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Spaniard Stunned After English Boyfriend Forbids Them From Speaking To His Kids In Spanish

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People are very touchy about what you teach their kids.

Rightfully so.

There are boundaries and ways of going about it.

But there are also ways for parents to explain that to people without being chaotic.

Case in point…

Redditor Naive-Flower6148 wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for teaching my children Spanish without asking my husband-to-be permission?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’ve been seeing Mike (40) for 3 years now and we are planning on getting married soon and have moved in together a few weeks ago.”

“Mike has 2 children with his first wife who apparently left them when the kids were little.”

“His children are Katie, F[emale] 12 and Seb M[ale]11.”

“Katie and Seb’s mom was from Nicaragua who moved to the US where she met Mike.”

“I don’t know why but the children where never taught Spanish, only English.”

“I met Mike in the UK were I live although I am originally from Spain.”

“In school, they learned bits of French but no Spanish.”

“Here’s the thing, Katie came over to me and asked me if I could teach them some Spanish and I said absolutely.”

“And we asked if Seb wanted to join us and he was up for it.”

“I was excited, it means that the kids could learn their mother’s language, possibly try and get in touch with their maternal side of the family when they’re older.”

“They don’t have contact with them now and Mike said they all live in Nicaragua.”

“And they could potentially form a stronger bond with my parents.”

“Their future step grandparents as my parents speak poor English.”

“We typically have a clear understanding of who handles what with kids.”

“We’ve had plenty of discussions of what my role is and what he doesn’t want me to do, etc.”

“But frankly, I didn’t think something as simple as teaching them language needed a discussion.”

“It was just a fun activity we did, simple things like pointing at things and telling them words or asking them.”

“Teaching them sentences.”

“We’ve only been doing it a short while so it’s basic stuff.”

“I thought I mentioned it to Mike but either I forgot or he hadn’t listened but he swears he didn’t know.”

“One day he heard me correcting Katie’s conjugation and he got really angry.”

“He asked me what I was doing.”

“Before I had a chance of saying anything, very excited Katie chimed in saying that she’s learning Spanish and asking if he wants to learn it with her.”

“Mike said no and sent her to her room.”

“He argued with me that I had no right to teach them Spanish.”

“And I should have consulted him first.”

“I told him I didn’t think it would be much of a problem as the chance of them having it in school was 50/50 anyway and they asked me to help them.”

“He told me I overstepped the boundaries. “

“He explicitly forbade me from speaking to kids in Spanish.”

“I tried to understand why it was such a problem and asked him but he told me to stop asking.”

“Said the topic was finished and tried to leave.”

“I asked what he was hiding and he called me a *itch, an a**hole and some other names.”

“This was the first time he ever insulted me in any way shape or form.”

“He apologized later that day and said he didn’t appreciate me teaching them things like that and asked me to please drop the subject.”

“I talked with my friends and some say I wasn’t the a**hole.”

“But some say that I should’ve asked him first and not teach kids anything without his permission and I am confused.”

“AITA for teaching them Spanish?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. There are two large problems here that I see, and I think you heavily need to consider before marrying this man…”

“He is extremely controlling over things which do not matter and overreacts.”

“If this was an actual thing that really affecting his children, I’d understand, but you are not.”

“Even if he apologized later, his initial response should be a huge, giant, neon red flag.”

“He has ‘forbidden’ you from speaking to Spanish.”

“Which is a very blatant attempt to erase your language and culture from the household.”

“You will never be able to be your own person around him, only the person he wants you to be.”

“ETA: The random, expected martyrdom attitude people have towards OP is disgusting.”

“OP, you are not obligated under any circumstance (morally or legally) to endure any form of abuse to either ‘protect, save or shield’ these children.”

“Get out for you, because that is all you can do.”

“Staying on their behalf does them no good, anyways.”  ~ SpookyArmadillo

“I think he’s trying to erase their mother’s culture, rather than OP’s.”

“Not much better a scenario, though.”

“OP, put a pause on the wedding.”

“He is either one of those racists who think learning a foreign language makes English speaking white people less than (in which case, run).”

“Or he is trying to prevent his kids accessing their maternal culture, and going about it in a really toxic way.”

“The former is irredeemable.”

“The latter could possibly be salvaged through therapy, but don’t get married just yet.”  ~ Narcdoff

“He could also be concerned that if kids know Spanish and OP knows Spanish that they will all talk in Spanish and he’ll be in the dark?”

“Could also be some trauma left over from the kids mother?”

“But for sure NTA but personally I would be MUCH more upset about the name calling.”

“There was certainly no excuse for that and I would be making it clear that if it happens again, it’ll be the last time cause I’ll be gone.”  ~ Elementary57

“NTA. Why would he care. He’s controlling.”

“You don’t just forbid someone to do something and say end of discussion.”

“What a jerk.”  ~ Applecity82

“NTA. It’s harmless to teach the kids Spanish no matter their family history.”

“Would he object unto your teaching them math or reading?”

“He sound like a piece of work. Consider yourself warned.” ~ This_Cauliflower1986

NTA! The kids asked you and there was no reason you would have had any reason to suspect that it would be a problem.”

“It’s a totally normal thing to do.”

“And teaching a language is a great way to connect and bond with kids, especially if they want you to!”

“Based on the info you gave about your fiancée’s history, I suspect the Spanish language is a sore spot for him because of his ex.”

“But there’s no way you could have known that, and his reaction was awful.”  ~ Professional_Post969

“NTA and whoa Holy Red Flag, Batman! This is your language, too!”

“He can’t erase your culture.”

“Have you never spoken Spanish in front of them before?”

“The fact that he verbally insulted and attacked you for something like this is a bit scary.”

“You’re going to be walking on eggshells forever wondering if what you’re doing in the moment is going to cause this behavior again.”

“Had he just been calm and discussed it, that’s one thing, but you’re right, sounds extremely suspect.”

“Is it possible the situation with his ex is not what he told you?”

“And he’s worried that if the kids understand her language they will find out something?”  ~ Adorable_Accident440

“NTA. Think long and hard before getting married.”

“Why such heavy insults over a language??”

“With this being his ex’s native language are their some unresolved feelings over her.”

“A step parent teaching her step kids another language especially her native language that will help the kids communicate with her family is in no way a bad thing.”  ~ JayGeeEdin

“NTA. He is either controlling, very afraid of being ‘left out’ by not understanding Spanish or afraid of getting reminded of his ex or something.”

“But unless the ex abused him in Spanish, it makes absolutely no sense that his personal issues should affect his kids negatively.”

“That is bad parenting.”

“And since spanish is your language it is also being a bad partner.”

“He needs to get over it, or you need a new boyfriend.”  ~ discordian_floof

“NTA. The more languages the better to my way of thinking.”

“Sounds kind of like he’s hiding something about their mom. But anywho.”

“Tell him they asked you first and you thought it would be great cause then they’d be able to converse with your parents on Snapchat or Facebook or whatever.”

“Let him know that the more he is against it the more his kids will want to learn it because it is their desire or they wouldn’t have asked you.”  ~ Otherwise-Topic-1791

Well OP, you have quite the situation on your hands.

Reddit is definitely in your corner.

Sounds like you need to have a major talk with your guy.

Maybe with a therapist.