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Dad Won’t Pay For Daughter’s College Housing Costs After She Lied To Him About Summer School

A girl sitting at her desk in a dorm room.
svetikd/Getty Images

Even though it’s generally regarded as part of life, a college education is a luxury to the majority of people.

Indeed, many people are unable to go to college simply because they don’t have the financial means to do so.

Those lucky have parents who can and are willing to cover their tuition.

Something that many young students might take for granted.

Redditor RangerRemarkable3 had put aside money to pay for his daughter’s college education.

However, the original poster (OP) was disheartened to learn that his daughter wasn’t being completely honest about her studies.

Making him consider if she was even worthy of receiving the money he put aside for her tuition.

Wondering if he was too extreme, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for not paying for my daughter’s college housing and campus fees next year because she misled me about her summer classes?”

The OP explained why he felt it might be necessary to revoke his daughter’s college housing fees:

My (55 M[ale]) daughter (19 F[emale) is taking three online summer classes this summer.”

“Back in April, she told me that all her classes would be in-person, so I paid for her summer housing and meal plan so she could live on campus.”

“I didn’t think much of it at the time because I trusted her.”

“Two of them are general education classes (English and physics), and one is a major-specific class, so I figured that she would want to get her generation requirements out of the way and I’m sure the major-specific class is important for her major.”

“However, I just found out that her classes are actually all online.”

“There is a 3rd-party website that has information about classes each semester at her college, and I was just scrolling through it out of curiosity and happened to see her classes are all online, with no in-person component.”

“I was very shocked about how I was misled for the last 2 or 3 months.”

“I know that she really likes campus life, but things do tend to tone down over the summer, and she probably is aware of the campus housing fees and whatnot.”

“This means I spent a good amount of money for housing and meal plans that she didn’t actually need.”

“I’m paying for her education out of her college savings, which we’ve been saving for many years, and I want to teach her the value of money and the importance of honesty.”

“I was on the phone with her, and I told her I decided that I’m not paying for her housing or any of her campus fees next year.”

“I emphasized that she needs to understand that there are consequences to her actions.”

“However, she is really upset and says that I’m being too harsh.”

“She says that in April the classes were listed as in-person but they moved it to virtual at the very last minute, after the deadline for housing withdrawal and refund stuff.”

“I don’t know if this is actually true since I never bothered to check the class listings at that time and I didn’t see a reason she would lie about it.”

“I told her I’m very skeptical that they would move all classes to online at the very last minute because it would certainly disrupt some people’s plans (especially those who lease off-campus).”

“My wife said that what I told her was way too harsh, and that unexpected things do happen.”

“So AITA for not paying for my daughter’s college housing and campus fees next year because she misled me about her summer classes?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The OP found little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who all agreed that he was very much the a**hole for revoking his daughter’s housing fees.

Everyone agreed that the OP was way out of line. Most found that the dishonesty of the OP’s daughter was not at all worthy of such an extreme punishment. Many pointed out that if he had the money saved for her education, there really wasn’t much of an issue here.


“It’s definitely possible the college moved all the classes online at the last minute.”

“As a professor, I’ve been hired to teach classes literally a week before the semester started.”

“Things in academia are way more chaotic than we’d like them to be.”

“I’ve also had this happen to fellow professors where classes were canceled or moved online last minute.”

“Yeah she should have told you when they moved online but it seems like you never made it clear her living on campus was only an option if classes were in person.”

“Choosing to not pay for an entire year of housing as a response, putting her in debt most likely, is a huge overreaction.”- 40feralhogs

“Your ‘punishment’ would make her future harder (assuming she’d have to take on loans to continue schooling).”

“Why would you want to do that to your daughter?”

“Putting aside whether or not she lied, choosing to make her future more difficult is not loving.”

“Especially when it isn’t a matter of whether she cost you money from your pocket, it’s her college fund!”

“Your actions make it seem like you don’t truly care for your daughter.”

“No matter your intentions, that is what your ‘punishment’ suggests.”

“YTA.”- itwillhavegeese


“This is money already saved and earmarked for college.”

“It did not stretch your annual budget.”

“She didn’t lie and use the money to go on vacations or shopping sprees.”

“She used the money for its intended purpose – college.”

“You are just offended that she stayed on campus instead of coming home for the summer.”

“And, yes, it is entirely plausible that the classes were switched to online post-enrollment.”

“Especially if they didn’t get the enrollment needed to hold them in person.”

“But taking away her housing for the fall semester – which you know she needs – is just a cruel power move on your part.”

“No wonder she picked summer school over coming home if this is the way you ‘parent’.”-PurpleStar1965

“College Advisor here, and I’m actually going YTA for a couple reasons:”

“The money you’re using is from her college savings account, so the money is in fact being used for its intended purpose.”

“You’re not spending extra here, anything she gets done over the summer is less that she needs to do in a future semester.”

“The only way this money is ‘wasted’ is if she fails her courses, and you don’t give any indication that she will, nor that she’s failed anything previously.”

“It’s ABSOLUTELY FEASIBLE that her college could have changed the class mode (aka method of how it’s offered).”

“Here are the most common reasons why:”

“Faculty suddenly quit or take sabbatical.”

“Now the Dept Chair has to find someone else to cover it, and that new faculty might insist on online instruction to accommodate whatever else they already have going on.”

“The assigned faculty just change their mind.”

“At the time of signing, most teaching contracts only state the number of credit hours (CTE) an instructor will be working in a given semester; rarely does it explicitly say whether you’re teaching in-person, online, or sometimes even what class you’re teaching because the Chair has to figure out coverage as they go.”

“Student demand.”

“Very broadly speaking, in a post-COVID world we’ve seen that online courses are actually the most popular/in-demand.”

“For example a university could have both in-person and online sections of a PSYC 100 course, and the online one will typically fill up first (and fast).”

“If her college was seeing that enrollment was lagging when offered in-person, they may have flipped it to online to ignite more interest/enrollment.”

“Believe it or not, being faculty in a college/university can actually have some similarity to a food/retail position: if you are out and/or your circumstances change, then your fellow coworkers have to figure out how to make it up (assuming the Chair doesn’t/can’t cancel the course).”

“You mention ‘consequences to your actions’, and sir let me tell you that this is the nuclear option here.”

“A rational consequence might be to say, ‘Well we paid for this thing you don’t need, and since you’re living under my roof I’m giving you a curfew of X o’clock because I know how much you cherish your socializing’.”

“What YOU’RE doing is forcing her education to come to a screeching halt because education is freaking expensive and her only option at this point will be to take on predatory loans that will burden her for a good portion of her natural life.”

“Like, you see the disconnect here, yes?”

“One semester of financial inconvenience does not equal a punishment of thirty years inescapable financial debt.”

“Sorry, the more I type the more heated I get by what you’re doing to your daughter here.”

“And speaking frankly, it’s because of over-controlling morons like you that I see so many students in my line of work never finish school and achieve their full potential.”

“Whenever I hear about a student who’s financially dependent on a parent and therefore beholden to the parents’ every irrational whim, I want to claw my eyes out.”

“A choice was made that dips into the college savings just a little bit more.”

‘Intentional or not, we may never know nor does it really matter.”

“Unless you want to tell us otherwise, it sounds like you have a child who’s achieving and getting her stuff done.”

“Get over yourself.”- wickedwiccan90

“Except there is more to a college class than just watching a screen.”

“There are study groups, meetings with professors, trips to libraries or research facilities, and the quiet of her own space for studying.”

“YTA, because you somehow think she shouldn’t be at college for college classes.”-MerelyWhelmed1

It’s understandable for any parent to want to know where exactly their money is going.

However, rescinding his daughter’s housing fees for online classes seems extreme and ludicrous.

For as she was, in fact, still taking courses, the money was still going towards her education, making it questionable if she even lied in the first place.

On top of that, as many above have pointed out, anyone who was in school in March of 2020 knows all too well that classes can indeed go virtual at the very last minute.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.