Usually, when someone stays at other people's homes they do their best to be clean and courteous.
A person's home is not a hotel where everyone tends to go crazy sometimes.
That's why there are so many agreements packed into Airbnb contracts.
People don't want to come home to a mess, especially if the stay was free and someone was being given a favor.
These situations can turn to turmoil fast.
Redditor Different-Sea-9912 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for kicking my sister's boyfriend out of my vacation home?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My husband 'Ky' and I own a vacation home on Lake Michigan."
"We both own it technically, but it was his before we got married (this becomes relevant later)."
"My sister 'Lia' has been using our vacation home since Ky and I started dating."
"We don't mind."
"She is always clean and courteous, and leaves it better than she found it."
"However, she started dating her B[oy]F[riend] 'Al' about a year ago, and I can't say the same for him."
"Al is a total slob."
"He leaves dirty dishes, empty bottles, etc everywhere and expects Lia to clean up."
"He has split custody of two young kids from his ex, who he just lets run free, expecting Lia to do the work even though they're HIS kids."
"On top of that, he's told Lia to get him a beer while she's busy and he's watching TV a few times in front of Ky and me, so I can't imagine how he treats her when we're not around."
"Their house is always a mess because Lia works 60 hours a week and doesn't have the time to take care of two small kids and Al, clean, and work long hours."
"Yet somehow, I think Lia really loves Al."
"She looks at him like he is the only man in the world."
"When she talks about him, her eyes light up and her voice is sweet and melodic."
"That's why when Lia asked if she and Al could use the vacation home this week, I said yes."
"I figured what's the worst that could happen."
"Plus, Ky and I already planned on going three days after them, so we'd overlap."
"When Ky and I got there, the vacation house was a pig sty."
"It smelled like rotting food."
"There was a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, the floor was sticky and there were drawings on the walls with crayons."
"We got to the living room, where lo and behold Lia was scrambling to pick up toys and Al was drinking a beer in a rocking chair."
"I immediately snatched the beer from his hand and asked him why he wasn't cleaning the mess he made."
"He asked why I assumed it was him and not Lia."
"I said it's because I'm not an idiot."
"He just chuckled and said Lia was doing the cleaning and there didn't need to be two people cleaning."
"His nonchalance really ticked me off, so I told him he and his sticky kids had an hour to pack up their things and leave before I called the cops."
"Al looked at Ky and Ky was like, 'What are you looking at ME for? Go pack!'"
"At this point, Lia was really upset with me."
"She said they were looking forward to unwinding and I walked in and ruined it in 5 minutes, not even considering other resolutions to the conflict."
"Plus I had no claim to the house since I didn't buy it myself."
"I told her there is no conflict–Al is deadweight and that's that."
"And as for the house, Ky 'owns' it and he was with me."
"She said if Al was leaving, she was leaving too."
"That night, I got a call from my mom asking why I kicked Lia out."
"I told her I kicked AL out and Lia followed."
"My mom told me I need to be more accepting of new members of the family and that not everyone has the same living style as me."
"Now she's mad, and Lia won't talk to me."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Was I TA in this situation?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Feels like your mom doesn't have the full picture of Al that you do."
"Obviously, Al is an a**hole."
"You aren't. NTA."
"My unsolicited advice is that in future interactions continue to call out Al's behavior as unacceptable."
"Only act through the defense of your sister."
"Don't call out her bad choice of Al at all, don't do a 'Why are you doing X for him?'"
"Just call out Al's laziness."
"'Get me a beer" garners a 'What are your legs and arms broken?'"
"Not cleaning? 'Pick up after your kids' - 'Wash your dirty dishes, jerk.'"
"Just continue to point out that Al is a lazy a**hole who thinks he needs to be treated like he's the master of the house." ~ SoImaRedditUserNow
"I agree with this."
"Calling out and focusing on Al's bad behavior in public is what I suggest you do."
"Emphasize that Al is treating your sister like a maid and that is not what a good partner would do."
"You respect your sister's choices but you will never support bad behavior."
"OP you are NTA." ~ jschul252
"Honestly, I would still point out the sister when she's doing wrong."
"Not what Al does wrong."
"But when she gets defensive."
"They want to unwind 'Is the kids using the walls as paper unwinding? You know why we are disappointed.'"
"Because she's defending them trashing the vacation home."
"That still needs to be pointed out."
"They aren't being kicked out for Al being rude alone."
"And for the mom, I would 'Oh great. You will drop by to re-paint the walls? Wash floors? Well, that's lovely to hear, Mother. Maybe they can do that at your place. But not here.'" ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
"Also, don't forget that Lia is now acting like that too - saying her sister doesn't have the right to kick her out as she didn't buy the house? Um."
"That's not how it works."
"Ownership by marriage is legally valid so sis had every right to kick her entitled sister out of HER vacation home."
"Her hubby also was 1000% awesome to back it up since Al looked to him to validate."
"Sis left because she knew her man was wrong and she doubled down to protect him but this is just the beginning."
"He sounds like trash and I hope she sees it before worse happens." ~ sjyffl
"Agreed, but it would be better if it came from OP's husband going forward."
"The other men in the family need to point out to Al that his lazy a** and chauvinist attitude is not acceptable to the family."
"Lay out some rules upfront, when they visit your home, Al is expected to do his part in watching his kids and keeping the house clean."
"Remind your mom, that you expect all guests to your home to clean up after themselves and not make a mess, otherwise they can go stay at a hotel." ~ jackb6ii
"When someone is letting you use their place, the bare minimum is you're expected to leave it in at least the same state you found it."
"He let his kids draw on the walls, and he couldn't be bothered to at least do the dishes."
"Lia should be asking herself if she sees a future with this man."
"If they have kids, she won't be getting any help from him."
"His idea of a relationship is one where he sits on his ass with a beer while she does all the domestic work, including looking after his kids."
"He's not a partner, he's a leech."
"She needs to remind herself she deserves better. NTA." ~ anm313
"NTA. I think most of us have been in relationships like this."
"We can't see the bad stuff when we're drowning in the sewage water."
"I hope your sister sees it before she marries him."
"No one deserves a deadbeat dad/bf/husband who mooches off their girlfriend, etc." ~ gaymerladydragon
"NTA - you were absolutely in the right here."
"AND, your husband backed you up."
"You and your husband are a team and need to be respected as such."
"This new boyfriend sounds like an absolute deadweight who needs to leave everyone alone, including Lia, ASAP." ~ Radiant_Composer_454
"NTA. This is pretty obvious, and I don't understand why you're even asking about it."
"Al is a f**king slob."
"Lia is enabling his slovenliness, and his children are going to grow up with very distorted ideas of civilized, polite behavior, especially in someone else's house."
"She was looking forward to unwinding?"
"Well, maybe you and your husband were also, but couldn't because you had to clean up their freaking mess."
"As for what the rest of the family thinks, tell them to mind their own business." ~ Cranky70something
"NTA. You took out the trash."
"Tell your mom if she wants to watch your sister being abused, she can buy them a vacation house." ~ PrettiestFrog
"NTA. The disrespect of your home is enough to get them kicked out."
"Take pictures and show mom."
"I'm not usually this kind of person, but if the crayon marks won't clean up, tell Lia she can't come back until he pays for it." ~ Lurker-78
"NTA. I agree with the comment about taking pictures of the mess to send your mom."
"I also wonder what version of the story she heard from your sister."
"I'm thinking send the pics in a family group chat along with a message saying that anyone who can't respect your property is not invited to the vacation home." ~ FarmerBaker_3
"NTA. Keep that filthy man away from all your properties."
"What's more keep calling him out on everything, keep driving in the point that he's a lazy slob that cares only about himself, and hope that one day (and hopefully sooner than later) your sister will lose her rose-colored glasses and see him for what he really is." ~ Dmpoaod_v2
"Lia can accept whatever disgusting behavior she wants from her guy but expecting others to put up with it, especially when you gave them a place to stay, is ridiculous."
"Your mom needs to stay out of it, you aren't kids fighting over a toy."
"Your sister appears to be extremely forgiving of Al when most people would've kicked him to the curb ages ago."
"She has zero self-esteem if she puts up with him but that's not your problem."
"NTA for kicking him out" ~ TaylorMade2566
"NTA. You kicked out your sister's boyfriend, not your sister." ~ xXven0mous24Xx
Well, OP, the Reddit crew is loud and clear with their thoughts.
YOUR house, YOUR rules.
It's sad that your sister is allowing herself to be treated this way.
After everything calms down, hopefully, you and Lia and your Mom can have a serious chat about her relationship.
You and Ky make a great team.
Good luck.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.