Holding on to old friends through changing life trajectories, relocations, and years of growing up can be a difficult task.
And as a recent post to the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated, the changes can be dramatic too.
The Original Poster (OP), who has since deleted their account, left readers intrigued with his title for the post.
“AITA for kicking out my best friend after she confronted me about my terminal condition?”
OP began with some key details.
“A little backstory here. I [27-year-old male] was recently diagnosed with a terminal condition – a form of advanced brain tumor which, unfortunately, was not identified at the right time.
“My sister, who is currently in Australia, is the only family I have.”
Someone else, however, was far more important to OP.
“Ok, so now to my best friend. Beth and I have been inseparable ever since we were in elementary school.”
“For over 20 years, we have been there for each other through the best and worst parts of life. She is, for all intents and purposes, my second sister.”
But nothing lasts forever.
“Beth has been seeing this guy for the past one and a half years, and got engaged six months back.”
“For the past one year, I’ve almost lost all contact with her. We did speak occasionally when our group of friends gathered together, but that was it.”
“There was only one video call on New Year’s where she hinted that her fiancé did not like her friendship with me, and that for maintaining her relationship, it would be best to go our separate ways.”
“I agreed, and decided to respect her decision.”
So OP knew who to call when things got bad.
“Fast forward four months later, and I had hit rock bottom after being diagnosed.”
“I turned to my sister for emotional support but due to the distance, it was difficult for us to interact constantly.”
“She’s currently in quarantine, so it’s not possible for her to travel anytime soon.”
OP also made a significant, but intentional choice.
“I did not tell Beth about my condition as I was still apprehensive about our conversation on New Year’s.”
“Incidentally, my sister is best friends with Beth too. In fact, it was always the three of us since childhood.”
But it wasn’t quite that simple.
“And Beth eventually found out about my condition, and came up to my house yesterday. I was surprised but happy to see her, and asked her what brought her here.”
“She went into a fit, screaming at me about how devastated she was to learn about my condition from someone other than me…”
“…how I was being selfish by not telling her anything, and that I had disregarded our practically life-long friendship by hiding this from her.”
OP saw red.
“At this point, all the frustration that had built up in me for the last few months came bursting out, and I called her out for painting me as selfish, when it was actually her who had cut contact with me.”
“I told her that I made a mistake by thinking that she would always be there for me.”
“After almost ten minutes of accusations being thrown around, I asked her to get the hell out of my house and never show me her face again.”
“AITA for behaving the way I did?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors threw their full support behind OP.
Many accused Beth of giving mixed signals.
“NTA – she didn’t want to hear from you and then got mad that she didn’t hear from you?”
“Also even if what she said was true, what’s with the melodramatics? At most, it warranted a conversation – the screaming and ‘woe is me’ nonsense is too much.” — Icy_Special5697
“NTA. She can’t have it both ways – she is either your friend and involved in your life or she isn’t.” — Queen_of_Nuggets
“NTA She’s cut ties and moved on from you, but believes that she’s entitled to your consideration. She knocked on your door and everything is about her and her butt pain. Not even a hearty, ‘How do you do?’ “
“You can still cherish your memories of her friendship. Sadly, she isn’t much of a friend anymore. Forget about her and get on with your life.” — bolshoich
“NTA. Even if something you said was over the top in any way she asked to go separate ways… And now you’re terminal and she conveniently forgot that?”
“At that point, your anger and frustration is understandable and I don’t blame you for anything you said. You deserve an apology.” — Cutie3pnt14159
Others couldn’t believe how she ended things.
“Beth ditched her lifelong best friend because her boyfriend is too insecure with her having a male friend. She wasn’t entitled to anything from you.”
“If she wanted to reconcile that’s on her but you don’t do that the way she did. NTA.” — DrWhoop87
“NTA What a shi**y friend. Hey let me just give up a life-long friendship because my boyfriend is a controlling a**hole.” — BlackberryNeon
Others were stunned by what Beth chose to focus on.
“NTA. Beth’s reaction was inappropriate, making it all about her. I am devastated for you, and, against all odds, hope for the best for you.” — Weskit
“So you’re terminally ill and Beth somehow manages to make it all about her? NTA!”
“I hope your hospital is offering some sort of support group, if not look online for groups in your area. There’s support out there if you’re open to receive it.” — ApartLocksmith1
“NTA. She found out her best friend was dying and her chosen response was to add more stress to your life and make it about her?”
“The correct response would be to apologize for abandoning you and ask what she can do to make up for it. Screaming at a sick person for the crime of respecting her boundaries is insane.”
“I hope you are able to find some support groups (maybe the doctor you saw will have some suggestions?).” — cassowary32
We wish OP all the comfort and well-being possible given his circumstances. And, of course, we hope he doesn’t have to deal with any more stress like this.