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Parent Kicks Partner’s Dad Out Of Daughter’s Birthday Party For Refusing To Take His Shoes Off

Man tying dress shoe laces
Timbicus/GettyImages

Every household has different rules each member of the family has to abide by, and these protocols can also extend to visitors.

Families with different cultural backgrounds can have specific rules and customs that are followed and respected, and when a line is crossed, it can lead to uncomfortable scenarios.

This applied to an individual who caused drama over an incident at their child’s birthday party, when many guests were visiting to celebrate.

After a confrontation about an issue pertaining to house rules went south, they visited the “Am I the A**hol?” (AITA) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.

There, Redditor Rreirarei asked:

“AITA for kicking out my partner’s dad (and family) from my daughter’s birthday party?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I kicked them out because they refused to take off their shoes as it’s a celebration at our house.”

“For backstory, it was my daughter’s first birthday. My partner is white and I am asian. It has been the norm in our household to keep shoes off when we’re at home and we also wear indoor footwear/slippers.”

“I have always kept spa slippers for guests in variety of sizes in case some are not comfortable in going barefoot. I have always kept my house clean and have always maintained outdoor shoes/footwear off when inside our house.”

“Not only does it makes cleaning floors easy, the thought of carrying germs inside is gross and scary to me. It’s also a cultural norm for us as well to keep shoes off as a sign of respect to the owners of the house.”

The OP continued:

“Now my daughter’s birthday has come. The first few guests have arrived and has taken cue that shoes should be off and I’ve offered spa slippers and some were happy to wear them and some just went barefoot inside.”

“Now my partner’s dad and his fiance arrived along with their children (His parents are divorced). And they went straight in with their filthy shoes on. Like really gross looking shoes, that were not clean looking and you can see the dirt sticking to my tiles.”

“I told my partner to tell them to take off shoes please because the other guests were happy to comply and thought they would do the same. Well they didn’t do that and just kept walking around inside with the shoes on and stepping on the rugs and mats with it.”

“I politely asked again, but his dad grunted and said ‘our shoes are clean, we always wash them weekly’ I pointed out the dirt on the floor and he said it’s the dirt from when they walk on our front yard so its mainly part of our house.”

“I explained again that kids and most especially his grandchild crawls around our floor and since it’s her birthday to just take their shoes off the mat where she crawls.”

The situation didn’t improve and it developed into another drama.

“This time he seems offended and started with why I am making such a big deal out of wearing shoes inside when it’s a party anyway and I’m ruining such an important day because I could not bend a little rule for one day. And it’s white people culture to not take their shoes off anyway.”

“That’s when I lost it and said they can get out of my house if they can’t do a simple request. And they left and my partner said I should’ve just let it go since they travelled quite far to come for our daughter’s birthday and I’m an a**hole for not being considerate for only one day.”

“So AITA?”

The OP wanted to clarify a few things before getting into judgments. 

“Posted this on comments: Before having our baby, when they used to visit they know we have a shoes off rule at our old apartment. My partner has always pointed this out to them but I would not make a fuss because they only see us on occasion – like maybe once/twice a year.”

“This time though, we moved to a bigger house and I have a one year old that crawls around and it’s mainly because there are other babies and kids too especially in the play area. I was adjusting to the thought that they can wear shoes then on other areas of the house except on her playmat (it’s a very large foamy/soft playmat that covers most of the room) but they didn’t want to follow on that either.”

“Even their children hasn’t taken off their shoes when they started to hung out with the other kids to play and that’s where the blow-up happened. He wanted to hand my daughter their gift in the playroom when we also have a designated area to put the gifts.”

“And people commenting about the slippers: they are those disposable spa slippers(bought off at amazon like $10 for 20pcs) that I threw out once used except for my usual guests which are my close friends who now has their own slippers marked in my house.”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.

“NTA. As a Canadian I’m baffled how some countries don’t take their shoes off when you go into a home.” – No-Tourist-8300

“American here and it depends heavy on the person; I have some friends where shoes get removed, and some that don’t. I never ask someone to take their shoes off in my house, but I generally take my own off.”

“But you know what sounds gross? Going to someone’s house and not complying with a simple request to remove your shoes. It takes no effort, and not doing it is just being a jerk because you can be; there’s no negative.” – booch

“That’s the thing. I’m a white American and I know some households where they take shoes off, some households where they don’t … but I don’t know anybody who would *refuse* to take shoes off if asked by the host, especially if they were offered clean spa shoes or anti-slip socks to use.” – Wynfleue

“White American.”

“I don’t remove my shoes. My family never removed our shoes. I suspect it’s because we come from an area of the country that has a long history of being people too poor to afford shoes and so there is dislike of being barefoot. Either way it’s so ingrained in me to NOT be barefoot that I have no problem with people wearing their shoes inside or putting their shoes on my couch, bed, whatever.”

“Asking people to remove their shoes is very strange to me on term of ‘i intellectually understand but is so removed from my lived experience as to be confusing’. although if someone comes from a culture where they dislike wearing shoes indoors, I certainly don’t mind if they remove them for their own comfort.”

“HOWEVER. And this is MASSIVE however.”

“When I’m in someone’s house, I am their guest. If they inform me that their culture values removing my shoes, I remove my shoes. If they tell me they just prefer their guests be barefoot, I remove my shoes. If they hint at wanting me to be shoeless, I ask if they want me to remove them.”

“Honestly, if I got to someone’s house and they ask me to put on a tutu I’d probably do it. Your house, your rules for the most part. I might not think to take them off, but if you remind me, I’ll happily comply.” – SquadChaosFerret

“Mexican-american here. I was raised in mexico and nobody i knew would take off their shoes at home. We always had windows wide open and screen doors, so dust would always blow in. There is also this belief that walking barefoot on cold floors will make you sick. Given that most houses are made of bricks with tile floors, we’ll the floor was always cold.”

“Back here in the US I’d walk home wearing my shoes, but I’d take them off and get my slippers or be barefoot as soon as I got to my room. I lived with my sister and her family in SOCAL, so it was dusty due to the dry dirt outside and wind, but we had carpet, so we’d vacuum often.”

“Now I’m living with my partner in oregon. Our apartment barely gets any dust due to having actual grass growing outside and the gentle breeze that blows here, not to mention the rain. So we both take off our shoes at the entrance and he walks around in his socks. I use either slippers or sandals that are indoor only.”

“So yeah, the shoe thing is both cultural and environmental. However, the OP is NTA because her house = her rules. As simple as that.” – Roostroyer

Overall, Redditors sided with the OP and believed their decision to kick out their partner’s father was warranted, especially after he refused to cooperate.

While some expressed they don’t personally follow the same protocol in their home, they thought the father was rude for disrespecting the OP when he and his family were an invited guest.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo