Often at the beginning of a relationship, everything will feel like sunshine and rainbows, but once the happy couple takes the next step and moves in together, the storms start rolling in fast.
Because sometimes it takes being around someone 24/7 to realize that you don't want to be around them 365 days a year for the rest of your life, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Spiritual_View4192 had just recently moved in with her boyfriend, and everything was good, except for her boyfriend's showering habits.
Instead of using a towel after, he would leave trails of water behind him, and after slipping multiple times, she wasn't sure she wanted a drip-dry boyfriend.
But when she brought up her concerns and asked him about using a towel, the Original Poster (OP) was surprised when her boyfriend spun the issue back on her and accused her of being "high-maintenance."
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for wanting my boyfriend to use a towel after his showers, which he says is 'high-maintenance' of me?"
The OP was excited about her new relationship with her boyfriend, except for one thing.
"My boyfriend (29 Male) and I (27 Female) recently moved in together."
"Overall, things are fine, but there's one thing that's starting to really get under my skin."
"Whenever he showers, he walks out of the bathroom completely dripping wet, leaving puddles all over the floor."
To make matters worse, the OP's boyfriend didn't recognize the problem.
"When I pointed out that it's gross and dangerous (I literally slipped once), he said, 'Just don't walk there then.'"
"I asked him to at least keep a towel in the bathroom to dry off before walking out."
"He said, 'You're so high maintenance. It's just water.'"
"I told him it's not just water, it's his water, and I'm tired of stepping in cold puddles."
"He rolled his eyes and said, 'You're overreacting, I'm not changing how I shower.'"
The OP wasn't sure what to think.
"Now I'm wondering if maybe I'm being dramatic over something small, but it feels like such a basic courtesy?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some found this to be such a weird hill for the boyfriend to "die" on.
"NOR. Speaking as a man who has known a lot of other men in my life... We use towels. It's very weird to not use a towel after a shower." - Foreign-Cow-1189
"My son even bought his own towels AND bathmats for his own apartment! And he's 26."
"NOR, OP. You might have to send this one back." - Slw202
"Her man doesn't care about anyone else, and she's going to need to figure that out, sooner rather than later, I hope." - oroborus68
"He doubled down and called her high maintenance... as if 99 percent of people with access to towels don't use them. NOR, NOR, NOR." - Typical2sday
"Her: 'Please dry off with a towel so there isn't water all over the place.'"
"Him: 'Godd**mit, you're so effing high maintenance!'"
"This escalated very quickly. I'd be concerned about what else he'll escalate, and to what heights."
"Break up, and enjoy your safe floors, peace, and lack of gaslighting." - Nortex_Vortex
"NOR. I've never not used a towel after a shower. That behavior would get under my nerves quickly."
"The rest of the experience with him would have to be amazing to balance it out, but with his attitude, I bet the bloom will be coming off the rose soon, then you'll realize he's just a pr**k." - bgthigfist
"I don't get out of the shower until I've dried myself off fairly well… and even then, I wrap a towel around my waist and step onto a very plush bath mat." - indyarchyguy
"He shows no concern to compromise on something so small and has seemingly no negative impact on him if he does as you ask... imagine what it's like when a real conflict starts to occur."
"You honestly didn't even have to give a reason, and he should've just been like, 'Oh, ok, does it bother you that much? I'm sorry.'"
"Good luck with whatever is wrong with him, but if I were you, I wouldn't stick around to find out, let alone try to 'fix it.' NOR." - katastrxphe
"NOR. It sounds like he is high-maintenance, honestly. High-maintenance can be a lot of things."
"It can be a person who is super demanding (and it's NOT super demanding to expect someone to dry off after their shower)."
"Or it can be a person so adverse to anything they don't specifically want to do that they make everyone else deal or pick up after them." - Empty-Stomach5873
Others agreed and pointed out that this was a huge safety concern.
"It's not even the fact that he doesn't use a towel that made me concerned. It's that she slipped and potentially got injured, and he showed approximately zero concern that his actions caused harm to her." - Shadowphoenix9511
"The lack of concern for her safety is the real issue, not the towel itself." - KriosV
"I've also fallen on my butt and it got my tailbone, thus affecting my spine. It is not something simple to recover from. You can't even sit for months." - questioningsince1912
"I don't think this guy has ever lived with anyone. When I'm alone, I just step out of the shower and grab a towel from the cupboard in my bedroom. Later, I drag a mat along my path to dry the floor, mostly so I don't end up slipping and making an unplanned acrobatic performance."
"That's basic decency to MYSELF, let alone someone I'm supposed to care about enough to want to live with and maybe even marry someday." - Southern_Iron04
"NOR. Just because he is a lake monster with no maintenance that insists on potentially damaging the floors, it doesn't mean not wanting to get your socks wet from puddles in your own home makes you 'high maintenance.'"
"No, you're at the regular amount of maintenance, which is not leaving everything wet.
"I'm not sure how he can even stand not drying off. I would personally freeze half to death at room temperature while soaking wet."
"And don't even get me started on the safety concerns. I'm clumsy as f**k. Maybe lake monsters are graceful. Either way, NOR." - miserableschoolchild
"Sometimes when you live with someone, you find out that they're an inconsiderate, selfish, and childish a**. This is one advantage to living together before deciding whether you want to be with them forever or not."
"Personally, I would not stay with someone who is so flippantly dismissive of my feelings and concerns, especially when it comes to personal safety."
"High maintenance is the one who doesn't clean up after themselves. Maybe he'd prefer to go back to splashing around as a single person. NOR." - StephenNotSteve
Not to mention, as some pointed out, what dripping dry could do to their floors.
"This isn't even a man-or-woman behavior thing. This is unhinged behavior."
"It should be common sense for an adult that leaving huge wet puddles all around your house isn't good for your house. Unless he has all stone floors, which I doubt. He's an id**t and probably not worth dating." - Mothra_Stewart69
"I know someone who did that, and it ruined the floors. Not just where they walked and dripped, but basically all of the floors, because of warping and rippling. They had to basically start over to repair all the damage." - ForwardMuffin
"NOR. If you leave water on hardwood floors, you will create hundreds of dollars in damage in each place the water pools. If you're lucky enough for the problem not to spread underneath." - KlooShanko
"My grandmother used to do this. Or maybe she was just getting water on the floor while showering. Either way, it didn't take long of that before her bathroom floors started falling apart. The tile wasn't enough to protect it. And that was JUST in the BATHROOM." - 0hNova
"NOR. Legit had an upstairs neighbor cause my ceiling to cave in from doing s**t like this." - UncFest3r
"Mold. This is how you get mold." - toodiisoon
"This is how you get wet socks. No good relationship has wet socks." - DifficultWing2453
"This is how you get a broken back, warped floors, wet socks, mold, bugs, and lose your significant other, all in ten days. Turn THAT into a movie, why don't you." - TwistyTwister3
The subReddit was nothing short of alarmed by the situation that the OP found herself in, simply because it was such an easy problem to fix, and especially since it was still early in the couple's relationship, when people are typically on their best behavior to try to impress their partner.
But the OP's boyfriend was already accusing her of being "high-maintenance" over something that most people wouldn't like to live with, which was also a safety concern and a home maintenance concern; there was no telling what the OP would have to put up with in the future if she stayed.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.