Often at the beginning of a relationship, everything will feel like sunshine and rainbows, but once the happy couple takes the next step and moves in together, the storms start rolling in fast.
Because sometimes it takes being around someone 24/7 to realize that you don't want to be around them 365 days a year for the rest of your life, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Spiritual_View4192 had just recently moved in with her boyfriend, and everything was good, except for her boyfriend's showering habits.
Instead of using a towel after, he would leave trails of water behind him, and after slipping multiple times, she wasn't sure she wanted a drip-dry boyfriend.
But when she brought up her concerns and asked him about using a towel, the Original Poster (OP) was surprised when her boyfriend spun the issue back on her and accused her of being "high-maintenance."
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for wanting my boyfriend to use a towel after his showers, which he says is 'high-maintenance' of me?"
The OP was excited about her new relationship with her boyfriend, except for one thing.
"My boyfriend (29 Male) and I (27 Female) recently moved in together."
"Overall, things are fine, but there's one thing that's starting to really get under my skin."
"Whenever he showers, he walks out of the bathroom completely dripping wet, leaving puddles all over the floor."
To make matters worse, the OP's boyfriend didn't recognize the problem.
"When I pointed out that it's gross and dangerous (I literally slipped once), he said, 'Just don't walk there then.'"
"I asked him to at least keep a towel in the bathroom to dry off before walking out."
"He said, 'You're so high maintenance. It's just water.'"
"I told him it's not just water, it's his water, and I'm tired of stepping in cold puddles."
"He rolled his eyes and said, 'You're overreacting, I'm not changing how I shower.'"
The OP wasn't sure what to think.
"Now I'm wondering if maybe I'm being dramatic over something small, but it feels like such a basic courtesy?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some found this to be such a weird hill for the boyfriend to "die" on.
"NOR. Speaking as a man who has known a lot of other men in my life... We use towels. It's very weird to not use a towel after a shower." - Foreign-Cow-1189
"My son even bought his own towels AND bathmats for his own apartment! And he's 26."
"NOR, OP. You might have to send this one back." - Slw202
"Her man doesn't care about anyone else, and she's going to need to figure that out, sooner rather than later, I hope." - oroborus68
"He doubled down and called her high maintenance... as if 99 percent of people with access to towels don't use them. NOR, NOR, NOR." - Typical2sday
"Her: 'Please dry off with a towel so there isn't water all over the place.'"
"Him: 'Godd**mit, you're so effing high maintenance!'"
"This escalated very quickly. I'd be concerned about what else he'll escalate, and to what heights."
"Break up, and enjoy your safe floors, peace, and lack of gaslighting." - Nortex_Vortex
"NOR. I've never not used a towel after a shower. That behavior would get under my nerves quickly."
"The rest of the experience with him would have to be amazing to balance it out, but with his attitude, I bet the bloom will be coming off the rose soon, then you'll realize he's just a pr**k." - bgthigfist
"I don't get out of the shower until I've dried myself off fairly well… and even then, I wrap a towel around my waist and step onto a very plush bath mat." - indyarchyguy
"He shows no concern to compromise on something so small and has seemingly no negative impact on him if he does as you ask... imagine what it's like when a real conflict starts to occur."
"You honestly didn't even have to give a reason, and he should've just been like, 'Oh, ok, does it bother you that much? I'm sorry.'"
"Good luck with whatever is wrong with him, but if I were you, I wouldn't stick around to find out, let alone try to 'fix it.' NOR." - katastrxphe
"NOR. It sounds like he is high-maintenance, honestly. High-maintenance can be a lot of things."
"It can be a person who is super demanding (and it's NOT super demanding to expect someone to dry off after their shower)."
"Or it can be a person so adverse to anything they don't specifically want to do that they make everyone else deal or pick up after them." - Empty-Stomach5873
Others agreed and pointed out that this was a huge safety concern.
"It's not even the fact that he doesn't use a towel that made me concerned. It's that she slipped and potentially got injured, and he showed approximately zero concern that his actions caused harm to her." - Shadowphoenix9511
"The lack of concern for her safety is the real issue, not the towel itself." - KriosV
"I've also fallen on my butt and it got my tailbone, thus affecting my spine. It is not something simple to recover from. You can't even sit for months." - questioningsince1912
"I don't think this guy has ever lived with anyone. When I'm alone, I just step out of the shower and grab a towel from the cupboard in my bedroom. Later, I drag a mat along my path to dry the floor, mostly so I don't end up slipping and making an unplanned acrobatic performance."
"That's basic decency to MYSELF, let alone someone I'm supposed to care about enough to want to live with and maybe even marry someday." - Southern_Iron04
"NOR. Just because he is a lake monster with no maintenance that insists on potentially damaging the floors, it doesn't mean not wanting to get your socks wet from puddles in your own home makes you 'high maintenance.'"
"No, you're at the regular amount of maintenance, which is not leaving everything wet.
"I'm not sure how he can even stand not drying off. I would personally freeze half to death at room temperature while soaking wet."
"And don't even get me started on the safety concerns. I'm clumsy as f**k. Maybe lake monsters are graceful. Either way, NOR." - miserableschoolchild
"Sometimes when you live with someone, you find out that they're an inconsiderate, selfish, and childish a**. This is one advantage to living together before deciding whether you want to be with them forever or not."
"Personally, I would not stay with someone who is so flippantly dismissive of my feelings and concerns, especially when it comes to personal safety."
"High maintenance is the one who doesn't clean up after themselves. Maybe he'd prefer to go back to splashing around as a single person. NOR." - StephenNotSteve
Not to mention, as some pointed out, what dripping dry could do to their floors.
"This isn't even a man-or-woman behavior thing. This is unhinged behavior."
"It should be common sense for an adult that leaving huge wet puddles all around your house isn't good for your house. Unless he has all stone floors, which I doubt. He's an id**t and probably not worth dating." - Mothra_Stewart69
"I know someone who did that, and it ruined the floors. Not just where they walked and dripped, but basically all of the floors, because of warping and rippling. They had to basically start over to repair all the damage." - ForwardMuffin
"NOR. If you leave water on hardwood floors, you will create hundreds of dollars in damage in each place the water pools. If you're lucky enough for the problem not to spread underneath." - KlooShanko
"My grandmother used to do this. Or maybe she was just getting water on the floor while showering. Either way, it didn't take long of that before her bathroom floors started falling apart. The tile wasn't enough to protect it. And that was JUST in the BATHROOM." - 0hNova
"NOR. Legit had an upstairs neighbor cause my ceiling to cave in from doing s**t like this." - UncFest3r
"Mold. This is how you get mold." - toodiisoon
"This is how you get wet socks. No good relationship has wet socks." - DifficultWing2453
"This is how you get a broken back, warped floors, wet socks, mold, bugs, and lose your significant other, all in ten days. Turn THAT into a movie, why don't you." - TwistyTwister3
The subReddit was nothing short of alarmed by the situation that the OP found herself in, simply because it was such an easy problem to fix, and especially since it was still early in the couple's relationship, when people are typically on their best behavior to try to impress their partner.
But the OP's boyfriend was already accusing her of being "high-maintenance" over something that most people wouldn't like to live with, which was also a safety concern and a home maintenance concern; there was no telling what the OP would have to put up with in the future if she stayed.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.