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Family Livid After Dead Son’s Ex-Wife Calls Him Out For Cheating In His Gravestone’s Inscription

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Death can be awkward.

Death is of course tragic, but for some it can be awkward.

Like when couples fall out, hate one another and one dies, leaving the other in the middle of a mess.

Do you just move on and forget the bitterness?

Or do you get even?

Who’s to say?

Case in point…

Redditor One-Poetry9190 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for not paying to change my father’s gravely insulting gravestone?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My father and mother had a very bitter marriage towards the end of his life.”

“He had a long running affair with another married co-worker and got her pregnant before he passed.”

“He was planning to leave my mom, skip the country and move to Canada to start a new life with her.”

“They had a house picked out and all.”

“He had moved out and was living with his co-worker when he suddenly died of a heart attack while having sex.”

“Divorce papers were never filed, no legal separation.”

“They were in the process of moving all things legal.”

“But on paper, they were still happily married.”

“Now me and my siblings are already out of home, our youngest sibling is 19 and is in college.”

“I work for a tech company and I’m currently back in my hometown helping my mom manage his estate.”

“Well, my mom was hurt and petty and marked his gravestone as ‘In loving memory of John Doe, son, husband, father and adulterer.'”

“My dad’s family and his pregnant partner are mad and want me to fix it.”

“I personally think it’s fine, that’s who he was.”

“He was all of those things.”

“And since it’s my mom’s plot, I can’t do anything.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“This is a level of petty I aspire to achieve.”

“I feel bad for the baby, but what else can you expect when you knowingly let a married man knock you up? NTA.” ~ cutelittlehellbeast

“I agree with everything she did.”

“And it’s sad your grandparents/aunts/uncles/what-have-you are trying to get you or any of your siblings to stand against your mom.”

“Your dad screwed up and maybe was screwing her over so let her have this.”

“Technically they could try to pay and change it in the future if they give her some room for pettiness now.”

“The only thing I feel a twinge of sympathy for is the illegitimate child.”

“I am a big family person and like it or not, it’s your half-sib and the future kid didn’t ask for this.”

“If I were one of you or your sibs I would advocate for dad’s family to begin a college fund with a minimal setup (similar to what we have here in FL, the 529 investment plan).”

“Someone could put in a $1000 and just leave it to grow so the kid gets a little something in case his home-wrecker-mother continues to receive bad karma throughout illegitimate-half-sibs life over her f**k-ups.”

“I haven’t been where you’ve been but if you/sibs/or mom have room for sympathy for the future child that is my suggestion.”

“Otherwise her in-laws can go eat a bag of d**ks and direct their frustration at your dad for not going the proper route and divorcing/dividing BEFORE moving on.”  ~ otownbbw

Your mom is the MVP I love her.” ~ n_q50

“I would DIE (no pun intended) if I was walking through a cemetery and saw that!”

“Your mom is an icon. NTA.”

“I hope she burns his old shirts or something.”

“Also, while going through estate papers and talking to lawyers, ask about what rights the side piece will have in claiming money for her kid, since it was your dad‘a kid too.”

“Just so you’re all prepared.” ~ NatureWoman22

OP responded…

“Side piece is currently 9 months pregnant, about to pop any day.”

“My mom has lawyered up and since my dad died intestate, according to our state laws everything goes to mom.”

“Mom won’t leave anything for side piece.”

“She is going to leave it for us once she passes.” 

Reddit continued…

“I don’t blame Dad’s family for being horrified.”

“On top of losing their son/sibling, they’re having to see his reputation destroyed on his own gravestone.”

“That’s got to be humiliating for ALL of them.”

“But I also don’t blame Mom, for reasons I listed earlier.”

“It’s a horrible situation no matter which side you’re on, and unfortunately for OP there’s no happy ending to be had.”

“But nowhere in this sad drama is it OP’s fault, nor is it his responsibility to wrangle his Mom.” ~ MamaFen

“NTA – it’s not yours, it’s your mom’s to deal with.”

“She’s given her answer on the matter, so it’s closed.”

“If they’re so offended by the accurate description, then perhaps they should go buy a park bench at a park and dedicate it to him how they want to dedicate it to him and go there to ‘visit’ him.”

“This is so not your problem at all.”

“By the way, your mom is awesome.” ~ No-Policy-4095

“NTA. He decided for a long time that he wanted to be an adulterer rather than file divorce papers.”

“That leaves everybody with little legal recourse and there isn’t much you can do.” ~ ThrowRA1039485

“NTA. It’s a bit petty on your mother’s part.”

“Personally I wouldn’t have paid for a stone at all, but that’s her business I guess.”

“I would have gone with the cheapest possible option.”

“Probably Cremation and mail the box of ashes to the other woman to do whatever with.” ~ KitIungere

“Low brow and trashy, just like OP’s dad. Kind of fitting, don’t you think?”

“Also, it really isn’t up to OP – it is her mother’s call.”

“OP is NTA , although I can see where you might consider her mother one.” ~ jmccorky

“100% agree with this.”

“Everyone’s cheering it on.”

“Yet there’s a dead man, a single woman with a child, and a child without a dad and with siblings that want nothing to do with him/her.”

“Then the child will go to his/her dad’s grave and it’s insulting.”

“Yes, he cheated and that’s rubbish.”

“But he was a living complex human being who’s not even been afforded dignity in death.”

“Feel a bit sick reading these comments cheering it on.” ~ kinder74

“Yes this 100%.”

“Also the comment where OP says that the other woman/child won’t get any money from the estate, so chances are the child might grow up impoverished too.”

“Literally punished for being born.”

“I feel so bad for this kid who’ll never know his father (he seems to have been flawed at best but still), grow up with a single mum on single income, and not even have a grave to visit that isn’t a joke.”  ~ ananchorinmychest

“I have no idea how to rule here, but to be clear – that gravestone is not ‘fine.'”

“I understand completely that your mom was and probably still is hurting.”

“What your dad did to her was completely awful and of course she’s angry about it.”

“But that doesn’t make defacing his grave site okay and it’s totally reasonable and understandable that his partner wants it changed.”

“Regardless of your mother’s personal feelings about him, there are people who love him and to whom that gravesite is important.”

“She isn’t hurting him.”

“He’s dead and therefore neither knows nor cares what his grave says.”

“She’s hurting the people left behind who loved him.”

“That said, it’s not your responsibility to fix it.”

“Your mom is the one who did it.”

“You have numerous other siblings and, I’m assuming, none of you are the ones demanding a change.”

“If his girlfriend wants it fixed, she should pay for it.”  ~ REDDIT

“NTA. Definitely nervous for your mom’s future once that baby is born though.”

“I’m not super sure how child support works internationally, let alone when it’s dealing with a deceased party and their estate.”

“But that’s definitely something that may be coming sooner than later.”

“If your mom and dad had a will, please make sure she brings this situation up to the lawyers handling it.”

“I personally have zero sympathies for a woman who intentionally sleeps with married men.”

“So I’d suggest your mother makes sure she’s not helping raise that kid with her money.” ~ madamxombie

“NTA. It’s not really clear to me why it would be your responsibility to change his gravestone.”

“But I do get why they’re upset, it was a petty move by your mom.”

“Then again, those people probably hurt her as well and this is her way of hurting them back.”  ~ Dutch-woman

“NTA. Also, I like your mom.”

“It was her responsibility as the remaining spouse to take care of burial. She did.”

“If he wanted someone else to do it he should have had a will.”

“Also, I used to be a docent at a historic cemetery.”

“These are the kinds of gravestones that historians adore.”  ~ Nylonknot

“NTA, it’s not your problem personally, financially or legally.”

“Also, what your mom did isn’t petty, it’s pain.”

“Imagine how she felt all those years, but kept it together for you and your siblings if you have any.”

“Petty is when my husband’s uncle kept bringing up the fact that one of his brothers died owing him money during the eulogy.”  ~ icruiselife

Well OP, Reddit is all in on this story.

Your family is full of high drama.

It sounds like you’re doing your best.

And that’s all you’re responsible for.

Good luck.