It is time to recognize that the emotional and practical contributions women have historically provided for their families are way more valuable than any financial help people can give.
This Redditor encountered this very issue with her husband. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for ’embarrassing’ my husband in front of his co-worker?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (33F) husband (37m) and I recently had our first child (5 months).”
“We decided I would stay home with the baby.”
“Previously, I worked freelance from home but have always had a healthy savings and a decent amount of assets acquired before marriage—including our house, which has no mortgage and is a two-family home. We rent out the top unit.”
“Baby and I went to pick up husband from work as his car was in the shop and husband wanted me to meet one of his co-workers, Sam.”
“We all sat outside in the courtyard and chatted.”
“Sam is a few years younger than my husband and I suspect my husband sees himself as a bit of a mentor to the guy.”
They started talking about work and overtime.
“We were having a nice conversation about life and kids and eventually the topic of working overtime came up.”
“The company needs a few extra guys over the weekend and offered overtime to the whole department.”
“My husband asked Sam if he was planning to come in and Sam said no that he had plans to go to the beach with his girlfriend and child.”
“I commented that that sounded like a nice weekend but my husband interjected that if Sam was as concerned with money as he has claimed to be in the past, he shouldn’t be passing up overtime opportunities.”
“From context and a later conversation with my husband, it sounds like Sam has griped about not making enough money in the past.”
OP’s husband plans to work overtime.
“My husband plans to take the overtime and told Sam so.”
“Sam countered that he wasn’t going to give up his weekend for a few extra bucks and stated that my husband doesn’t understand because my husband makes more than he does (husband is in a higher position and makes roughly $12 more an hour).”
“My husband’s response was that his higher pay doesn’t matter because his partner (me, who was sitting right there) doesn’t work and he’s the sole provider so he has to bust his ass anyway.”
“He then insisted that Sam actually has it easier than he does because Sam’s partner also works and they have two incomes.”
OP was not happy.
“I rolled my eyes, a little annoyed at being talked about like I wasn’t there, and pointed out that my husband’s partner (me) owns an income-producing house and we not only don’t have to worry about rent or a mortgage like Sam does, but also have a tenant whose rent subsidizes our expenses.”
“I also threw in the fact that we don’t need to pay for childcare either.”
“Sam laughed and said ‘You see! You don’t have it so bad! Why are you always complaining?!’”
“But my husband was pissed and I could tell he was a little flustered by the whole exchange. When we got in the car he accused me of embarrassing him in front of a guy he was just trying to show the ‘right way’ to.”
“I told him I don’t appreciate him acting like I don’t contribute to the household when I’m not only raising our child and taking care of the home but have also made significant financial contributions.”
“This isn’t the only time he’s touted himself as ‘sole provider’ or referred to us as a ‘single-income family.’ He brushed it off and said it’s not that serious and that ‘technically’ we are a single-income family.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were conflicted about who was at fault.
“NTA- Your husband’s behavior is shitty and childish.” ~ Toblerone_cake
“and misogynistic. He literally is acting as if she contributes nothing.” ~ l3gi0n-1183
“‘Technically’ a single income household, because her income as a landlady doesn’t count for some reason. You know, their second income.”
“Why is his embarrassment at being called out on his lying more important than her embarrassment at having her income ignored and her work devalued?” ~ PhDOH
“Can I just say that passive income is ALSO an income as it generates wealth every month. Due to this little fact, he is NOT the sole provider as OP contributes more than her fair share.”
“OP’s hubby sounds so small and insecure. Why does he care what Sam chooses to do anyway? Why does he portray OP in such a bad light? Why did OP marry such a loser? So many questions…”
“OP is NTA, btw.” ~ SpiritualKangaroo330
“They have to maintain the property, deal with tenant issues. Unless they have a management company, I’m not sure the income can be considered completely passive.” ~ StreetofChimes
OP contributes a lot to the family finances.
“This all sounds like a setup to manipulate Sam into working OT” ~ SerenityM3oW
“Also Sam is already choosing the ‘right way’ by balancing work/life.” ~ johnny9k
“No kidding. I’m sure we’re not getting the whole conversation but it’s a bit telling that the husband’s excuse was ‘but you want more money’ and not ‘but I’d like to spend time with my newborn.'” ~ agent_raconteur
“And can we talk about how it sounds like OP PAID OFF HER HOUSE before they got married? Yeah, she’s just such a financial burden.” ~ Metasequioa
“I think this gets to the heart of it. Her husband is jealous and resentful.”
“OP made very smart choices prior to marriage and was able to buy her own home with a rental property to generate income. I’m sure he feels on some level that she gets to just sit around all day tending to the baby while he has to ‘bust his ass.'” ~ thistleandpeony
“Leave him alone with the baby for a day with no help. Op would have to turn off her phone. Because he seems like to type to call to ask where EVERYTHING is. Then we’ll see how easy he thinks it is.” ~ Mimosa_usagi
OP deserves more recognition for their contributions.