In the digital age, when filters and photo editors are readily available to almost everyone, numerous jokes are made about the discrepancy between people’s real-life appearances and their online personas.
But it’s not just faces and bodies that get altered.
With a few clicks, a ho-hum holiday selfie can have the perfect lighting and setting. But do you want to remember the vacation you had or the one that’ll get more likes online?
What’s the point of posting a photo in the digital age—recording memories or appealing to strangers online?
A man turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a difference of opinion on that question with his significant other.
Expert-fondant69 asked:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend her Instagram photos are too edited and saying I’ll post the originals if she doesn’t take them down?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My girlfriend (29, female)—who has a decent following on Instagram—and I (35, male) just got back from a trip to Mexico. We took a ton of photos, most of them on my phone because I have a better camera, and today she posted a bunch on Instagram.”
“But they were all edited using FaceApp or something. She edited so much.
“She changed her chin, made her eyes slightly bigger, narrowed her shoulders and waist, and gave herself a perfectly round butt that straight-up does not exist in real life. She also edited my face without asking me.”
“I compared them to the originals and told her it was too much. I said editing yourself like that is basically lying, and it makes both of us look fake.”
“She said I was overreacting.”
“I told her to take them down, and she refused. So I told her if she keeps them up, then I’ll post the originals. She’s pissed now and says I’m being mean and that it’s not a big deal.”
“I don’t think I’m the a**hole. I just don’t want to be part of some fake version of ourselves online.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I told my girlfriend her edited Instagram photos were misleading and said I’d post the unedited originals if she didn’t take them down.”
“I might be the a**hole because I threatened her with something that could embarrass her instead of handling it more respectfully.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors decided everyone sucked here (ESH).
“ESH. This is weird, and frankly, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who thinks it’s acceptable to alter my image on their social media—not to protect me, but to make me more palatable to their followers. F*ck that noise.”
“That said, threatening to post originals if she doesn’t is being heavy-handed.”
“If you don’t want to be with someone who can’t stand themselves and needs to alter every image, then break up with her. Don’t threaten to out her. Trying to control what she does through threats is f*cked up.” ~ DenizenKay
“I will agree with the ESH judgment. He has a right to post accurate photos of himself on his page.”
“He has a right to push back on false images of himself that someone knowingly posted online. She crossed a line, but he is threatening to counter her deception by exposing images of her that she doesn’t like.” ~ throwaway4mypups
“He can do what he wants with photos of himself. What he shouldn’t do is post photos of her that she doesn’t want posted.”
“He’s just lowering himself almost to the same level as her. What he also shouldn’t do is blackmail her to manage her Instagram/social media to meet his standards.”
“What he can do is insist she does not post any photos of him, edited or not.”
“To sum up, he gets control over images of himself. He doesn’t get control over images of her. If he doesn’t respect how she manages her online presence or anything else she does, he needs to break up with her, not try to control and change her.” ~ Mauinfinity-0805
“While I disagree with you personally as a woman who is extremely biased because of how absolutely insecure I used to be, I definitely agree with your logic.”
“The fact that she needs to edit photos of her AND her boyfriend is a blazing red flag. That kind of insecurity requires a lot of therapy, and/or it means that she is more invested in her looks than integrity.” ~ Smashleysmashles
“If this post had simply been about the boyfriend disapproving of the girlfriend editing and posting pics of just her, I would take a very different stance.”
“My personal opinion is that there is something very unhealthy about editing the appearance of your significant other and posting them in a false light. If my man edited me before he put me on his page, I would RAGE TF OUT.”
“I honestly don’t know if we could come back from that because I would feel insecure and constantly question if he’s embarrassed by my appearance. I don’t need that type of toxicity introduced into my psyche.”
“I think threatening to post the real pics is mild, given the circumstances.” ~ throwaway4mypups
“I agree with you. If my boyfriend edited photos of us to make me ‘better looking’, I’d be crushed. And if he refused to take them down, I’d be furious.”
“So I can’t blame him for reacting this way.”
“She can post and edit her own photos if that’s what she wants. But when she did it to him, she crossed a line.” ~ jupitermoonflow
“I can’t help but wonder if she’s editing his appearance because if she leaves him all-natural it makes her own edits that much more obvious by comparison.” ~ ThrowAsideWhenDone
“Yeah, he can’t control what she posts of herself, but he can absolutely tell her to take down what she posts of him. Even if they weren’t edited, a decent person will remove images of somebody else that they’ve put on social media.”
“He can also say, ‘I’m not comfortable dating somebody who misrepresents themselves so thoroughly’, but maybe he’s not willing to go so far. I would because I think that sort of dishonesty is quite harmful, but that’s his choice.”
“He can’t control what images of herself she puts online, but he’s not obliged to stay with her if she’s doing something he finds dishonest and in bad taste.” ~ haleorshine
“He has the right to control his image. What I would do is post the original of him and completely blur her out of the photo if she’s in it.”
“I also would think twice about this relationship. Her insecurities are a little much.” ~ PNL-Maine
“It’s like telling a lie and then preventing you from telling the truth.” ~ HelpfulAfternoon7295
“100% ESH. Just realize you don’t belong together—if this is a problem for you, which it appears it is—and break up.”
“Insta models are—or can be, lots of wannabes—hot, sure, but I’d never date them.” ~ RoninOni
“I was going to go ESH, but sometimes there’s a bit of gender bias in the reactions here, so I’ve asked myself how I would react if you were a woman whose boyfriend posted edited pictures of himself and of you, his girlfriend.”
“I’m pretty sure everyone, me included, would call him the a**hole and would tell the girlfriend that she’s right and that if he’s not proud of what she looks like, then he’s not worth staying with.”
“He’d probably also get called controlling for editing her appearance without her consent and for refusing to take her pictures down. So NTA.”
“Personally, I think it’s horrible of her to edit you. If she doesn’t feel like she’s good enough, it’s very sad, and it’s something she needs to work on.
“But it doesn’t give her any right to treat you like you’re not good enough. If my boyfriend did that, I’d be devastated.”
“But if you have to go to those lengths to get her to take the photos down, and she shows no understanding of how sh*tty her actions were, it means she values her fake online persona more than you. I think that’s the bigger issue there.” ~ throwaway4578753356
“I would be devastated if my partner was editing me in our photos together, it would be hard not to notice the things he decided to change/tweak and feel insecure about them. It’s super f*cked up.” ~ insolent_empress
“If she hadn’t edited him as well as herself, I’d be all in on him being the a**hole for the ‘do this or else’ response, but it’s definitely not ok that she changed his appearance without permission.”
“OP, if you want to post originals of the photos where you were altered, you have every right. Probably leave the ones where she only changed her own appearance alone, though.”
“You’ll make your point regardless, but it will be a lot less vindictive and petty that way.” ~ baobabbling
While people agreed that the OP should control his own appearance online, his girlfriend should be shown the same consideration.
Even if her preference is heavily altered images.