The words consent and content have only one letter difference between them, but since the advent of social media, they’ve been linked in other ways.
Most states have one or two party consent laws when it comes to being recorded—either audio or video. The laws were primarily enacted to block things like wiretapping and recording videos for legal (or sometimes illegal) purposes.
But content creators often ignore such laws, maintaining that anything in their vicinity is fair game to be recorded and posted online. People are routinely photographed or filmed to be mocked online for their appearance, activities, words, or behavior.
On platforms like TikTok, once one person shares content that gets attention, others pile on hoping to get their own reactions.
A man who suspected his date planned to use their first meeting to create social media content turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Ok_Sprinkles_5245 asked:
“AITAH for quitting a date on the spot?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 32 and it was my first date with a 27 years old woman.”
“It was dinner at a patio style restaurant and it was going well. I didn’t like she put her phone on the table as soon as she arrived but, she wasn’t checking on it, so whatever.”
“Issue was drinks and appetizers arrived and I moved her phone to give the waitress some space.”
“The recording app was running and I reacted in shock: ‘why the f*ck are you recording this?’ Then stood up, paid and went home.”
“She is now calling me an a**hole and abusive over social media. Her main points is that I left her there when we had previously talked about me giving her a ride back home after the date.”
“And also, rude as hell for raising my voice and using swear words. Which OK, I did, but it was a shocking experience and I really think it was a natural reaction.”
“AITAH?”
The OP later added:
“To everyone asking, this happened in the greater LA area. I know California is a two party consent state, but as a brown Latino immigrant, I’d rather not have the police involved, specially not these days.”
“She said it was for safety. I guess she would have also secretly recorded me on the ride home. But yes, it doesn’t make much sense to me either.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not wrong to object to being recorded without their consent (NTA).
“NTA. You aren’t her content. Recording your date is a sign that she doesn’t fully understand consent.”
“And if she was worried about her safety in a public space, why would she get in a car alone with you?”
“I think a lot of people somehow think the fact that they are recording something gives an element of protection that it really does not.” ~ Sherifftruman
“Filming doesn’t protect, it just documents. There’s a subset of ‘influencers’ who secretly film their dates to post to their social media, often making fun of their date in the process. I suspect that was the case here.” ~ teresajs
“NTA. There is simply no good reason she could give why she recorded you.” ~ Realistic-Major4888
“Being recorded wouldn’t prevent you from hurting her. It would just enable consequences for you (if the recording were found).”
“Normal people don’t do this, you dodged a bullet.”
“You meet in a public place, so there’s some built in safety there. She could have had a friend nearby, or ready for a check in. She certainly shouldn’t have agreed to get in your car without knowing you.”
“She’s crazy.” ~ W0nderingMe
“And not telling the person you’re recording ‘for safety’ provides no deterrent. It’s why security cameras are placed in plain view.” ~ aqaba_is_over_there
“NTA. I don’t get why commenters are hung up on you raising your voice and cursing. I am also a woman, I think her recording your date is bonkers, and that your response was normal and not ‘abusive’ like she’s trying to claim.” ~ musiicalsoulz
“Not to mention if a guy was secretly recording a woman they would not care what she said or did in response.” ~ snoodle908
“He has all the right to say whatever he wants. It’s wild for anyone to judge how he reacted (unless it was with violence). As a woman I wouldn’t blame him for dropping every cuss word invented!” ~ BubblesofWar0
“Also a woman and I agree. If I noticed that my date was recording our entire conversation, my reaction would be ‘what the fuck are you doing? What’s wrong with you?’.”
“Her lying and saying it’s for ‘safety’ is really annoying too. It’s for social media content and that’s so pathetic. NTA.” ~ RichCaterpillar991
“I think raising the voice is totally the right reaction. Make sure people around you witness what is happening. Like others here, I think she was trying to create content, and by raising his voice, he made it very hard for her to spin it.” ~ SchwarzeMira
“Reacting to abuse is not abuse. She violated boundaries and in many places it’s a criminal offense to record someone.”
“That’s why call centers always say they are recording ‘for quality purposes’. Personal privacy is pretty much dead post-9/11 and post-social media, but it still remains true that you have a certain expectation of privacy.”
“Abusers will do something f*cked up and when you react they call you abusive. Gaslighting 101.” ~ Wallaby8311
“NTA. It’s so disrespectful to record someone in a private context like that. I’m a girl and I would have react just like you did.”
“You were suppose to drive her back home, but it was before learning she was a psycho. I will feel in danger with somebody recording me without my consent, so of course I will not drive this person anywhere!”
“And she says it’s for safety reason (I don’t really see how it is supposed to protect her) but it can also be for making fun of you with her friends after the date. Or to blackmail you after you said something sensitive. So avoiding this deranged person seems the safest option.” ~ Kirjavadakedavra
“NTA. I would quit a date on the spot if someone was recording me, too. And no, I would not take her ALONE in my car. She can take an Uber home. Deciding that the date is over and you’re not giving her a ride is not ‘abusive’.”
“Also, raising your voice and saying ‘why the f*ck are you recording this?’ is also not abusive. Not nice, but not abusive. It’s a reasonable thing that if you’re surprised by something, you’re going to react to it.”
“It’s not like you grabbed the phone and threw it at her or smashed it on the ground. THAT would be abusive. Assuming all you did was in a louder than normal voice say ‘why the f*ck are you recording this’ you are NTA.”
“If you live in a state where both parties have to consent to record, then what she did was illegal. If you’re so paranoid about safety that you feel like you have to record your dates, you’re not ready to date. Go get therapy, lady.” ~ NYCStoryteller
“Let’s normalize walking away because something doesn’t sit right. Please stop questioning if you were the a**hole.” ~ Little_Fig5267
“some people are desperate to upload sh*t every single day, even if they have nothing going on in their life. so much so that they will go out of their way to create drama so they can either pretend they are a victim or pretend they have been upset or insulted in some way.”
“this isn’t unusual and accounts for probably a decent chunk of ALL social media content that isnt made by AI or bots.”
“a LARGE number of people are just that deperate for engagement and attention from random people on the internet. and it’s so common that now i generally default to assuming things are bullsh*t, until actual proof and context have been provided.” ~ Glittering-Draw-6223
“NTA, that was weird as F and pretty twisted to record your conversation in the middle of a restaurant. It’s bizarre that she felt the need to record you in the middle of a restaurant ‘for safety’ but then expected to get into a car alone with you for a ride home.”
“Yeah, I’m not buying it. Someone that worried about safety would never get into a car with a stranger on a first date. I’m not paranoid enough to record conversations and I would never get in a car with someone I don’t know well.”
“You were fine to walk out. You dodged a bullet here my friend.” ~ Amazing_Reality2980
“She was content farming. She was waiting for something off color to happen on the date to post it. Zero doubt. Why else would she be recording?”
“It’s not a ‘safety concern’, it’s a content concern. Plus she figured she’d get a free meal and drinks out of it before detonating the ‘date’ on the ride home.”
“That’s why she got so upset about the arrangement to give her a ride home going out the window… she had a plan. You muffed that plan up by walking. Consider yourself lucky, man.” ~ Fun_Bit7398
Regardless of the legality of her actions or her real reasons for recording, no one is obligated to donate their time to a disastrous date.