It’s not uncommon for newlyweds-to-be to make certain requests of everyone who is attending their nuptials.
There can be particular aspects they feel are imperative to the success of their event.
Often there is the choice of choosing a child-free experience.
A dress code is quite common.
And who does and does not get a plus one, and why, is always a situation.
All of these bullet points are not extreme.
But sometimes certain demands are requested that don’t sit well with others.
Redditor Healthy_Emotion_8216 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for refusing to dye my hair for a wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have orange hair with a blonde money piece.”
“My B[oy]F[riend] of 5 years is telling me his brother is saying I need to dye my hair for his wedding.”
“I am not in the bridal party (which is fine) – just a guest.”
“I offered to wear my hair up or let them buy me a wig to their liking if it’s really that big of a deal.”
“I just honestly don’t have the time, money, or energy to dye it.”
“It’s going to cost major $$$ to go lighter, then to go darker it will be major $$$ and time to get it back to where it is now, especially without damaging it.”
“I am getting made out to be difficult in this situation, but I really just don’t see how it’s fair.”
“And if I say I won’t attend, then it will cause all sorts of problems.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole
“NTA. Tell your boyfriend the options, and if they stop requesting something so ridiculous, or you decline the invitation.”
“There are no other options – brides and grooms have absolutely no right to tell their guests what to do with their hair.”
“And take note of his reaction.”
“That’s an indication of how he’ll treat you and what he’ll expect from you when it comes to his family in the future.” ~ embopbopbopdoowop
“He doesn’t need to know how much money or time it would take to dye her hair.”
“All he needed to know was that it was disrespectful to ask her and to nip it in the bud.”
“Heck, even as a bridesmaid it would be rude, but as a guest?! Come on!”
“That family and their dynamics are weird.” ~ BeeJackson
“My mom was a hairdresser (and later a vocational school administrator), I’ve heard horror stories about trying to get a good color on any of the red-tinged hair colors, and you really can’t dye it back to the same color without a lot of luck.”
“Obviously some products work better than others, but if you’re going to a salon with a colorist who is that skilled then yeah, prepare to pay.”
“Color is probably the most difficult aspect of styling hair.” ~ RainbowCrane
“It’s an illegitimate request regardless of all those things.”
“Asking guests at a wedding to alter their physical appearance (beyond a dress code), is psychotic behavior.”
“I legit would not want people that would think it’s okay to even request this in my life.”
“I certainly wouldn’t continue dating someone who thought this was reasonable.”
“Yes, he may be clueless (rather than malicious), but that doesn’t let him off the hook!” ~ CnslrNachos
“I mean, bodily autonomy is a whole thing.”
“How entitled can people even be?”
“And that’s before we even get to the facts about policing how people are allowed to look.”
“Why is the OP’s appearance unacceptable to them?”
“Why does the OP’s own partner agree?”
“The cost, the effort, the time, and the potential health issues (those chemicals can damage or at least strain your hair and you can have reactions too, but whatever).” ~ Active-Hovercraft123
“NTA – absolutely a ridiculous request and yeah, your boyfriend really should be fighting this fight on your behalf, but if you want to keep the peace and be petty, pretend to agree and buy a nice lace front in a natural color.”
“I wear a lace front for events and even though it is BRIGHT purple and my hair is its natural brown, people (even people who know me well!) constantly think it’s my own hair.”
“If you get a nice wig and style it, no one will even know.”
“Then you can go back immediately to your bright hair and can tell them the natural hair they loved at the wedding was a nice wig.” ~ Doingwhaticanhere
“NTA. My wife does vivids in her hair, and to do it right, that s**t is EXPENSIVE.”
“And as you’ve said, it won’t be something that happens in one shot, so it’ll be two or three times that expensive to do it and get it back.”
“You’re not in the wedding party, so you won’t be in any ‘official’ photos, so I’m not sure why your hair color matters.” ~ WillametteSalamandOR
“NTA. I am so over hearing stories about entitled brides and grooms who are more worried about ‘picture perfect’ weddings than actually spending time with the people they love just as they are.”
“If they don’t accept you attending with your hair, decline their invite.”
“You’re a person, not a doll.”
“I had bright pink hair for one of my bestie’s weddings.”
“No one cared, it doesn’t stand out in the pictures.”
“All attention was on the bride and groom.” ~ CrabbiestAsp
“Exactly. What is wrong with these brides?”
“If you cannot be happy for a relative or family to share this day with you and accept them just the way they are, but want picture-perfection for your Instagram account (demanding people lose weight, leave them out of pics because of crutches, demand cutting hair, dying hair, covering tattoos and whatever), just hire some models and actors to be your fake guests. NTA.” ~ Hjorrild
“I invested a lot for my wedding photos and do not care even a little about the photos of guests.”
“I love my friends and family and I’m glad I have them, but they will sit in an album, not on my walls.”
“So what they’re wearing, how they did their makeup, or the color of their hair does not matter at all.” ~ -cheeks
“Don’t say you won’t attend – put that choice back on them.”
“‘This is what I look like – I’m happy to attend as I am, but if the exact aesthetic of all your guests is something you need to be in control of and my look isn’t a fit, I’ll be happy to bow out and not attend. It’s up to you, let me know.'”
“This is a bonkers request when it’s someone in the wedding party – fully loony tunes for someone who’s a guest.”
“They happen to know about your hair – I guarantee there are other guests that are going to show up with the ‘wrong’ look that they won’t even know about until they arrive.”
“I also nearly guarantee that they’ll be too busy and wrapped up in their day to give a flying F when it really comes down to it. NTA.” ~ SummitJunkie7
“NTA. You are a human being, not an aesthetic.”
“At least you are learning about whether or not your boyfriend will stand up for you in a dispute with someone from his family.” ~ mmmmm_pi
“NTA. And tell your bf that the best arrangement is that you decline to go.”
“If your appearance is going to ruin their wedding, then why bother being there?”
“Your aesthetic isn’t supposed to match, you’re not even part of the bridal party.”
“They’re asking because it’s his brother, and they feel they can push their brother into pushing you to ‘go along.'”
“So, just don’t go.”
“‘That suggestion doesn’t fit with my lifestyle, particularly for a few hours of an event that doesn’t really concern me and I’d only be attending for (BF’s name)’s sake.'”
“So, I’ll graciously decline to attend. Thank you.” ~ Perimentalpause
“Right. She’s going to have to make the decision to not attend rather than trying to walk them over to reality and hope they understand.”
“The brother is being overbearing.”
“His wedding isn’t worth as much as her hairstyle.” ~ BeeJackson
“NTA. If you’re not in the wedding, the couple has lost their marbles.” ~ tifotter
“Even if she were in the wedding, it seems incredibly rude to me.”
“You’re supposed to want people in your wedding party because they’re your friends, even if they dye their hair colors you don’t like.” ~ algunarubia
“NTA it’s your hair, you don’t have to change anything about yourself unless you want to.”
“They’re being unreasonable.” ~ Professional_Neck196
“NTA. It’s unreasonable to expect a guest to change their physical appearance, at their own expense, for a wedding.” ~ ExistenceRaisin
“NTA. It’s ok to tell people no.”
“If they decide that they don’t want you to attend with orange hair, that’s on them.”
“It isn’t on you to accommodate unreasonable requests.” ~ Sandman0312
“NTA. I saw a comment that said ‘You’re a person, not an aesthetic’ and I think they summed it up perfectly.”
“You’re a guest who was invited.”
“An invite should not have limitations based on how you look.”
“It’s odd that the men (your BF and his brother) are the ones with the problem.”
“Did the wife-to-be have a say?”
“It’s weird to me that just the men have a problem.” ~ Animot0phobic
“NTA. I would never dye my hair to be in a wedding party, much less a wedding guest.”
“That they even asked is fucking insane.”
“And honestly – if your boyfriend doesn’t support you then you really need to rethink this relationship because it’s a HUGE 🚩.” ~ Fem_Ingenuity_400
“The fact that you’re not even in the bridal party and she’s wanting you to dye your hair is absolutely absurd.”
“Not like it’d be even less absurd if you were but I can’t imagine how brides like this find the audacity to tell people what hair color their guests should have.”
“1000% NTA.” ~ famous_zebra28
“NTA – That family is trying to train you early to be their doormat.”
“Chances are it’s been going on for years, but you’ve successfully dodged it or just given in.”
“Decline the invite.”
“It won’t cause problems, it will just be uncomfortable, and maybe YOU need to experience that to wake up to the reality of things.” ~ BeeJackson
“NTA- what they’re doing to you is body shaming.”
“Part of your body is your hair and as-is your hair and how you wear it isn’t good enough for them for their wedding.”
“They’re bullying you into making you look into what they want for you.”
“And that isn’t okay.” ~ Somythinkingis
“Nope. NTA my sister and dad both dyed hair specially for my wedding and did the blue that was one of my colors.” ~ risy189
“NTA – They have no idea what they are asking in terms of potential damage to your hair and cost.”
“Just decline the invite.” ~ whatev6187
“NTA. Why do they care what a guest does with their hair, in 2024/5?”
“Our wedding was over 20 years ago, I had a bridesmaid with magenta hair.”
“It wouldn’t have been my first choice, but eh.”
“She was a bestie, it was her style (I wasn’t shocked when I saw her) and she flew across the country to stand up with me.”
“I couldn’t tell you what color my guests’ plus one’s hair color was.”
“Couples need to get over themselves.” ~ IHaveBoxerDogs
“YOU’RE NOT EVEN IN THE BRIDAL PARTY, YOU’RE JUST A GUEST AND THEY’RE DEMANDING YOU CHANGE YOUR HAIR??!!??”
“SORRY FOR SHOUTING, BUT WHAT THE F♡◇♧????”
“Good lord, NTA.”
“(Not that it’s right for a bride to dictate the bridesmaid’s hair color, but it’s double wrong to demand it of a guest.)” ~ BufferingJuffy
“It’s an invitation, not a summons.”
“They do not have any right whatsoever to tell a guest to make a fundamental change to their appearance just to attend their event (and in my honest opinion they wouldn’t have the right to tell you to dye your hair even if you were a member of the bridal party… being a guest just adds another level of audacity).”
“NTA, and to be honest your boyfriend should have shut it down at the source instead of relaying the message.” ~ yalldointoomuch
“NTA. A guest having a hair color you disagree entirely with should not even be on your priority list on the day of your wedding.”
“Seriously, it could be bright purple or green or whatever you hate, and as a bride/groom, you should have much bigger fish to fry.”
“I think, as a society, we have gotten too focused on the aesthetics of weddings and have forgotten their meaning and purpose.”
“Photo shoots are significantly less expensive, so just do that if it’s really about the pictures to that degree.”
“Also, just a side note that only psychos or deeply unhappily married people spend any time looking at their wedding pictures after the initial novelty wears off, especially random pictures of guests outside the wedding party.”
“Any pictures OP ends up in will literally end up in some wedding album that only gets pulled out once a decade.”
“Say no, but also my advice, if they don’t want you there, just let it go.”
“Don’t hold a grudge or clap back.”
“There is zero point in escalating drama with your BF’s family, especially over such a vapid silly situation.”
“It’s just not worth your emotional energy.”
“Let them be, and trust their lives suck even if it’s not immediately evident.”
“No one marrying the true love of their lives cares about their guest’s hair color, period.” ~ Beautiful-Party-4415
“At the wedding party, I can understand being asked, but as a GUEST?”
“Hell no. NTA.” ~Malibu921
“NTA, insisting anyone at your wedding dye their hair is f**king ridiculous, let alone someone not even in the wedding party. Insane!” ~ PlayingGrabA**
“NTA. F**k that!! LOLOL!!” ~ nx85
Reddit has your back, OP.
For many, this request is a step too far.
You’re offering a compromise with a wig.
They can spring for the accessory if it means that much to them
It’s too bad that your BF isn’t stepping up for you.
Good luck.