American popular culture in the 1950s featured shows like Leave It To Beaver and Father Knows Best where every woman was a stay-at-home-mom while the father worked in some unspecified office job.
The late 1960s started introducing single parents—always widows or widowers—with shows like Julia and The Courtship of Eddie’s Father where both mothers and fathers needed to work outside the home.
The first instance I recall of the idea of a stay-at-home-dad was with the 1983 movie Mr. Mom. But it was strictly played for laughs.
Now in 2025, couples with children find their decisions driven by economics and employment.
If either parent earns significantly more or finds themself unemployed, they may take on the role of primary caregiver.
But some people still are prejudiced against fathers as the stay at home partner providing childcare while their wife works.
A woman who is her family’s breadwinner turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Jammonnitt asked:
“AITA for defending my boyfriend against my dad?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I recently had a baby with my boyfriend of 3 years, Nick. I work as a nurse with crazy hours and Nick previously worked in a warehouse.”
“When I was pregnant, Nick expressed to me how he wanted to stay at home with the baby at least for the first couple of years as his dad was not in his life and he wants to soak up every moment of our child’s life. We both agreed this would be best for our baby.”
“I come from a conservative family and my parents were first not too pleased that we had a baby before marriage. My dad has made little hints here and there to Nick asking when is he ‘going to make me an honest woman’.”
“When I told them Nick would stay at home with the baby, my dad took his glasses off, wiped his forehead and shook his head, but he did not say anything further.”
“Recently at a family function, my cousin announced that she is pregnant! Everyone was giving her and her husband congratulations.”
“My dad made a snide remark to them saying ‘talk to Nick here. He’s an expert at the baby stuff’. The comment was obviously meant to belittle Nick and my boyfriend just gave a nervous chuckle and nodded.”
“Later in the day, our baby needed a diaper change, I was in the process of getting up to change him when my dad said to us ‘whoa isn’t that Nick’s role? You do nothing while my daughter works. You can at least change a diaper while she is with her folks’.”
“I had had it. I told my dad to stop with his remarks. Nick is an EQUAL partner in our relationship and he is a wonderful dad who does most of the childcare.”
“I told him just because he did f*ck all of the child rearing for me and my siblings that does not mean all men need to be like him and he needs to get with the times because this isn’t uncommon anymore.”
“I have 3 other siblings and our dad did not do any of the child rearing because my mom was a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). He bragged about ‘not changing one diaper in his life’.”
“It took a lot to stand up to him—as you can see my dad is the macho type and we were all afraid of talking back to him growing up.”
“Things got awkward and mom quickly changed the subject to something else. My dad was pretty quiet for the rest of the night.”
“After the event, my dad called me saying I disrespected him in front of our family and I was out of line. He said I insulted him as a father and to apologize.”
“In his mind, women have superpowers that make child rearing easier than for men and so Nick doesn’t really do anything.”
“I told him I had nothing to apologize for and I was tired of him picking on Nick. My mom agrees with my father that I was too harsh on my dad.”
“It sucks because this is their first grandchild, so they are obsessed and want to see the baby often.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I defended my boyfriend against my dad. I may have hurt my dad’s feelings.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Your dad is a chauvinist and probably a misogynist too. His attitude needs an adjustment.”
“He will probably never change. You will have to. You need to set boundaries and stay with them. If he steps over then let him deal with the consequence.”
“I think you should tell your parents that you and them need a little apart time. Discuss with your boyfriend and sit down with them and have a discussion. Good Luck.” ~ Any_Dragonfruit4130
“Your dad made his comments ‘publicly’ so you responded ‘publicly’. Maybe if dad had been an adult and talked to you about his ‘concerns’ privately, things could have gone differently.”
“Good on you for sticking up for your relationship choices. NTA. Sounds like Nick is a wonderful man.” ~ jupiter_kittygirl
“NTA. Assuming what you said is true, then truth is the perfect defense. Your father started this in public and got taken down in public.”
“He got exactly what he deserved. About time he realized ‘People who live in glass houses should not throw stones’.” ~ extinct_diplodocus
“NTA at all. Your dad needles your partner whenever family are around, he deserves the pushback when family are around. If he’s embarrassed, that’s good. He should be.”
“You could have been gentler. You could have pushed back sooner. You could’ve set a boundary privately. Still, you are certainly not the asshole for doing it when you did.” ~ Zarakaar
“Tell your dad, by using his own words that HE DISRESPECTED your boyfriend in front of ‘HIS’ family too! So you will not apologise until he does.”
“NTA! I think it’s time to go low contact with your dad!” ~ whovian11th
“NYA. This is 100% a case of RESPECT ME but I WON’T RESPECT ANYONE ELSE! Your dad is demanding an apology without acknowledging that he owes Nick one. So when the apology comes to Nick, you apologize to your dad. Let’s see how long that takes.” ~ Medium-Theme-1987
“NTA. Your dad has outdated, old-fashioned view of gender roles, which doesn’t align with your choices or values. His insistence you apologize for standing up for Nick to him only further shows his archaic expectations and complete lack of respect for your relationship choices.”
“If he can’t respect the family you are building, then he can be reminded that you are not obligated to allow him to see your baby. I mean, if he doesn’t respect the parents, why would you want him around your baby?” ~ Stranger0nReddit
“Outdated like, pre-his-own-lifetime outdated. My wife’s grandfather was born in the 1920s and fought in WWII and helped a lot with child-rearing.”
“My wife’s father was an electrician and for a couple of bad years was out of work, his wife worked and he stayed at home taking care of the kids.”
“Being a full parent and not just a money-maker isn’t really a new concept, nor was it uncommon when OP’s dad was growing up. NTA.” ~ homeguitar195
“NTA, and good for you. I hope you don’t apologize. People who behave like your dad don’t deserve apologies.”
“He acted like a complete a**hole to both you and your partner—and your child by proxy—and now expects an apology for you finally putting your foot down and telling him to cut the shit? Nah.”
“Let him be uncomfortable. Let him be upset and let him feel disrespected. Tell him that is exactly how he made you feel.” ~ the_greengrace
“NTA. Good for you for standing up for your partner. Your dad is a jack@ss, and your mom is one also for enabling his behavior. Minimize the contact you have with them for the time being until they apologize.”
“Good for your boyfriend for not conforming to past traditional norms. He sounds like a good dude. Hope it works out for y’all.” ~ TannedSuitObama
“NTA. Your dad is stuck in some very old ways and thinking. If in the current flow of your lives, you have better earning power and Nick can handle the baby, then that is what is right for YOUR family.”
“And if he can’t respect that, then he doesn’t get to see your child since he seems to not respect the primary care giver.” ~ WinginVegas
“NTA sounds like daddy didn’t like the mirror of truth. Where’s his apology to Nick?” ~ Njbelle-1029
“NTA. These types of people can dish it all day long but can never take even a fraction of their own behavior demonstrated back to them.” ~ back_hoe_fo_sho
“NTA. Your dad is being a hypocrite. He disrespected both you and your boyfriend in front of the family, and yet he cannot bear that you showed a united front and defended yourselves against his repeated attacks.”
“Ultimately, if he doesn’t want you to insult him as a father, then literally all he has to do is stop insulting you and Nick as parents.” ~ Normal-Height-8577
As the saying goes, the truth hurts. Maybe Dad should keep that in mind the next time he decides to insult a father who fully embraces their parental responsibilities.