A parent never wants to learn their child got in trouble at school.
Of course, what's vitally important is to hear the whole story.
In some cases, the punishment might prove unfair, as the child may have been at the wrong place at the wrong time, and got caught up in a mess without intending to.
Other times, however, it's clear that the child is worthy of the punishment bestowed upon them, and the parents must accept it.
No matter the damage it might do to the child's report card or permanent record.
Redditor NotFixingSonsGrade caught his teenage son breaking a major school rule.
As he expected, the original poster (OP)'s son's transgression did not escape his teacher, and serious consequences were implemented.
While the OP's son begged him to challenge this punishment, he flatly refused.
After being scolded by his son's mother for not standing up for their child, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For allowing my son to fail a major assignment and telling him he deserved the zero?"
The OP explained why he refused to challenge his son's punishment at school and why his son's mother was furious that he didn't:
"My son 'Devin' plagiarized an essay for English by copy-pasting most of the sentences from Cliffnotes and replacing one of the letters with a specific Russian letter that looked the same as the original English letter."
"It wasn't as if Devin plagiarized without meaning to."
"My son knew exactly what he was doing."
"Devin's essay did bypass the plagiarism software, but his teacher immediately recognized that it was from Cliffnotes and informed me that Devin would be receiving a zero, which is how I became aware of the situation."
"Devin's grade dropped to a D."
"Devin asked me to fight with the school to get his grade fixed essentially."
"I told him no and that he deserved the zero."
"If you're struggling with an essay, you reach out and ask for help."
"You don't try to cheat your way out."
"He knew better than that."
"Devin's mom 'Emma' called me because she just received the physical report card in the mail and saw the D in English."
"Devin hadn't told his mom about what happened, and it's too late to challenge the zero now since grades have already been finalized."
"Emma tried to interrogate me on why I didn't challenge the zero when it was possible."
"I told Emma that I wanted this lesson to stick with Devin."
"Devin will graduate high school in two years."
"Getting a D in high school is better than getting kicked out of university or fired from a job for trying to pass off someone else's work as his own."
"Emma argued that a D will seriously hurt Devin's university prospects."
"She said she doesn't condone what Devin did and would have been in agreement with a home punishment such as grounding Devin."
"But that I was a terrible parent for making our son experience a punishment that she says can seriously impact his future."
"Unless Devin were applying to an Ivy League (which he has not had any interest in) then I doubt one D will destroy his university prospects."
"I'm struggling to understand Emma's perspective and need more opinions."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was all but unanimous in agreeing that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to challenge his Devin's zero grade.
A select few felt that the OP was at fault merely for not being transparent with Devin's mother about the grade and his plagiarism.
"YTA."
"I don't disagree with your decision being appropriate, but this was a major incident with your son's education and Emma had a right to know and be part of the decision on how to handle it."
"Everyone is saying Emma's attitude is the problem, but considering your inability to communicate with other adults about things of which they have a right to know, I don't have faith you have great communication skills with your teen."
"If I were her, I would be absolutely furious and might even take you to court over this."
"Not only did you fail to properly supervise our son's education, which resulted in him cheating in the first place and getting a major failing grade, but you hid it from me."
"You violated my trust and my rights as a co-parent."- FoghornFarts
"NTA for letting him face the consequences but YTA for not involving his mom in the decision."
"It sounds like you guys coparent Devin, and while I agree with your point of view, she did deserve to be notified of the issue much sooner."
"Anyway a D for one semester won't kill him as long as he can hit a B or higher next semester and on the final."- Starfly37
Nearly everyone else, however, felt the OP did exactly the right thing by making Devin face the consequences of his actions, agreeing that there was nothing to challenge as Devin knew he was doing something wrong.
"NTA."
"Your son FA&FO, and he probably should have been punished more than just with his grade for plagiarizing."
"That said, and this might sound ruder than I intend, but if he's dumb enough to think it's okay/reasonable/safe to turn in Cliff's Notes as his own work, then you should have stopped him (because he's just not got the brains to know better)."
"However, he's at an age that he should certainly know better, and it seems you did the right thing by allowing NATURAL CONSEQUENCES."- justagirlinTexas09
"NTA."
"By all means, challenge a teacher if there is unfairness."
"But this was not unfair."
"And a good lesson."
"Devon experiencing the consequences of his own actions is a good learning moment."
"Stand your ground."- ExistingStruggle6885
"NTA."
"Sounds like you are the only one actually parenting."- Old_Cheek1076
"Definitely NTA!"
"Letting your kid get away with, let alone actively defending clearly poor choices sends a terrible message."
"A high schooler who wants to go to college and is copy-pasting from Cliff Notes to write an essay absolutely and literally needs to learn a lesson — that's lazy AND foolish!"
"It's moot, because based on your description, there was no way you could have successfully challenged that grade."
"You couldn't even have argued that the plagiarism was accidental/unintentional because he deliberately changed the letters to avoid detection!"- Zealousideal-Earth50
"NTA."
"Allowing your children to learn from their mistakes is the hallmark of a good parent."- Ogodnotagain
"NTA."
"He has time."
"If anything showing improvement as he ages will also look good and he can use that in his favor."
"Proper lesson is being taught here."- akshetty2994
"NTA!"
"In a society where it seems like parents are so afraid to let kids fail or experience consequences, you decided to let your son experience the results of his choices."
"GOOD FOR YOU!"
"It's unfortunate that your son's mother would prefer to the parent that can sweet talk or demand their child be given special privileges, but you're right- the real world doesn't work like that."
"I can understand why son's mom wants him to have the best chances to achieve whatever opportunity he decides to go for, but hopefully she can see this is a lesson of value, too."
"Good luck!"- LostBody3801
"NTA."
"You made the right call."
"However what I would do is go to war over the 'plagiarism checker' and see what metrics they look for, if it's an 'AI writing detector' those are flawed."- uwu_cumblaster_69
"Community college doesn't care about D's."
"Sounds like he's learning a valuable lesson."
"NTA."- Cultural_Yam7212
"NTA your wife is the worst kind of parent."
"'Oh my poor dear cheated, but it can't possibly be his fault. Quick argue with the school to get it changed'."
"FAFO in play right here."- PoliteCanadian2
"Good lesson to learn before university."
"A lot of universities have strict plagiarism policies."- mllebitterness
"NTA."
"And as an English teacher: THANK YOU."
"You let him suffer the natural consequences of his actions, at an age when they are indeed likely to do him more good than harm."
"My late father wasn't a plagiarist, but he was an inconsistent student who didn't get his academic act together until 21-22."
"He ended up with a PhD and being an international expert in his field."
"And he got all his degrees from UGA rather than the Ivy League."
"It's shortsighted to think a perfect high school transcript is more important to a kid's future than developing good academic habits, much less basic integrity."- Interesting-Fish6065
It's a fair argument to say that maybe the OP should have stopped Devin earlier when he caught him plagiarizing his paper.
However, some lessons must be learned through self-discovery, and since Devin was well aware what he was doing was wrong, it's likely the OP's warning would have been on deaf ears.
Then, too, Devin should be well aware that a D in English is one of the least severe punishments he can get for plagiarizing.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.