Having house guests can be stressful.
When those guests are family, it makes it even more awkward.
A parent whose son and pregnant wife are staying with them rent-free turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict over household chores.
Status-Parfait-9956 asked:
“AITA for telling my kinda daughter-in-law (DIL) she isn’t giving birth to Jesus and if she doesn’t clean then she can get out of my home?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My son and his girlfriend have been dating since college. They graduated last year and are 22 and 23.”
“They used to have an apartment together, but soon found out she was pregnant. I was not happy when they informed me.”
“I knew they could not afford it, but they wanted to keep the baby They also are doing a shotgun wedding soon.”
“Soon after they asked to move into my home. It is a large home with plenty of space. They wanted to save money for the baby.”
“I made it clear they will need to do chores and buy their own food.”
“They agreed, but are so messy. I have talked to both of them before and they keep telling me they will do better.”
“My son has been traveling for a job and it became clear that she is the one being a mess. In short, she is a slob.”
“She leaves dishes out constantly; her stuff is all over the house, and her bathroom is so gross.”
“I have talked to her over and over again. I have talked to my son and he has talked to her.”
“She is 8 months pregnant, and her excuse is she can not clean… well, she hasn’t been cleaning since she moved in 6 months ago.”
“I came home with groceries and tripped over her shoes. I had enough.”
“I told her that she isn’t giving birth to Jesus, and if she doesn’t clean, then she can get out of my house.”
“She started to cry, and my son was pissed at me. I reminded him that I was doing them a huge favor and doubled down on cleaning.”
“If she doesn’t start cleaning now, then she will not with a baby. I can not live with that. If she doesn’t shape up, she will get out.”
“They had 6 months to save up money. This is literally her last chance. I don’t care how close she is. My son can find the apartment for them to move in to.”
“If I have to start charging rent to get a cleaning service, I will just tell them to get their own place.”
“I am not going to play the game of trying to get money from them.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“AITA for telling my DIL that she is not giving birth to Jesus and she can clean or get out of my house. I may have been way too harsh and could be an a** for that.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“I’m going to reluctantly say NTA because technically you’re in the right, but really you should have dealt with this months ago. After she has the baby she’s not going to get a full nights sleep for months and she sounds like she’s high risk for PPD which, yeah…”
“Not sure what your living situation is, but if I was in your shoes I’d divide the house up and put one of them or myself in an apartment and then just start charging them rent if they’re so messy it’s damaging your property.”
“Ignore the people that are going to tell you to kick em out. Don’t do that to your grandson.” ~ Conscious_Hotel_5538
“NTA. There are women out there who are (or were) ready to pop, taking care of a house and toddler on their own while working. I personally know a few.”
“You ARE doing them a favor. It’s not your job anymore to take care of them and definitely not your job to take care of their baby.”
“While it is nice to have a grandparent that’s involved, that doesn’t mean a grandparent that is playing maid, chef, landlord, part-time parent to adults and baby. You gave them the conditions on which you’d house them. They are no longer following them.”
“If you want to completely cover your butt, because I don’t know what kind of people your DIL and son are, start doing things in writing. They have until X to clean up and continue to maintain their part of the house to a minimum standard or else they can no longer live in your home.”
“However, if they decide to name their baby Jesus, I would have to laugh.” ~ Beneficial_Local1012
“I just had a baby 10 days ago. Know what I was doing 11 days ago? Cleaning the damn house cause no one is gonna do it for me. Oh, and guess what I did today? Yeah, I cleaned the damn house.”
“She is preganant, not teminally ill. Also her hormones should be making her nest—usually that means wanting sh*t clean. NTA.”
“People it’s 2024. I am not hauling buckets of water or bashing clothes by the riverbank. Putting a plate in the dishwasher, moving a sweeper over the floor, and pressing the button on the laundry machine will not make me herniate.”
“Also I have a perfectly good support system. In my country every woman gets a post partum nurse, for free.”
“Also getting back to normal quickly is good for recovery. As long as you listen to your body you will be fine.” ~ AdeptAd3224
“This is only going to get worse. Soon you will be tripping over dirty diapers and rotting formula bottles and trying to get rid of cockroaches and rodents.”
“Living with your DIL will make you resentful of your grandkid. Throwing her out will make your son resent you and also interfere with you having a healthy relationship with your grandkid.”
NTA. She either cleans up after herself in your home or she can hope someone will clean up after her in the nearest shelter.”
“Best write the eviction notice now. If your address is legally her address, it’ll be hard to throw her out.” ~ sassychubzilla
“I think OP needs to be firm with her boundaries and lay out real life consequences. It may seem cruel now but kicking them out is truly the best thing. NTA.”
“Yes, you may lose your son because this is how entitled people act. They get angry when you no longer tolerate their disrespect, but in the long run you are doing your son the biggest favor.”
“You are teaching him actions have consequences and maybe while they’re out on the streets maybe they will start to become more responsible. Right now they see you as a pushover and someone to use and abuse because you love them.
“They think it’s their God given right to do what they want because you’re his mother and should be taking care of his wife.”
“Time for him to man the f up and start taking responsibility for his actions instead of running to mommy when life gets hard.” ~ puddinglove
But some felt everybody sucked (ESH).
“ESH. While some cleaning chemicals and chores might need to be avoided while pregnant, she can certainly do the bare minimum of not leaving a mess.”
“But why are you just threatening to kick her out when your son is also part of the problem? He should be cleaning up after himself and he should be helping out his pregnant girlfriend.” ~ 0biterdicta
“‘If she doesn’t start cleaning at 8 months pregnant then she won’t with a baby’—like yeah, sure. But now she’s 8 months pregnant.”
“Is it objectively horrendously messy, or do you have exacting standards? Not saying you can’t have those standards, but standards differ.”
“Is her bathroom (which I presume you don’t have to go into) just a cluttered counter when you prefer to keep them bare? Or is there sh*t stains on the toilet as developed as her baby?”
“If the latter, NTA. But if the former, ESH. She should be putting dishes away after using them.”
“You’re well within your right to want things to the standard you want, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t holding someone to too high of a standard, especially if they are significantly pregnant.”
“It feels kind of like you’re mad at her for getting pregnant and then rushing to get married and venting it out in this way instead.” ~ ardryhs
“Honestly ESH. She should take care to be more tidy, but honestly you don’t care if you’re an a**hole. You just came here to vent, and get vindicated for your point of view.”
“If you were willing to kick out your son, the mother of his child, and unborn grandchild without any guilt or worry over the outside perception it will cause, you would have done it.” ~ BassFace1026
“ESH. You can’t tell me that these two had a sparkling clean apartment and suddenly changed to slobs for no reason when they moved in with you. You knew what they were and you let them move in.”
“Why are you surprised? For crying out loud, you raised your son. You are shocked that he is a slob who is okay living with a bigger slob?”
“And screaming at your DIL is not a solution, and frankly, you’re old enough to know that. Waiting until your son is not at home and your DIL is 8 months along to have your screaming fit really doesn’t make me have much sympathy for you.”
“Look, either you are willing to support them to some extent for the sake of your future grandchild, or you’re not. The choice is yours.”
“If you feel like they are abusing your generosity then give them a move out date and accept the pieces as they fall. Decide what you’re willing to risk to have a clean house.”
“Likewise your son and DIL need to decide what they’re willing to do to provide for their future kid.” ~ MeanestGoose
We hope that this family can find a better balance when it comes to the household chores before the baby comes because there’s sure to be far more to be done around the house.