell them that I'm not picking up their kids over it."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It's a tricky situation.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"NTA. My son had one friend that smelled so bad it was like someone had hidden rancid chicken soup under a seat in 105 degree weather."
"I would insist on having the windows down even in the middle of the winter."
"Parents need to police that s**t, it's nasty." ~ Bryllya
"Ugh, I'm gagging at the thought."
"I actually have a similar story-- for my work, we have to camp for a week at a time, and we're doing dispersed camping."
"So no campgrounds, limited water, though we always have enough that if people choose to do so, they can use a bag shower to clean themselves just fine."
"Anyways, one of my coworkers (who is also just an awful person all around, sexist, doesn't respect women's boundaries or knowledge, doesn't even know how to do his job properly, etc) wouldn't wear deodorant."
"Like at all."
"And again, we were camping, hiking all day, and it was still fairly hot during the days."
"Finally we're going home and I was driving and he was in the car with me in the passenger seat."
"And he kept putting his arms up and behind his head."
"So I had to smell his stench while I was driving and trying not to gag, and we were on highways so if we opened any windows the wind would have been too much."
"And because I'm professional, I didn't feel like I could say anything in the moment."
"I was sooo grateful that it was just a 6 hour drive and not a 9 or more one, I think I would have hurled otherwise."
"That's a reminder for everyone, wear deodorant, even if you don't believe you smell, cause you adjust to your own smell and you really can't tell." ~ SkySong13
"Another PSA: Don't just use regular deodorant, use antiperspirant deodorant."
'It keeps you from sweating too much, whereas regular deodorant just covers up the smell."
"You may have to re-apply once or twice during the day."
"If you are allergic to aluminum (the active ingredient in antiperspirant) then put some antibacterial hand sanitizer in your armpits."
"Contrary to popular belief, body odor is not caused by the sweat itself, but by the bacteria that grows in the sweaty pits."
"So, by killing the bacteria at its source, you eliminate the odor." ~ Exciting-Ant4077
"NTA. There's a special place in heaven for 5th grade teachers—their classrooms REEK."
"My parents made me wear deodorant at that age and they should too." ~ ActingGrad
"When I was in 5th grade, we had this teacher who had a deodorant palace in the supply closet attached to her classroom."
"She'd just pull the smelly kids aside, briefly explain the issue, and send them in to pick out something to keep."
"I wonder how much worse that school would have smelled without her." ~ Thermohalophile
"Boys at that age smell like wet dirty dogs it's the absolutely worst smell and I agree those teachers are saints."
"Maybe carry deodorant or even some body spray with you and make them spray themselves a little.'
"Because a little axe or most teen body sprays go a very long way…" ~ mortgage_gurl
"Haha this reminds me of my 7th grade teacher… first day of school she spent the whole hour lecturing us on personal hygiene even though it was a math class."
"If you stank she'd make you sit outside while she sprayed your desk with Apple cinnamon Glade."
"More than a decade later and my notebook from that class still smells like apple cinnamon."
"NTA, they should totally practice better hygiene and they're not entitled to being picked up by you."
"But also some car air fresheners might help with the issue too." ~ Duckington_Wentworth
"This really is the age were they start to be smelly."
"Sometimes no amount of morning showers or deo help."
"My daughter is 12 and it's something with the hormones or something, because she can be really smelly."
"Same for her friends. Despite regular showers and deodorant."
"I gave her an extra one to use after sports, doesn't always help enough."
"Can't they take a shower at the camp?" ~ haasje83
"Man, reading some of these comments - I would not want to travel on public transit with some of you with how you're so relaxed about others being stinky!"
"NTA. Maybe come armed with baby wipes and deodorant or anti-perspirant for them to use."
"The anti perspirant is probably what they actually need as deodorant just covers up the smell."
"It doesn't prevent the issue from occurring." ~ codeverity
"NTA. My S[ister] I[n] L[aw] used to teach 10-11 year old boys and made no bones about telling them they were at an age where they got stinky and needed to shower at least once a day (or more) and wear deodorant."
"The attitude your sons' friends' parents have is bizarre."
"They should be teaching their sons not to stink!" ~ HanaBothWays
"I have 2 sons and I used to be friends with a lady who also had 2 sons who were a few years older than mine."
"I remember her saying that boys reach an age where they smell like a goat and she was so right!"
"For mine it was when they were about 9 years old."
"We constantly had to remind them to use soap when they took a shower and use deodorant."
"If they stunk, they were sent right back to the shower."
"We don't play with personal hygiene in this house."
"They are both adults now. NTA OP."
"They need to be taught to take care of their bodies." ~ CampClear
"NTA; that is freakin' gross and is going to leave a lingering body odor smell in your car."
"Mocking you is also a *ick move on the parents part; like seriously?"
"If your kid stinks GET THEM SOME HYGIENE PRODUCTS."
"No one wants to smell that and to mock someone doing your family a big kindness by taking your kid home…. talk about biting the hand that feeds you."
"Serves them right if you do shut that down." ~ holycorncob
"NTA. That's a lot of people who didn't teach their kids about personal hygiene and how to bathe correctly because in another comment, I think you said the kids shower at camp?"
"So it sounds like these kids aren't bothering to use soap."
"I don't think it's unreasonable to expect all your passengers to be relatively hygienic whether you drive an Audi or a hoopty."
"Give everyone a baby wipe or even an antibacterial hand wipe and refuse car access until each stinky kid rubs the wipes on his armpits."
"It won't erase the body odor but should take some of the edge off the stank."
"They also make deodorant wipes but I don't see the point in applying deo on unwashed pits; it's like mixing poop with roses."
"Talk to the camp and ask if they will have a talk with the whole group about personal hygiene and why it's important to scrub from head to toe, especially after playing sports."
"It prevents/reduces body acne, smells, skin irritation, and body odor."
"I don't know if they'll actually do that but it's worth a shot."
"In my circle, I would not have to mince words with any stinky kids and would say, 'Guys, the next time I pick you up, you need to be showered.'"
"'That means using soap all over, especially on your armpits and privates. That's basic hygiene and it is non-negotiable."'
"If I'm driving you around, I'm obviously in your village, and if I'm in your village, I'm teaching/reinforcing the things your parents have been trying to instill in you."
"The kids in my life take it more seriously if it comes from someone other than their own parents."
"I also wouldn't hesitate to make a kid in my care bathe at my house."
"Worst comes to worst and the boys continue to be stinky, you can decide it's not worth the discomfort and simply stop carpooling."
"I wouldn't give the parents a reason, they already know, just a breezy 'Hey heads up, I won't be able to pick up the kids anymore."' ~ needyourchanclas
Well OP... smells like Reddit is whiff you on this topic.
It is always good to practice good hygiene
And it's imperative the following generations understand as well.
Good luck getting it all under control.















Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.