Having access to a person's electronic devices can be a huge deal.
Many people's lives are closely tied to their devices.
So much private information about a person is stored only fingertips away.
This is why so many people can be touchy about others taking casual looks through their devices without full permission.
Redditor Majestic_Switch_1902 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for putting a passcode on my iPad after my friend used it to look through my private photos?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I have a close friend who comes over to my place a few times a week to hang out."
"I usually leave my iPad on the coffee table because I use it for drawing and reading."
"I never had a passcode on it because I live alone and didn't think I needed one."
"A few nights ago, I went into the kitchen to make us some snacks."
"When I came back into the living room, I saw my friend quickly swiping out of an app."
"I didn't say anything at first, but later that night, I checked my Recently Opened apps."
"It showed my Photo Gallery had been open for ten minutes, specifically scrolled back to photos from three years ago."
"I felt incredibly violated."
"The next morning, I set a strong passcode and enabled Face ID."
"When she came over again and tried to pick it up to look up a recipe, she realized she was locked out."
"She asked for the code, and I told her I wasn't comfortable giving it out anymore after seeing she had been through my photos."
"She got very offended and accused me of hiding something and treating her like she’s untrustworthy."
"She says friends shouldn't have secrets and that by locking her out, I'm damaging the foundation of our friendship over a bit of harmless curiosity."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Well, Reddit, AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. Talk about your classic DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender..."
"You do realize that's emotionally abusive behavior, right?"
"At the very least, it's definitely not the act of a friend." ~ KrofftSurvivor
"NTA. She damaged the foundation of your friendship- trust- over a bit of invasive and uncalled-for curiosity." ~ WaywardHistorian667
"NTA. You treated her like she was untrustworthy… because she was." ~ wanderingstorm
"I have passwords or PINs on all my devices despite having 'nothing to hide.'"
"There's always something - you may not want your cousin accidentally stumbling across your medical report, or whatever."
"And if the devices leave your home, they're subject to theft by people who don't need easy access to your bank account using a saved password." ~ Classic-Passenger-17
"NTA. There is total trust between me, my husband, and our 2 best friends (a married couple) to the point that I know the login information for various things as well as personal identity numbers for all 3, and I would never even think about scrolling through their phones/tablets/etc." ~ dgduhon
"NTA—She destroyed your trust by snooping."
"She has some nerve being offended."
"And yes, good friends may indeed have secrets from each other."
"Friendship doesn’t require you to be a doormat and fishbowl with zero privacy."
"Tell her the password stays because she snooped, and her snooping taught you the importance of having security even (especially) in your own home." ~ Present_Ad1553
"NTA. Have you ever heard of a situation where the person who is saying that you are guilty of this horrible atrocity is the one who is really guilty of it?"
"You didn't damage the foundation of the friendship, she did."
"If she felt that strongly, she wouldn't have quickly swiped out of the app/photos."
"She played a stupid game and won a stupid prize." ~ Snickerdoodle2021
"I've had a password on my devices ever since my wife went through my phone while I slept."
"At some point, it becomes clear that you have to password-protect everything that you don't want shared."
"Anyone who isn't okay with this is in the wrong."
"NTA. Snooping is a medium-sized red flag."
"It's a deal breaker for me now, but most people forgive it because they do it themselves." ~ DeniedAppeal1
"Okay, so she is a friend, not a spouse, so why does she need spouse privileges?"
"My hubby and I have passwords on everything, but we also know each other's passwords for everything."
"Passwords keep everyone else out of our stuff, as far as we are concerned, the only people who 'need' open access to our lives are the person we chose to build that life with."
"You aren't building a life with your friend, so why does she need open access to your life in order to have a friendship?"
"Why does she demand spouse-level trust for a friendship?"
"Oh, just adding in, hubby and I have no issues of trust, no cheating, etc., we know each other's passwords for convenience because we trust eachother, (if he needs to transfer money from muly account and I cant do it, he can, he just tells me he is or i tell him to, same with texts, emails, phone calls etc)." ~ Environmental_Art591
"NTA. You should always password-protect your devices."
"They have too much information on them, and you never know when someone will do something like what your friend did."
"Also, fiends should have secrets from each other."
"There is no reason for a friend to have unlimited access to every corner of your life."
"And how do you know it was harmless curiosity?"
"Simple common courtesy says she should have asked before she went through your tablet, whether it had a passcode on it or not."
"But, if she really believes that friends should not have secrets, have her put her money where her mouth is: ask her for her checking account login information."
"See how quickly she backs down then." ~ bamf1701
"NTA, but foolish."
"I mean, unless you are over 50 years old, there is no reason to have the habit of not having your devices password-protected."
"Even if you live alone, you've now created something that is potentially valuable if stolen."
"A stolen iPad with a passcode is basically worthless."
"That said, it's completely obnoxious sh*t that Apple doesn't allow for the creation of Guest accounts on the iPad for exactly this type of usage."
"I let people use my [desktop] computer because I can just create an account for them and it won't affect anything on the rest of the computer."
"I never let someone else use my login." ~ SessionIndependent17
"NTA - She absolutely is untrustworthy!"
"If she were a real friend, she would have asked to look at some of your old photos."
"Not done it sneakily and then quickly trying to get out of it when she got caught."
"Having a passcode to your personal information is not keeping secrets."
"Everyone these days uses passwords to keep their sensitive information safe."
"I assume she has a smartphone; she could have used that to look up the 'recipe' she wanted to look up on your iPad."
"Her response proves she’s not that much of a close friend if she turned it back on you."
"She was the one snooping and got caught."
"Her response was not that of a true friend."
"My husband and I know each other’s passcodes, and yet, we would still ask if we needed to go into each other’s phones."
"I don’t even think I’ve needed to go into his phone unless I forgot mine, or he asks me to bring up a map to where we are going, as he had already put the address in for our destination."
"Otherwise, I would use my own phone to look up the address."
"This whole scenario sounds creepy and icky, OP."
"I’m glad you added the passcode for safety, but I’m sorry you had to do that, not out of your own needs, but out of necessity to keep your 'friend' out."
"I say you get rid of your friend and use that iPad to read or draw more during that time you used to spend with her!" ~ PolyesterPantsuit
"You're treating her like she's untrustworthy because she has proven herself to be untrustworthy, and believe me, if she didn't know what she was doing was wrong and offensive, she wouldn't have tried to quickly get out of the app when you came back into the room."
"If you have all the privacy you desire, 'undermines the foundation of your friendship.'"
"Well, happy undermining."
"I'd only keep this friend if you're OK being friends with someone you know you can't trust, and who insists that it's her right to pry into anything about you. (It isn't)."
"If you want to retain the friendship, I think you need to tell her directly that you choose to keep private what you wish to keep private; that her going through your Photo Gallery without asking was a serious problem for you; that her quickly swiping out of seemed sneaky and dishonest; and that if she chooses to remain friends, she'll need to agree to respect your privacy.
"NTA. She is." ~ Nester1953
"NTA. I’m sure she had a phone that she could have looked the recipe up on - she was being shady as shi*."
"On that note, you should’ve asked for her phone if there’s so much trust between the two of you!" ~ JBB2002902
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your friend needs to learn boundaries.
Who knows what else she was taking a look at?
Your house, your rules.
