Parents always want to be there for their children, even after they grow up and fly the coop.
However, there comes a time when parents need to start teaching their children to be self-sufficient, and that they can’t always rely on them.
When to do this is a touchy subject, as some feel the sooner the better, while others think they can wait till they truly hit adulthood.
In some cases, teaching moments can arrive very clearly.
Redditor Doc_Woody recently made some arrangements that he hoped would benefit his family.
Arrangements that depended on some contributions by the original poster (OP)’s son.
When his son didn’t hold up his end of the bargain, the OP felt that consequences were necessary.
Worried he may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for docking my son’s allowance the amount he made my premium go up?
Not the A-hole.”
The OP explained why he felt it was necessary to dock his sons allowance:
“I (50 M[ale]) just switched insurance companies to try and save money because I’ve instituted a monthly budget to stop our overspending in our family of 5 (48 F[emale], 19 M, 16 F, 13 F and 5 cats).”
“The new insurance company asked for 19 M’s Drivers Ed Completion Certificate.”
“I contacted the company who said he cannot get the certificate because he skipped the online portion.”
“My son passed the in class and road tests but has an ‘objection to online drivers ed because it’s pointless’.”
“I explained that no matter how pointless it feels, it was a term of our contract with them and he broke it, and the result is that my insurance is $13 a month more than it would have been had he completed the course.”
“I still give him an allowance and I’ve reduced it by that $13 a month because I hold him 100% responsible for not completing his course, which cost $715 by the way.”
“Am I being petty for nickeling and diming a young man and shaking him down to help pay my bills?”
“My other options included just to take him off my policy and forbid him to drive at all, or make him reimburse me the $715 I paid for his drivers ed.”
“I didn’t do any of that.”
“I think i’m invoking a natural consequence based on real world impact and not vengeance.”
“It’s literally one less Mary Browns 3-piece Combo per month.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for docking their son’s allowance.
Everyone agreed that the OP did the right thing, as not only did his son not keep his end of the deal, but he deserved to face consequences with his complacent attitude:
“NTA.”
“If it were me, I would have presented the options to him.”
“Pay the extra premium.”
“Repay the drivers ed as he didn’t finish it.”
“Not drive any of your vehicles.”
“I am quite sure he will either take the remaining drivers ed or pay the $13!.”- nwood1973
“You’re wrong for considering this ‘nickeling and diming’ or shaking him down.”
“This is called being an adult.”
“He has responsibilities.”
“Privileges cost money.”
“Actions have consequences.”
“NTA by a long shot.”- ironchef8000
“NTA.”
“He’s paying tbe consequencs of breaking a deal he made with you leading to higher insurance costs to YOU.”
“This is directly related to him failing his class.”
“Taking it out of his allowance sounds very reasonable to me!”
“He can at least help for paying to retake the class, too.”
“I think it’ll also lower his rates later.”- West_House_2085
“NTA.”
“He can do a what, 5-9 hour course and be done with it and learn something….or he can pay for breaking the deal.”
“I’d cut the allowance.”
“It’s probably not in the budget, and it’s probably bets for him to start paying his own bills.”
“He’d appreciate money more if he was wasting his own money.”- indicatprincess
“NTA.”
“Decisions have consequences, he should bear the consequence of his decision.”-ontheleftcoast
“‘I (50 M) just switched insurance companies to try and save money because I’ve instituted a monthly budget to stop our overspending in our family of 5 (48F, 19M, 16F, 13F and 5 cats)’.”
“Well, I would think job one would be taking the credit cards away from those spendthrift cats…”
“NTA OP.”- SrslyPissedOff
“NTA!”
“I hit another car in my dad’s car.”
“They made me pay the difference in the insurance increase.”
“Sure as hell seemed fair to me then as a 17 year old.”
“Still seems fair.”- foilrat
“NTA.”
“Actions have consequences regardless of how dumb they think it is.”
“Enforce it to the letter.”- johnnyg08
“NTA.”
“You’re kind and teaching him that his actions have at least some consequences.”
“But has he complained?”
“You don’t mention any conflict in your post.”
“If he’s complaining then I think you’re under reacting and need to tell him it’s a great privilege to receive any allowance and that if he wants more than you can provide he needs to get a job.”- alexlp
“NTA.”
“Actions have consequences, and he just learned one.”
“It could be much, much worse.”- stlorca
“NTA, I don’t think you were harsh enough tbh.”
“I would make him pay his portion of the insurance since he didn’t want to finish the required course that ALSO cost money.”
“We all have to do things in life we think are pointless.”
“He’s definitely being the AH here.”- rollypollyollyy
“NTA.”
“This feels like a natural consequence for his choices.”- 90DayLEGO
“NTA.”
“It’s a very real impact and consequence of him not doing the responsibility that was required as a driver.”
“Personally, he wouldn’t have gotten the keys without completing it.”
“Licensed or not, he’s still under your own liability.”- WholeAd2742
“NTA.”
“Hello fellow Newfoundlander lol.”
“I laughed out loud at ‘one less Mary Browns 3-piece combo per month’.”- rileysauntie
“Haha I wouldn’t have been allowed to drive, full stop.”
“Maybe the a**hole for not going far enough?”
“jk NTA.”- dilley07
“NTA.”
“Apparently online drivers ed is *not* pointless.”
“FAFO.”- uniqueme1
“NTA.”
“The true AH move would have been to make him get his own car insurance outright.”
“That would cost way more than $13 a month.”- Bizlbop
“NTA.”
“This is a reasonable natural consequence.”- Tall-Payment-8015
“NTA.”
“He might as well learn that actions have consequences while it’s a relatively cheap lesson.”-
Fredfredricksen01
“NTA.”
“What is it these young people like to say?”
“Oh yes….FAFO.”- LowerRain265
“NTA.”
“This is a good lesson on choices, consequences, and probably lying.”- BigGreenBillyGoat
“NTA.”
“This is perfect ‘Real World’ consequences.”
“You’re reimbursed and he learns a needed lesson.”
“Nice work, Dad!”
“Having him pay you back seems very reasonable.”- Centraplex
“NTA.”
“He’s an adult, it’s time he learns what that means and that means he shouldn’t be getting an allowance.”
“He should have a freakin job and be paying his bills.”- UnfortunateDaring
“Actions and inactions have consequences.”
“3rd option he can pay for his own insurance!”
“NTA.”- QL58
“NTA.”
“Consequences that match the action.”
“You didn’t take away his prom or his extracurriculars, you didn’t go crazy with unrelated things.”
“You just let him face the actual consequence.”
“If you don’t have the paper you decided not to get, it costs thirteen bucks a month.”
“He unilaterally decided something was ‘pointless’ or ‘stupid’ and that cost him.”
“This is a valuable lesson, because it’s going to happen again and again in life, with larger risks/costs than $13.00.”
“He has to genuinely pay the price and feel the sting of it.”- YoshiandAims
“Your solution is reasonable, if a bit understated (I wouldn’t be paying any allowance to a 19-year-old).”
“Tell him his options are to pay the extra premium, repay the $700 spent on the drivers ed course he decided not to finish, or lose all access to your vehicle(s).”
“NTA.”- wesmorgan1
“It was his choice to skip the online portion of the class so he needs to pony up the extra $13/month.”
“He needs to feel (monetarily) the consequences of his decision.”
“NTA.”- GirlDad2023_
“This is a pretty cheap lesson in consequences.:
“FAFO.”
“NTA.”- Impossible_Turn_7627
“Kids need to learn consequences.”
“Part of being an adult is doing things you think are stupid just cause someone says they’re necessary.”
“Your kids will push back, and your job is to stand firm on a decision.”
“You paid a lot of money for him to take that class, and he didn’t complete it.”
“If that allowence -13$ isn’t enough money for him, he’s 16 he can get a job.”
“NTA.”
“Your job as a parent isn’t to be liked, it’s to raise a human to be a functioning adult.”
“This is the growing pains.”
“He might not like it but he created this situation.”- Marzipanjam
No doubt the OP’s son will be disappointed in having his allowance docked.
That being said, some would argue that the OP’s son should consider himself lucky that he still has an allowance at all at the age of 19.
Or, for that matter, that he ever had an allowance to begin with, as not all children are even that lucky.