When a couple makes the decision to have children, it is generally done with the agreement that they are in this together, and raising the child will be a team effort.
Even so, there will be times when each parent will need to take care of their children on their own.
Even when they’re both in the same place, sometimes one parent will just need some coverage.
Redditor Ok-Air1597 and her husband shared two children and had an agreement on running the household that seemed to make them both happy.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s husband sometimes had trouble keeping his end of the bargain on one particular task.
When the OP finally confronted her husband on this issue, he was anything but understanding about her concerns.
Wondering if she had been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITAH for making my husband solo parent for 30 mins a day.”
The OP explained why their husband was testing her patience:
“So I’m 30 F[emale] and he’s 34 M[ale], we have two kids, 1 and 2 years old.’
“I work from home part time, 12pm-5:30pm Monday through Friday.”
“I also watch our two kids. In the morning they get all my attention, and it’s not too bad, but in the afternoons after their naps when I’m trying to work, keeps them entertained and taken care of it’s quite difficult.”
“We’re actively working on a different solution, but this is what we have to do now.”
“My husband comes home right around 5:30 when I get off, and I immediately start getting dinner ready.”
“I hate laundry and he hates cooking so we have an agreement that I do all the cooking and he does all the laundry and I don’t mind at all.”
“The only thing I ask is for him to watch the kids and keep them out of the kitchen for 20-30 mins while I get dinner ready for us all.”
“It’s always a struggle for him, and I know he’s tired after working all day too, but I really need to be able keep them out so they’re safe and I can get it done.”
“He usually asks for help, when one is fussing or he has to go to the bathroom or whatever.”
“Tonight, I was in the middle of cooking, hands dirty, stove and oven on, and he asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy.”
“I told him no, that I do this all day by myself AND work, and all I need is 20 minutes to cook for everyone.”
“He got really upset at this, saying that’s not fair cause I am home now and I can stop for 5 minutes to help.”
“I finally caved and helped, but I feel like it’s not that much to ask for 20-30 minutes to cook.”
“I want to add that any other time we’re both home we work together letting each other have breaks, time to relax, and both help play and take care of them, the care is very evenly split when we’re both home.”
“So AITAH for initially refusing to help my husband with our kids while trying to cook?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making his husband watch the kids solo.
Everyone agreed that even coming home from work, the OP’s husband should be able to handle watching the kids while she cooked dinner, with many finding his inability to do so a possible cause for concern:
“NTA.”
“That’s not solo parenting.”
“Thats just parenting.”
“It sounds like he leaves you with the kids a hell of a lot more than 30 mins a day.”- thesweeterpeter
“NTA.”
“He can handle his own children for 30 minutes.”
“Holy hell, the weaponized incompetence.”
“He should be embarrassed.”- bippityboppitynope
“NTA,”
“It’s literally a half hour.”
“What kind of self-respecting parent can’t manage their own kids for a few minutes unassisted?”
“‘when one is fussing’.”
“He can learn how to get them to settle or deal with a half hour of fussing.”
“‘he has to go to the bathroom’.”
“Why not go to the bathroom right when he gets home so he’s in good shape to do his part?”
“These issues are all things that teenage babysitters manage to navigate. I think a 34-year-old can figure it out, so your kids aren’t underfoot while you’re trying to cook the whole family dinner.”
“If he needs 20-30 minutes to fold laundry, you can return the favor.”- messy_tuxedo_cat
“’He asked if I could help change one of the kids while he held the other cause he was being fussy’.”
“Oh for Pete’s sake!”
“There was absolutely no reason he couldn’t put the fussy child into a playpen or equivalent, and change the diaper.”
“NTA but his incompetent act is childish.”- Sifiisnewreality
“NTA.”
“That’s not even being a solo parent for 30 mins.”
“Being a solo parent is taking care of the two kids WHILE cooking the food you are going to feed them dinner.”
“That’s solo parenting.”
“I know……because I’m a solo parent and I do it every day.”
“He can certainly see and care for his own kids for 30 mins a day while someone else is cooking him a nice meal.”- Okdoey
“NTA.”
“Those are his kids, too.”
“It sucks to parent two tiny kids simultaneously by yourself.”
“Sometimes parenting sucks, and he needs to be a full parent, not a helper.”
“You need to start taking some Saturdays away from your family, leaving your husband alone with the kids.”
“He needs to get comfortable with parenting–and to understand how insane it is that you’re doing it WHILE working.”- Bubbly_Chicken_9358
“Cooking and preparing food IS part of parenting, so… he is not even solo parenting.”
“So absolutely NTA.”- Nalpona_Freesun
“That’s not solo parenting.”
“He needs to do regular bloody parenting.’
“If he can’t handle two toddlers on his own, he’s pathetic and should be ashamed of himself and PRACTICE more instead of getting upset at you.”
“NTA.”- hardly_ethereal
“NTA.”
“He is perfectly capable of handling his two children alone for 20-30 minutes a day.”- EfficiencyForsaken96
“NTA.”
“This is just sad, what a pathetic father.”
“After an incident like that, does he ever acknowledge how hard your days must be?”
“The same two squirmy kids plus trying to do a job?”
“Sorry, but is he ever alone with his children?”
“Does he take them for an afternoon so you can do something for yourself.”
“You’re a mother of 3, good luck.”- Laines_Ecossaises
“NTA.”
“So you’re balancing watching your children solo while working?”
“That by itself is a major problem, but sounds like you’ve got a solution to that coming up.”
“I totally understand your husband wanting a little break after work, but when is your break?”
“You’re working all day too, watching the kids AND working.”
“You manage all day with both kids without any help from him, he can manage for 20-30 minutes.”
“All that being said, I think having two toddlers is extremely difficult for both parents.”
“You’re in survival mode, and things will get easier.”
“I’m glad to hear you guys aren’t having a major argument over this and are communicating well.”
“Keep that up and remind yourselves that this phase will pass and things will get a lot easier!”
“Hang in there to both of you.”- bokatan778
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how her husband initially responded when he saw all the Reddit comments, until things took a very unexpected turn…
“Yes he has obsessively read all of the comments, at first he was understanding and apologized, but now he’s doubling down.”
“I’m sure he’ll see this comment too, but it’s the truth.”
“He doesn’t agree that I should stand by while my kid cries, he doesn’t understand that I need some time to just focus on cooking, it’s not only for their safety, but it gives me a chance to unwind.”
“I don’t know where to go from here.”
“We’re even more in opposition since this post was made.”
“I appreciate all the support, suggestions, and comments.”
“Not sure how to proceed.”
“Also, this is his Reddit account, and I didn’t realize he had made a post a while ago about his ex-girlfriend, which is interesting because I don’t know if he fabricated the timeline, but it doesn’t match up to when we were dating.”
“I had already had our second kid and we were married several years when he made that post, but I am not paralyzed that was his ex And I didn’t even know they dated that long or about to be engaged plus he knew she was injured on that trip, so I’m all confused… so maybe I’ll do another update later.”
It’s dismaying, to say the least, that the OP’s husband was unwilling to handle his children for 20 minutes.
Though not as dismaying as the fact that he saw the way the Reddit community responded, he then doubled down on his behavior.
Based on the OP’s update, however, one can’t help but wonder how stable the OP’s marriage is…