Usually, when someone stays at other people’s homes they do their best to be clean and courteous.
A person’s home is not a hotel where everyone tends to go crazy sometimes.
That’s why there are so many agreements packed into Airbnb contracts.
People don’t want to come home to a mess, especially if the stay was free and someone was being given a favor.
These situations can turn to turmoil fast.
Redditor Different-Sea-9912 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for kicking my sister’s boyfriend out of my vacation home?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband ‘Ky’ and I own a vacation home on Lake Michigan.”
“We both own it technically, but it was his before we got married (this becomes relevant later).”
“My sister ‘Lia’ has been using our vacation home since Ky and I started dating.”
“We don’t mind.”
“She is always clean and courteous, and leaves it better than she found it.”
“However, she started dating her B[oy]F[riend] ‘Al’ about a year ago, and I can’t say the same for him.”
“Al is a total slob.”
“He leaves dirty dishes, empty bottles, etc everywhere and expects Lia to clean up.”
“He has split custody of two young kids from his ex, who he just lets run free, expecting Lia to do the work even though they’re HIS kids.”
“On top of that, he’s told Lia to get him a beer while she’s busy and he’s watching TV a few times in front of Ky and me, so I can’t imagine how he treats her when we’re not around.”
“Their house is always a mess because Lia works 60 hours a week and doesn’t have the time to take care of two small kids and Al, clean, and work long hours.”
“Yet somehow, I think Lia really loves Al.”
“She looks at him like he is the only man in the world.”
“When she talks about him, her eyes light up and her voice is sweet and melodic.”
“That’s why when Lia asked if she and Al could use the vacation home this week, I said yes.”
“I figured what’s the worst that could happen.”
“Plus, Ky and I already planned on going three days after them, so we’d overlap.”
“When Ky and I got there, the vacation house was a pig sty.”
“It smelled like rotting food.”
“There was a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, the floor was sticky and there were drawings on the walls with crayons.”
“We got to the living room, where lo and behold Lia was scrambling to pick up toys and Al was drinking a beer in a rocking chair.”
“I immediately snatched the beer from his hand and asked him why he wasn’t cleaning the mess he made.”
“He asked why I assumed it was him and not Lia.”
“I said it’s because I’m not an idiot.”
“He just chuckled and said Lia was doing the cleaning and there didn’t need to be two people cleaning.”
“His nonchalance really ticked me off, so I told him he and his sticky kids had an hour to pack up their things and leave before I called the cops.”
“Al looked at Ky and Ky was like, ‘What are you looking at ME for? Go pack!’”
“At this point, Lia was really upset with me.”
“She said they were looking forward to unwinding and I walked in and ruined it in 5 minutes, not even considering other resolutions to the conflict.”
“Plus I had no claim to the house since I didn’t buy it myself.”
“I told her there is no conflict–Al is deadweight and that’s that.”
“And as for the house, Ky ‘owns’ it and he was with me.”
“She said if Al was leaving, she was leaving too.”
“That night, I got a call from my mom asking why I kicked Lia out.”
“I told her I kicked AL out and Lia followed.”
“My mom told me I need to be more accepting of new members of the family and that not everyone has the same living style as me.”
“Now she’s mad, and Lia won’t talk to me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Was I TA in this situation?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Feels like your mom doesn’t have the full picture of Al that you do.”
“Obviously, Al is an a**hole.”
“You aren’t. NTA.”
“My unsolicited advice is that in future interactions continue to call out Al’s behavior as unacceptable.”
“Only act through the defense of your sister.”
“Don’t call out her bad choice of Al at all, don’t do a ‘Why are you doing X for him?'”
“Just call out Al’s laziness.”
“‘Get me a beer” garners a ‘What are your legs and arms broken?'”
“Not cleaning? ‘Pick up after your kids’ – ‘Wash your dirty dishes, jerk.'”
“Just continue to point out that Al is a lazy a**hole who thinks he needs to be treated like he’s the master of the house.” ~ SoImaRedditUserNow
“I agree with this.”
“Calling out and focusing on Al’s bad behavior in public is what I suggest you do.”
“Emphasize that Al is treating your sister like a maid and that is not what a good partner would do.”
“You respect your sister’s choices but you will never support bad behavior.”
“OP you are NTA.” ~ jschul252
“Honestly, I would still point out the sister when she’s doing wrong.”
“Not what Al does wrong.”
“But when she gets defensive.”
“They want to unwind ‘Is the kids using the walls as paper unwinding? You know why we are disappointed.'”
“Because she’s defending them trashing the vacation home.”
“That still needs to be pointed out.”
“They aren’t being kicked out for Al being rude alone.”
“And for the mom, I would ‘Oh great. You will drop by to re-paint the walls? Wash floors? Well, that’s lovely to hear, Mother. Maybe they can do that at your place. But not here.'” ~ Dangerous-WinterElf
“Also, don’t forget that Lia is now acting like that too – saying her sister doesn’t have the right to kick her out as she didn’t buy the house? Um.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“Ownership by marriage is legally valid so sis had every right to kick her entitled sister out of HER vacation home.”
“Her hubby also was 1000% awesome to back it up since Al looked to him to validate.”
“Sis left because she knew her man was wrong and she doubled down to protect him but this is just the beginning.”
“He sounds like trash and I hope she sees it before worse happens.” ~ sjyffl
“Agreed, but it would be better if it came from OP’s husband going forward.”
“The other men in the family need to point out to Al that his lazy a** and chauvinist attitude is not acceptable to the family.”
“Lay out some rules upfront, when they visit your home, Al is expected to do his part in watching his kids and keeping the house clean.”
“Remind your mom, that you expect all guests to your home to clean up after themselves and not make a mess, otherwise they can go stay at a hotel.” ~ jackb6ii
“When someone is letting you use their place, the bare minimum is you’re expected to leave it in at least the same state you found it.”
“He let his kids draw on the walls, and he couldn’t be bothered to at least do the dishes.”
“Lia should be asking herself if she sees a future with this man.”
“If they have kids, she won’t be getting any help from him.”
“His idea of a relationship is one where he sits on his ass with a beer while she does all the domestic work, including looking after his kids.”
“He’s not a partner, he’s a leech.”
“She needs to remind herself she deserves better. NTA.” ~ anm313
“NTA. I think most of us have been in relationships like this.”
“We can’t see the bad stuff when we’re drowning in the sewage water.”
“I hope your sister sees it before she marries him.”
“No one deserves a deadbeat dad/bf/husband who mooches off their girlfriend, etc.” ~ gaymerladydragon
“NTA – you were absolutely in the right here.”
“AND, your husband backed you up.”
“You and your husband are a team and need to be respected as such.”
“This new boyfriend sounds like an absolute deadweight who needs to leave everyone alone, including Lia, ASAP.” ~ Radiant_Composer_454
“NTA. This is pretty obvious, and I don’t understand why you’re even asking about it.”
“Al is a f**king slob.”
“Lia is enabling his slovenliness, and his children are going to grow up with very distorted ideas of civilized, polite behavior, especially in someone else’s house.”
“She was looking forward to unwinding?”
“Well, maybe you and your husband were also, but couldn’t because you had to clean up their freaking mess.”
“As for what the rest of the family thinks, tell them to mind their own business.” ~ Cranky70something
“NTA. You took out the trash.”
“Tell your mom if she wants to watch your sister being abused, she can buy them a vacation house.” ~ PrettiestFrog
“NTA. The disrespect of your home is enough to get them kicked out.”
“Take pictures and show mom.”
“I’m not usually this kind of person, but if the crayon marks won’t clean up, tell Lia she can’t come back until he pays for it.” ~ Lurker-78
“NTA. I agree with the comment about taking pictures of the mess to send your mom.”
“I also wonder what version of the story she heard from your sister.”
“I’m thinking send the pics in a family group chat along with a message saying that anyone who can’t respect your property is not invited to the vacation home.” ~ FarmerBaker_3
“NTA. Keep that filthy man away from all your properties.”
“What’s more keep calling him out on everything, keep driving in the point that he’s a lazy slob that cares only about himself, and hope that one day (and hopefully sooner than later) your sister will lose her rose-colored glasses and see him for what he really is.” ~ Dmpoaod_v2
“Lia can accept whatever disgusting behavior she wants from her guy but expecting others to put up with it, especially when you gave them a place to stay, is ridiculous.”
“Your mom needs to stay out of it, you aren’t kids fighting over a toy.”
“Your sister appears to be extremely forgiving of Al when most people would’ve kicked him to the curb ages ago.”
“She has zero self-esteem if she puts up with him but that’s not your problem.”
“NTA for kicking him out” ~ TaylorMade2566
“NTA. You kicked out your sister’s boyfriend, not your sister.” ~ xXven0mous24Xx
Well, OP, the Reddit crew is loud and clear with their thoughts.
YOUR house, YOUR rules.
It’s sad that your sister is allowing herself to be treated this way.
After everything calms down, hopefully, you and Lia and your Mom can have a serious chat about her relationship.
You and Ky make a great team.
Good luck.