It’s true that many people are incredibly excited to have a baby, and some future moms will take a pregnancy test multiple times just to confirm they have a bundle of joy coming.
But it’s also true that there’s a way to go about taking a pregnancy test, like not sharing the news too early, or… stealing someone else’s pregnancy tests from their bathroom.
That appears to be exactly what happened, though, on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Final-Cheesecake-146 was, in fact, surprised when this happened in her own home.
But when her friends questioned her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was somehow wrong for speaking up in her own home.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for ruining a pregnancy announcement by telling the woman she may have taken the wrong test?”
The OP and her husband recently hosted a party for their friends.
“My husband and I (30 [male], 30 [female]) recently invited eight friends for lunch and were asked if we could also include a new couple, Doug and Sasha (both 30s).”
“We have never met them, but everyone who was invited has, so we said sure.”
While at the party, Sasha did something unexpected.
“At one point Sasha needed to use the restroom, and I told her to use the master since the other bathroom was occupied.”
“I was helping my husband finish with food when Sasha came out of the master bawling and holding something in her hand. At first, I thought she hurt herself, but she said something to Doug that caused him to drop to his knees, cry, and begin kissing her stomach.”
“All of our friends begin screaming, jumping, and crying. It was insane.”
“Finally, Sasha tells my husband and me that she is pregnant.”
“Of course, we congratulate both she and Doug and gave them a bag for the test (their request).”
“I will admit I did find it odd that she brought a pregnancy test and took it at a complete stranger’s house, but I did not say that.”
But then the OP realized where the test came from.
“Once everyone sat down to eat, Sasha said, ‘OP, I hope you don’t mind that I used one of your pregnancy tests. I just saw them and had to’.”
“I responded (confused), ‘I don’t have pregnancy tests’.”
“Sasha says, ‘Yes, in your drawer’.”
“I asked Sasha if she meant the blue box in the back of my lower left drawer that was closed.”
“She seemed to realize I was pointing out that she basically snooped and sheepishly said the box said ‘pregnancy’ for pregnancy test.”
“I said, ‘Sasha, the brand is Pregmate and those are ovulation tests. I do not own pregnancy tests. Did you take an ovulation test?'”
When the OP corrected the couple, there was immediate outrage.
“Doug freaked the absolute F out at me saying his wife was not an idiot and can read a box.”
“He insisted Sasha get the test out and show me that I’m wrong.”
“Sasha refused, saying she didn’t need to prove anything to a complete stranger, and insisted they leave immediately.”
“One of the couples thought Doug and Sasha acted ridiculously.”
“The other three couples thought I should have pulled Sasha aside to discuss my concerns and said I was an a**hole for saying something in front of everyone.”
“Honestly, the whole situation caught me off-guard and everything happened so quickly. The whole thing was bizarre and confusing.”
“I just didn’t have time to put the pieces together mentally before asking about the ovulation tests.”
“Also, I found out later through one of our friends that Sasha did take [one of my] ovulation tests, and she is not pregnant.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe Sasha was upset at the OP after she did the snooping.
“NTA. I mean who TF goes through another person’s drawers and takes any kind of test. It’s her comeuppance to have taken the wrong test and embarrassed herself.”
“Serves her right.” – VxGB111
“The only situation I could understand is if she unexpectedly started her period and had nothing on her. Literally, the only acceptable situation to go through a stranger’s bathroom drawers.”
“This is insane, to snoop through someone’s stuff, then take something, admit to it, then get mad that you took the ‘wrong’ thing and throw a tantrum.” – user100691
“Pregmate tests are the ones you’re supposed to dip. So the next question is, what else did Sasha ‘borrow’ of OP’s to pee in while she was in there?”
“I really do not care for Sasha or any of the 3 couples who didn’t have the good sense to be embarrassed that their friend/requested guest acted like a nightmare during OP’s lunch.” – pricklypetey
Others criticized Sasha for wanting the party’s attention.
“But gotta add: who announces to a whole room of people (2 of whom are total strangers she just snooped on) her pregnancy, instead of privately to her husband first?”
“Attention-seeking in so many ways.”
“OP is so NTA.” – sailingisgreat
“Right? So many early pregnancies end up in miscarriages, often before you even know you are pregnant.”
“So an early positive test could end up being a miscarriage or the hormones could still be off from the miscarriage you just had.”
“Or it could be a molar pregnancy. My friend had one of those.”
“She was so excited. Took several tests to confirm it.”
“Went to the doctor. Had her first ultrasound and no baby.”
“Had to terminate the empty sack, it was horrible for her because to her it was like she lost the baby.”
“There’s a reason most people wait until after week 12 to even begin telling people.”
“This person is a rude attention-stealing thief who got what she deserved, hopefully, this will be an embarrassing lesson for her. OP is so NTA.” – Mellcolloein
“I think the worst part to me is that she took one ‘pregnancy test’ and assumed it was telling her she was pregnant. She didn’t follow up with another one or get it confirmed with a doctor, or tell her husband at home, privately.”
“And not only is that risky because it could have been a false positive, but a lot of women wait a long while until the risk of things like miscarriage goes down to announce a pregnancy.”
“The whole thing sounds weird, tacky, and even creepy. Who the heck snoops through another woman’s bathroom and uses their pregnancy test???” – Rainingcatsnstuff
“NTA, it’s not your fault she’s nosey and can’t read. They made gigantic a**es out of themselves.” ~ covettonhouse
“NTA even if for the fact that SHE brought up using YOUR ‘pregnancy’ tests, you had every right to respond and say that they weren’t.”
“Also there’s just so many things wrong with that situation that I can’t.”
“Also if I was her husband I’d be embarrassed too.”
“Imagine only wanting a baby so someone doesn’t leave you?” ~ the_whatever_stakes
“You and your friends need to drop Doug and Sasha.”
“Sasha stole from you, peed all over the thing she stole, then got mad when the thing she stole wasn’t what she thought it was. NTA.” ~ pedestrianstripes
“NTA. You didn’t ruin anything as it wasn’t your fault she took the wrong test that she stole out of your bathroom.”
“She obviously didn’t read the package, and for all she knows it could’ve been expired.”
“She should’ve taken a test she bought herself after they left your house, took it at the privacy of her own home and double-checked by taking a second one before announcing to her partner.”
“And who wants to be with a partner that only sees you as a baby-making factory? She really needs to find a new husband.” ~ GoofyGooberette
“NTA. Her circumstances aren’t really relevant, she was in YOUR house and went through YOUR things.”
“I don’t even like going through my *parents* drawers if I’m in their restrooms/house, even though they literally could not care less if I did since they trust us and I’m over there constantly.”
“I usually holler out ‘Hey, where are the Q-tips?’ if I don’t already know, because digging through other peoples stuff SHOULD be a no-go.”
“Much less search, find, take, and PEE on them.” ~ Seventeen_Serpents
“1. She snooped
“2. She took something that is yours without asking for permission. That it was the wrong test is on her.”
“3. She announced her ‘pregnancy’ at a complete stranger’s house.”
“4. They threw a tantrum and accused you of lying.” ~ Ka_lie_doscope-Eyes
The OP returned with a detailed update after they got the scoop from mutual friends.
“First, let me thank anyone who took time to read, comment, or give an award. I am very, very, very grateful for the feedback.”
“Based on the responses, today I called up one of my friends who was present (and took Doug and Sasha’s side) and basically told her I was owed and explanation for wtf happened.”
“Here is what I found out:”
“Apparently my friends have known D&S for much longer than I realized. This is strange because they have never talked about D&S before this.”
“Doug constantly brings up wanting to have a baby every time they see him.”
“One night Sasha confided in the women that Doug divorced his first wife because she was ‘old and infertile’—she was the same age as Doug. Doug married Sasha because she was ‘young and fertilize’—Sasha heard him tell this to some friends.”
“At that point D&S had been trying to conceive for over a year, and Sasha was concerned that Doug was going to leave her. They (the women in my friend group) tried to convince Sasha that this is not a healthy relationship, but she insisted she was happy and just needed to get pregnant.”
“They ‘gave her the courage to seek medical assistance’ which she had previously been to scared to do.”
“Sasha ended up getting prescribed fertility meds at her appointment and was scared to test with Doug, so they told her they would come to her house to be with her when she tested and be a support system for her.”
“The day D&S were at my house was after Sasha’s first round of meds and she was in the window to test. She had not planned on testing but had a ‘lightbulb moment’ when I told her to use my bathroom.”
“Sasha only took the test and did not steal anything. When the test came back with two lines, Sasha was in shock and immediately wanted to share with her husband and support system.”
“Doug was mortified by the ordeal and D&S have been fighting a lot.”
“Sasha has been badmouthing me to anyone who will listen. She believes I ruined her marriage and embarrassed her and Doug because my husband and I were threatened by D&S and the friendships they were building.”
“Sasha told my girlfriends they shouldn’t spend time with me anymore because who can be friends with someone who treats a guest in their own home that way.”
“My friends felt they had to take Sasha’s side in the moment because they knew how important the pregnancy was to her marriage.”
“I am back on good terms with my friends.”
“Also, yes my husband and I have been privately trying to get pregnant. I am pissed that now my friends are aware.”
“Thank you to my fellow TTCers (Trying To Conceivers), past and present, who mentioned this invasion of privacy or gave well wishes. You all touched my heart.”
So Doug and Sasha were trying to have a baby and, of course, would have been excited when they found out they were expecting.
But visiting someone else’s home, snooping around through their bathroom and then stealing and using a “pregnancy test” without permission, the subReddit agreed, is beyond inappropriate behavior.
Sasha and Doug are right to be embarrassed by their behavior. But just because they’re embarrassed by how they acted doesn’t mean anyone owes them an apology.