It can be difficult to pull off a surprise announcement when big news comes your way. Usually someone was inherently involved or someone blabbed to the rest of the friends and family.
So when you find yourself right on the cusp of the big reveal, it can feel too good to be true.
And for one Redditor, who posted her experience on the "Am I the A**hole (AITA)" subReddit, it was.
The Original Poster (OP), known as sadgirl1260 on the site, left the post's title vague and provocative.
"AITA for making my sister leave my house at a family dinner?"
First, OP set the stage with some important context.
"I (21-year-old female) live with my now fiancé (25-year-old male) and we like to have our families come over for dinners or to hang out."
"My fiancé proposed over the weekend and we did not tell anyone except my sister (27-year-old) and his best friend."
Up until that point, everything had gone according to plan.
"We wanted to surprise everyone with the announcement and invited them over for dinner and my sister knew we would be announcing our engagement."
"At the end of the meal before we brought out dessert we told everyone that we had some exciting news."
But then this happened.
"This is when my sister cut me off mid sentence and said 'I am pregnant again!' Everyone in the family was so excited and happy for her and her husband."
"I think I stood for a solid minute with my jaw dropped."
"My grandma then made a comment to me about how sweet it was to have made this dinner for her announcement."
However "sweet" was about the last thing OP was feeling at that moment.
"I was furious and walked up to her and her husband and said 'please leave' and she looked like I had just stabbed her with my words."
"She started crying and saying how I wasn't excited for her and I was just jealous of her life and she didn't think I even liked my nephew (2) whom I love and spoil."
That struck a nerve.
"I told her then that she had to leave that she and her husband could not stay anymore."
"My mom was furious with me and told me I had to apologize after my sister left my house."
"Her and my dad went on about how insensitive I was being and that was disrespectful to send my pregnant sister out of my house."
"I apologized to her and my family but I still don't think i was in the wrong. I still have not told my family about my engagement. So AITA?"
OP later added an edit outlining how her parents went on to respond after the dust settled for a bit.
"I FaceTimed with my mom and dad this morning and spoke with them calmly about everything that happened."
"My dad agreed with me that is was disrespectful of her to take my moment and my dinner."
"My mom on the other hand said I was still insensitive and it was unfair of me to ruin my sisters moment and that I could have announced it a different day and let her have the moment."
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
A clear majority of people felt certain OP wasn't the a**hole.
"NTA. Your sister sucks and intentionally ruined your big moment by making it all about her. You were right to kick her out and don't feel even slightly bad about it. Any drama or problems caused by this are entirely her fault." -- Hi_Im_Dadbot
"NTA. You should tell everyone the dinner was for your engagement and your sister knew beforehand. If anyone still sides with her, I'd go LC with them, and I wouldn't include your sister in your bridal party and/or planning." -- NinjaBabaMama
"NTA. YOUR house, YOUR dinner, YOUR news, she KNEW IT and HAD to put the attention on her, though this sounds familiar...a sister did this and it turned out she wasn't actually pregnant, just wanted the attention, and the family supported her." -- YourImaginaryFried
"Why did you apologise? It was a truely shi**y thing to do. My advice - don't bother telling your family and if they find out from someone else and want to know why you didn't tell them then explain" -- Hot-Currency-1881
Plenty of people assured OP she hadn't been an a**hole, but they did empathize with her family members too.
"NTA your sister sucks for sure but I think you probably should have told your family. After your grandma made that comment you should have said that your sister hijacked the event and you told her it was to announce your engagement."
"By not telling everyone it makes it look like your sister announced her pregnancy and you got so mad you kicked her out. So people are gonna think you are an asshole instead of realizing your sister is to blame." -- FaizerLaser
"Okay, both NTA and YTA. You are not NTA for being angry with your sister, she definitely did that to take the attention away from you and onto herself, and NTA for asking her to leave, I would probably have done the same."
"Where YTA is in not telling your family what was going on. On the surface, it must look very petty to your parents because they don't have a clue what you were going to tell them. All they saw was you being mean to your sister because she said she was pregnant..."
"...if, however, they knew that you had made the dinner because you wanted to give them your happy news and your sister knew this and deliberately upstaged you, then I think they would have reacted quite differently. So I think you should tell them what was really going on." -- history_buff_9971
"So right from the start, your sister is the a**hole. We don't know whether her husband knows about the engagement, so the jury is out on him."
"You, obviously, are NTA."
"Your family are also NTA because, from their perspective, you had a totally unprompted outburst and kicked your sister out for no reason. I'm sure that if they knew she had knowingly stolen your moment, they would be on your side."
"Congratulations on your engagement, I hope you get the chance to announce it properly soon ❤️" -- goosenschmirtz
"You're not an a**hole but you played this completely wrong. You must seem like an insane person to your family if you haven't yet told them about the engagement."
"You should have bitten your lip at the engagement event, taken the credit for hosting the event, and announced your engagement later without your sister present. Then plot your revenge." -- GumpTheChump
All OP can do now is share the big news and hope her family understands why the original timing of it all was so bad.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.